Just Breathe
by KaitlinHale
Summary: Bella is a teen just trying to live her life. Only one problem, her mother's abusive husband cant seem to leave her alone. Will Edward Cullen help her or will he make things worse?WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS ADULT THEMES RELATED TO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
1. Chapter 1

I didn't know how long I'd been day dreaming when I heard the door slam. I hurried to clean up the few things that were out of place before the stomping began.

I ran back to my bed and counted the 8 stomps up the stairs. With the click of the lock, the door swung open and I saw the thing I dreaded most in this world.

There he stood, with his dirtied work boots, ripped out dated jeans, an unbuttoned dark blue shirt, and a stained undershirt. The face with too wide a nose and thin lips always stretched in a grim line, and beady eyes as black as coal and as hot as fire, staring at me with one of the only expressions his face can have, pure hate.

I swallowed silently and waited for it to begin. A few seconds passed and no sound was made, with exception of his heavy breathing.

Then, it started.

As he practically ran at me and slapped me across the face, yelling words and sentences that I've heard a thousand times before, I held my tears in. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of crying. Not today.

The back of his hand connected with my cheek so hard it forced me off of the bed and onto the floor. My head connected with the edge of the desk on the way down. I could feel the pounding in my head and the blood began to drip down my scalp.

The heavy thumping of the wound almost drowned out the sound of his screaming entirely. But, I wasn't _that_ lucky. I stayed perfectly still and only worked on controlling my breathing.

Two hundred and ten breaths later, a perfectly placed kick to my ribs sent a shock throughout my body. My body jerked and tried to recoil, but I tried to keep it in the same place it was before the violent shudders.

He laughed at my pathetic attempt and placed his foot in the exact spot it was and just held it there. A half second later, he pushed down. I screamed out in agony and tried to get out from under his foot.

Him being 100 pounds superior, I didn't even move an inch. He laughed loudly to himself and muttered unintelligent words and finally let up. I felt as if a thousand pound truck had just dropped on me.

I couldn't move even if I tried.

As my nightmare walked from my room, I let the pain envelop me and draw me into the sweet surrender of unconsciousness.

A loud noise woke me from my heaven.

As my body moved to get in a standing position, my head groaned in protest and everything doubled.

Grabbing the edge of the desk, I steadied myself and concentrated on my breathing.

After it was safe to move without reconnecting with the ground, I put my head against the door trying to put together the pieces that made that noise.

Stupid, stupid, stupid move.

The door flew open and sent my body crashing to the floor…again.

My own personal nightmare stared at me with a cocky smirk and glaring eyes.

I glared right back.

Not really sure where my sudden confidence came from. My head must still be floating on that cloud I try so hard to stay off of.

"Why are you on the floor?"

What was I supposed to say? _Oh,_ _I just regained consciousness and I decided to eavesdrop? _I suppose I could, but that would just result in him getting angrier.

"I fell," I said lamely.

"You fell? God, you are so pathetic!" He always made sure to tell me that at least once a day, in case I forget. I haven't forgotten one thing that he has told me since he moved in here 4 years ago. The past 4 years have been a blast. Heavy on the sarcasm.

I let him rant, getting some of it out of his system. I didn't really pay attention this time. His vocabulary is bound to run out at some point.

"…no wonder Charlie left your pathetic family…" Ouch. That little comment hurt worse than the door. You see, Charlie is my father. He left my life when I was 9. Causing James to enter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the feedback! **

**Review Review Review!!**

_3 years later_

"You're going to be late for school, Bella!" Lauren screamed from the stairs.

Lauren, bless her heart, needs to shut up.

Is it too much to ask for someone to get a few hours of sleep? It's not my fault that the party last night lasted a little longer than planned.

Okay, so it ended 3 hours late, at 4 in the morning. But, if your going to party, party hard, right?

Besides, I was having way too much fun, and I was definitely not going to be the first one to leave.

Sitting up in my bed, my head swayed. Ugh, too much alcohol. Searching for some Tylenol, I found my cell.

_4 missed calls._

From none other than my best friend in the entire world, Angela. Deciding that whatever she had to say came second best to my headache, I called Lauren.

"Do you really need to call me when I'm only 3 rooms away, Bella?" Lauren scolded.

"I can't get up and my head is pounding. Can I get some Tylenol or something?"

"I didn't quite hear the magic word." I could almost hear the tsk-tsk in her brain.

"Now." Its too early in the morning to be playing silly games with the house keeper.

"Fine." I know that Lauren hates being bossed around, but its her job. She should learn how to deal with it. While waiting for Lauren, I texted Angela.

"_What's your deal? This better be good!"_

Less than a minute later, her response:

"_What the hell took you so long? I've been waiting forever!"_

Well, if she was going to get snippy:

"_Whatever. Bye"._

See what she thought about_ that__._

"_Ugh, I'm sorry. You will never believe who I ran into last night after the party"_

I hate when people say things like that through texts. Why not just tell me and get it over with?

"_I'm sure you will tell me."_

Just as I was about to call for Lauren with my Tylenol, she walked in the door.

"Took you long enough! I'm dying here!" I sigh.

"I'm sure you are" she said as she dropped 3 magnificent pills in my hand

"If you don't get ready for school soon, your going to be late." She scolds.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll get ready as soon as I'm done talking to Ang." I gestured to my phone.

"You are just going to see her at school in less than 2 hours anyways!" She rolls her eyes

Shaking her head, she walked out of my room and went back to doing whatever my new family wanted her to do. In all actuality, they aren't new at all.

I've been living with the Swan's for 2 years now, but I love them more than anything and I changed my last name to match theirs.

My phone buzzed impatiently in my hand. 2 messages:

"_That skank, Jessica came up to me and told me that she slept with Ben!"_

"_WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?"_

Ben is Angela's boyfriend. Well, I guess now its ex-boyfriend.

He was really just my ball that I tossed into Angela's court, but they were cute together.

Jessica, well, if Jessica could be described in one word, it would be…jealous.

Of me, in fact.

She always wants what I have.

Poor girl.

"_He's a dog. You knew this before you even started dating him. But you are right, she's definitely a skank_._"_ I replied

Sighing, I tossed the phone on the pillow next to me and got up. If I delayed getting ready any longer, I would miss the chance to make a scene with Jessica before first period.

53 minutes later, my long blonde hair was straightened and looking like it always does…amazing.

I threw on a pair of low-rise jeans and a cute dark blue long sleeved sweater.

If I had more time, I would have worn a short sleeved shirt, but the scars on my arms needed at least 10 minutes time to cover with make-up.

I absent-mindedly traced my fingers through the shirt across them.

I remember in perfect detail how I got each. As I traced the long purplish-blue one around my wrists, a movie played in my head. The star of the movie; James. The victim; me.

If I didn't stop myself now, I wouldn't be able to go to school today.

I shoved the memories in an imaginary drawer and locked it up nice and tight for the day.

Grabbing my book bag, I went down the stairs to find everything quiet.

It normally is in the morning. Phil is at work; Renee is most likely at Pilates or at breakfast with her girlfriends.

I could hear Lauren upstairs somewhere, but I was going to be late if I ran back up there to say goodbye.

I opened the massive front door and smiled as the sun kissed my face.

I love the sun. I spent most of my time in the sun.

The sun, to me, resembles being free.

I'm free now.


	3. Chapter 3

**I got a bunch of reviews for this story on Twilighted, and it gave me the momentum to write some more, even though its 3:10 a.m. and I have to be up at 9 a.m. for a funeral.**

**Speaking of, I really hope that some of you can learn from what I just went though with my best friend.**

**He got drunk on the Fourth of July and went canoeing. Well, this canoe capsized and he drowned. **

**His birthday was on the 4th aswell. He died on his own fucking birthday.**

**Please, Please, Please learn from this. Dont drink and canoe, or drive, or bike, or *enter random transportation method here*.**

**It's just plain stupid.**

**On a lighter note, heres the next chapter!! **

**Onward, to meeting Alice Cullen!!**

Getting into the school parking lot, I find my normal spot and park.

I sit in the car for a few moments listening to a song by NeverShoutNever – my favorite band, when Angela pulls in next to me.

"Hey bitch. You ready to give Jessica a verbal bitch-slap?" I say when we meet in the middle of the cars.

"You bet! I passed by one of the new kids earlier. He drives a Volvo." She says with mild disgust.

Angela always judges someone by the car they drove. I look over at my black and yellow mustang and smiled. That is my _baby_. It was my Sweet Sixteen present from Renee and Phil.

"Did you get a look at his face?" All the cute guys at this high school were too desperate and boring. Hopefully, I will have someone to get a good game out of.

"No. Just his shitty car." With this, we walk into the school for first period.

Homeroom is probably the most bogus class, considering the teacher Mrs. Balza just sits at her computer the entire time and is glued to .

I take my usual seat at the back and pull out my Ipod and magazine. I could care less what Britney is doing these days, but I wouldn't be caught dead reading something actually worthy of a high schooler's IQ.

I like to think I'm smart. I have a 4.0 and actually understand everything that is discussed in class. Everyone just likes to think I'm dumb because I like to party and actually have friends. Whatever.

Since Ang has her history class first hour, I usually just sit alone until Jessica gets to the class. We're not friends, not at all, but she doesn't know that. She usually comes in and talks to me and thinks I actually care. What she doesn't see, is my headphones blocking out her annoying voice.

But today, Jessica doesn't show. At least she is smart enough to realize shit is going to hit the fan today.

I go back to drawing aimlessly on my notebook when I feel the table shake.

I look down to see a girl with dangerously spiky hair and gorgeous blue eyes looking back at me.

I pull my headphones out and set them in my bag.

"Alice Cullen." She introduces herself.

"Bella Swan." I reply.

"Oh, I know. Everyone talks about you." With that, I roll by eyes.

"I bet."

"I would say it was all good things to make you feel better, but that's not true." She replies off-handedly.

I laugh, "Thanks, but it's no big deal."

And it's not. I don't really mind that I'm talked about. At least I'm not a no body.

"Really? Word is, you have a shitload of weed in your car and someone was thinking about hinting the principal to it."

"Are you serious? Let them call the principle." I roll my eyes.

"So you don't have weed?" She looks a bit hesitant to ask.

"Well, not in my car." I laugh.

"I have a feeling we're going to be great friends." She smiles.

That's a first. Usually people just ask to be my friend or just think they are already my friend if I look at them nicely.

"As long as you aren't an axe-murderer and you know some hot guys, I also have that feeling." I actually like this girl. She's a breath of much-needed fresh air.

"Well, I'm pretty sure all the axes are taller than me, making it hard to kill several people, and I have been known to have a few hot men in my life." She smiles.

Looking towards the floor, I see that her feet don't even touch the floor. What is she, 4 feet tall?

"How tall are you, anyways?"

"5 feet exactly." She responds.

"Holy shit! You're like a dwarf!" I tease.

"Nah, I prefer vertically-challenged." She teases back.

For the rest of the hour, I learn that she just moved here with her parents and her brother. So that must be the kid with the Volvo.

"My mom wants to try the small-town thing for a while. I don't know why she picked Washington, of all places. There are plenty of small towns in California." She huffs.

"You move around a lot?" I've only moved twice – to the foster home and then to Phil and Renee's.

"I guess." She shrugs.

"You don't seem too affected by it." I point out.

"Not really. My brother, Edward, and I are really close, so it makes it easier knowing I have him to vent about it to." She says with a smile.

The bell rings, so we gather our stuff and leave the class room.

"Hey, hand me your phone." I say once we reach my locker…and apparently, hers. I've always had an empty locker next to mine, but now it belongs to Alice.

She hands me her phone and I program my number in it, then text my phone, so I have her number in mine as well.

I hand her phone back, grab my Biology books and head off to the classroom with a wave to Alice.

Finally reaching the room, I smile at Mr. Banner and head over to my table.

I share this table with my best guy friend, Jasper. I don't have very many guy friends. All the guys basically say that if they can't be my boyfriend, they aren't even my friend. Except Jasper and Emmett.

I met Emmett the first day of 8th grade. It was my first time going to school in over 5 years, and I was basically freaking out.

Phil and Renee were adamant that I get a real education and not be home-schooled. I hated them for it when they told me, but after meeting Emmett, I was glad they made me come.

Even in 8th grade, Emmett was huge. He did all kinds of sports, causing him to be quite muscular and scary looking, but he is probably one of the nicest people on the planet. The dimples don't help his scary case either.

After that first day, we became inseparable. Phil and Renee were over the moon happy because they thought it was a miracle I trusted a man.

But, I don't have anything against men. Obviously. I know that not all men are like James. Emmett, Jasper, and Phil are proof of that.

I notice Jasper is absent from his seat when I sat down. My eyebrows pull together in confusion because he was always at the table before me.

I know that, because it makes me smile –or roll my eyes on a bad day- when he says, "Hey darlin'" when I take my seat.

Being born in Texas, he still has his southern twang. And it's the sexiest thing ever.

Jasper and I hook up sometimes, but we've never dated. We're just friends…with occasional benefits. We flirt all the time, and I suppose some people would think we were a couple by the way we interact, but it's just the way we are.

I pull my phone out and text him.

_Where's my cowboy today?_

I put my phone back in my pocket when Mr. Banner starts talking to a student in the front of the room.

I absent-mindedly roll my pencil across the desk waiting for either Mr. Banner to start class or Jasper to text me back.

The pencil slips through my fingers and drops to the floor. I go to pick it up when I see someone beat me to it.

The messy copper hair that I see immediately makes me want to run my fingers through it.

Messy-Copper hair guy bends back up and puts the pencil on the desk.

I'm vaguely aware of my phone vibrating in my pocket when I stare into the brightest, most brilliant green eyes I have ever _ever_ seen.


	4. Chapter 4

**I see alot of you have put me on Alert. It makes me giddy when I get an email saying that. =]**

**You all are wonderul *muah***

**Just a reminder. This is OOC. Bella is not shy and clumsy, Edward doesn't brood all the time, Alice is not picture perfect.**

**Emmett is pretty much the only exception. He is still a loud, obnoxious, dirty-minded teddy bear.**

**Dont forget to Review! I always take suggestions if you think something should happen.**

**OH! Before I forget, a very attentive reader over on Twilighted mentioned that in the second chapter, I said Bella had long blonde hair. Thats wrong. She has brown hair.**

**I originally wrote this story without a Twilight influence, but changed it so I could post it on here and Twilighted. That little detail escaped my editing.**

**When we left off, Edward picked up Bella's pencil.**

"Drop this?" He smirks.

"Yeah," Was my intelligent reply.

He drops his bag on the floor and takes the seat next to me. I'm about to tell him to get the fuck away from Jasper's chair when Mr. Banner walks up to the table.

"Bella, I don't see Jasper anywhere, so Edward will sit here for the day." He looks at me expectantly.

I glare at Edward, who is smiling a crooked grin. I have never sat at a lab table without Jasper next to me. And if he decides to skip, I sit alone. That's how it is. Always. I like everything to be in order.

Mr. Banner walks back to the front of the room and begins his lesson for the day. I try to concentrate and take notes for Jasper, but Edward's leg keeps inching closer to mine and it's _very_ distracting.

There is a weird electricity between us that I haven't felt before. It's very confusing.

I chance a look over at Edward to find him watching me. I stand my ground –well in this case, sit- and don't drop my gaze.

After about 30 seconds into our bizarre staring contest, Edward relents and looks to the front of the room.

I roll my eyes and smirk and try to pay attention again. I can feel his eyes on me, but I decide to ignore them. I need to be a good friend for Jasper and take his notes. He always does it for me.

Finally, the class ends with only a few more interruptions from Edward, and I grab my stuff and leave the room and head to my locker.

When I get there, Alice is already there looking disheveled, touching up her makeup. I follow suit and touch my own up. Not that it really needs touching up, but whatever.

"So, did you meet my brother?" She asks.

How the hell did I not connect the dots earlier? Of course the Edward from biology is Alice's Edward.

"Yeah, he sat next to me." I scowl.

"Is that bad?" She cocks her head to the left a little.

"The seat is reserved." I say simply.

She looks a bit confused, but she drops it.

My hand brushes against my jean pocket holding my phone, and I remember Jasper's text. I slide the phone open to reveal "one new message".

"_I'll tell you later darlin'"_

Well at least he had the decency to say "darlin'". He knows I love to hear it every day.

I huff and slide my phone back without texting back. I'll talk to Emmett next hour and see if he knows anything about it.

Normally, Jasper is very straight-forward. A little quiet, but he never lies and isn't ashamed of anything he does.

I say a quick "bye" to Alice and head over to Emmett's locker. Its routine; I meet him at his locker and we walk together.

When I get there, he is talking to his girlfriend, and my best friend, Rosalie.

Rosalie and I didn't get along in the beginning…for about a half hour.

She is basically a bitch, and I guess I am too, so we had a moment. I am very protective over Em, as he is for me, and I don't like any slut messing with him. He is too good for that shit.

So during our little moment, Emmett said something stupid across the room and I saw the look of love in her eyes.

"You want to smack him, or should I?" I said simply.

"Oh, I will." She smirks and walks over to Emmett. I took a drink from my rum and coke and hear a loud "SMACK!"

I look over at them and see Emmett with ridiculously loving eyes. I have never ever seen him with that look in his eyes. That's when I knew that they were in it for the long haul. I swear to god, if I'm not a bridesmaid, I will throw a bitch-fit.

"Hey bitch." I say to both of them.

"Hey whore." Rose says back to me.

"What up lovah!" Em bellows.

Emmett leans over to kiss Rose quickly, and then hands me his arm like a true gentleman and we head to class.

Once there, I drop my bag on the table and Emmett follows suit.

After we're seated and have all of our stuff in front of us, I turn to him.

"Do you know where Jasper was this morning?" I ask.

"No, but I think I heard something about him hooking up with some girl in one of the abandoned rooms." He smirks.

Woah. Press Pause. Back Up. Re-wind.

I know of every girl at this school. All of the cute ones that are Jasper's type have already hooked up with him. I am his only re-peat fuck.

"Some girl?!"

"I don't know who!" He throws his hands up in surrender.

I decide to let it drop for now. Obviously Em doesn't know anything. He knows better than to lie to me.

"You coming with us at lunch?" I ask.

"Sure. Where we headed?" Ah, Emmett and his amazing vocabulary and grammar.

"I don't know. I think we should go to Jasper's house this time." We never go out to eat at a restaurant for our lunch. It takes too long and our houses are perfectly equipped for hungry teenagers.

Not many people are rich in Forks. Mainly, it's just me, Emmett, Jasper and Angela. We don't really flaunt our money, but we don't try to hide the fact either.

I would like to say that money doesn't mean anything to me, but it does. I live a comfortable life, and I'm not complaining that I don't have the normal worries about a car or college.

"I'd rather go to your house. Maybe Renee will be home today." He wags his eyebrows.

Em has always had a soft spot for my mom. I'm not entirely sure why, but it just is, and I don't want to question it. I'm too afraid for the answer.

"Yeah, and maybe Phil will be home too." I counter.

He scowls and the lesson for the day begins.

After the ridiculously boring class, the bell rings. Juniors and Senior's get to have one hour either before or after lunch off. We prefer after lunch, since all of the classes after lunch are the hardest, so there's one less to do.

After dropping my books off at my locker, I head to the gym. I enjoy gym. As long as we are doing volleyball or track. I excel at these sports. Everything else, I seem to have trouble with.

I change into my uniform; short shorts and a school tee. I lace up my all white sneakers and head out.

All we are doing today is running laps. Wonderful.

------------------------------------------------

After coming in first for the girls, coach lets me go early, so I head back to the locker room to change and freshen up.

Since I didn't sweat and smell fine, I decide against a shower and just change back into my normal clothes, touch up my makeup and hair, spray some perfume and head out to my car.

After laying on the car for a few minutes, I feel someone's hand on my thigh.

I open one eye to find Jasper hovering over me with the look in his eyes.

You know, the _fuck me_ look.

"Nuh-uh. I'm not doing anything with you when you have already been laid today. Want to explain on that?" I raise my eyebrow.

"You heard about that, huh?" He says sheepishly.

"Yes I did. Now spill!"

"She is amazing. I saw her and I was instantly hard. I walked up to her and she just gave me that look you know?" He paused to take a breath.

"So I just followed her. It was fan-fucking-tastic, Bella." He smiles. "Pun intended."

"What's her name?" I ask.

He looks down before answering.

"I don't know. I didn't catch it." He winces.

"How the fuck do you not know her name? We know everyone at this school!" Is he serious?

"She's new!" He looks back into my eyes.

.God. He totally just fucked Alice Cullen. Could this day get any better?

"Real short with dangerously spiky hair?" I ask.

"Yeah. You know her!?" His face brightens.

"Her locker is next to mine." I say simply.

"Well? What's her name?"

"You're going to have to work for it. You ditched me today and some asshole sat in _your_ spot." I frown.

He gets on the hood of the car with me and slides up to me.

"Aww, Darlin', I'm sorry. How can I _ever _make it up to you?" He says at the base of my throat. I hum in approval.

"I don't know, be creative." My eyes close when his tongue licks at the spot under my ear.

He moves to pepper my face with kisses, with special attention on my mouth.

"WOO! Get it on, baby! Where's a camera when I need it!" Emmett's voice booms through the parking lot.

Jasper places one last kiss on my mouth and hops off the car. He jogs over to Emmett and punches him –hard- on the arm.

"Fuck man! That's going to bruise!" Em whines.

"Next time, don't interrupt." Jasper says as he gets on his crotch-rocket.

Mmm. Sexy, sexy boy on a bike.

"Your place or mine?" Jasper winks.

"Mine. Emmett wants to see Renee. Fucking creeper." I roll my eyes and slide in my own car.

Emmett hops in and I look over at him in question.

"Rose said she has to go somewhere during lunch, so she took my car."

"Whatever."

And off to my house, we go.


	5. Chapter 5

**First off, I wanted to say that I went to TwiTour this past weekend, and it was so fucking awesome! I got my picture with Edi and Chaske and got an autograph from the Hillywood Show and Edi. Let me just say, Chaske and Bronson are so adorable and I actually turned Team Jacob after drooling over them. Sorry Edward fans!**

**Anyways, onward. I haven't updated in a while…mainly because my best friend kidnapped me and I didn't have access to a computer for a week. But, I still love her.**

**Didn't anyone tell you?? S. Meyer owns. I just make them FWB's!!**

Rolling my eyes at Emmett, I get out of my car just as Jasper hops of his bike.

"Hey! You know that movie totally rocked! Don't deny it!" He whined about the new Harry Potter movie.

"Em, for the last time, it sucked! Sure, it was funny, but where was the action? Give it up. You have the hots for Ginny and we all know it!" I teased.

But come on, there was a total of 2.2 seconds of action in that movie. The rest was just boring albeit funny.

Leaving Em mumbling something about hot red heads, I wink at Jasper and "accidentally" graze my hand down his arm.

All of a sudden, I'm pulled back and crash into a solid, chiseled chest.

"You think it's funny to tease me, Swan?" He glares with mischief in his eyes.

I lick my lips and do a spin out of his embrace. I look over my shoulder and see his disappointed expression and laugh.

"Race you bitches!!" Em yells while running to my front door.

I laugh and jog up the walk way to be greeted by Renee.

"Hi baby!" She says enthusiastically.

"Hi Mom." I say back.

"Oh, hello to you honey. I was talking to Emmett over here." She teases.

"See! Your mom totally has the hots for me! Suck on that!" Em boasts.

Phil appears in the doorway and raises his eyebrows at Emmett.

"What exactly are you sucking, Emmett?" He asks.

"Nah, Philly Cheese Steak. I told _them _to suck it!" Em explains.

Dad rolls his eyes and gathers me in a hug.

"Hey, baby. How was school?"

Phil is the perfect father. Ever since he first spoke to me, I just knew that he was going to be an amazing dad. He treats me normal. Him and Renee don't push my past under the rug. They help me deal with it and have made me become a stronger person.

I know that I can go to Phil with anything and not be judged. He makes me feel like I'm his actual daughter, not some adopted charity case.

"Same as always, Daddy. Boring."

He rolls his eyes and kisses my head before heading up the stairs. That's when I notice the suitcases lined by the door. I turn to Renee and ask,

"Is Dad going somewhere?" The disappointment thick in my voice.

"They have a game to play, honey. He should be back in a week." She reassures.

It's always hard when Phil leaves, even if it's only for a few days. It's just comforting knowing that he is near me.

Deciding not to let my disappointment create a bad mood, my heels click their way to the kitchen.

I feel Jasper's hand on my back for a moment, then see it pull out a chair next to the island.

"Here ya go, darlin'" he smiles.

"You're trying real hard to get on my good side right now, aren't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He strolls to the giant refrigerator and whistles.

I pick up the closest magazine and flip it open to continue where I left off in first period, when Emmett stomps into the kitchen.

I look over at him puzzled by his apparent mood.

"Your mom didn't make any cookies today." He mumbles.

I laugh and settle back in my chair to continue my "reading".

Thirty minutes and ungodly amounts of food later, we head into the living room to watch some TV.

Out of nowhere, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and panic floods my entire being.

I reach out for the closest thing to me, which ends up being Emmett's arm, before I fall to the ground.

"Hey! What the hell…Oh, shit. Bella?" Emmett leans down next to me.

"What the hell did you do, jackass?" Jasper spits at Emmett.

They suddenly disappear from my vision as images screen through my head like a movie.

His smirk.

His haunting laugh.

His eyes always drunk and hateful.

James.

As hard as I try, I can't get his face and voice out of my head. What the hell is happening to me?

I scream out as the memories overtake me. I can faintly hear rumbles from around me underneath James' voice.

"Phil?! What's happening?"

"Bella, come on! Snap out of it!"

"Bella baby, come back."

Renee, Emmett and Jasper's voices become clearer as James' face fades away.

I finally find my body and snap out of it.

I look up to see Jasper's face directly above mine, scared shit-less.

"Babe..?" He asks uncertainly.

I shake my head to try and get the fog out, but then realize that is a giant mistake, since my head is throbbing and screaming in protest.

Someone pushes Jazz out of the way and lifts me off the floor. Emmett, of course.

"Bring her to her bedroom!" I wince as Renee all but yells at Em even though she is a few feet from us.

I close my eyes and lean into Em as he glides up the stairs with me in his arms.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're okay, because obviously you aren't," he whispers softly in my ear.

"Jazz and I will head to school while you rest. I'm sure Renee and Phil will agree that it's best." He continues.

Even though Emmett is a giant joker and a giant kid, he knows when to be serious. But, I don't agree with his last statement. Obviously Renee and Phil won't mind if I stay home, but I don't want to.

I'm not going to let James ruin my life again. I want to go back to school and act like nothing is wrong. If I stay home and skip the rest of the day, it would be defeat. And I'm not going to let James win this round. Or any round, for that matter.

Em lays me on the bed while Lauren comes in with a wet cloth and some Anexia. Anexia is the best pill for any kind of pain, but for people who don't have a tolerance, it knocks them out. She only lets me have it if I have a headache that reaches 5.0 on the Richter scale.

Thankfully, I should be able to stick to my plan of going back to school even if I have one of the miracle pills.

Emmett leaves the room after Lauren shoos him so she can take care of me. She doesn't say anything, and thank God for that, because I don't think I could handle 20 questions right now.

After swallowing the pill, I lay back and try to will the pain from my body.

Jasper, being the life saver he is, enters the room and sits next to me. Lauren takes that as her queue to leave and sets the pill bottle back into the safe next to my bed.

I motion for Jasper to lie next to me and he obliges. I rest my head on his chest while he plays with my hair.

"Please tell me your okay, now." He begs.

I love Jasper more than all of my friends, because he just gets it. He doesn't take anything from me that I don't want to give and understands every one of my moods. I wish almost every day that I could be _in_ love with him, but I guess it doesn't work that way.

This isn't the first time I've passed out in front of people, but it hasn't happened in at least a year. I haven't allowed my body to have a flashback in so long, that I hoped they were gone forever.

"I'll live." I say simply into his chest.

We lay like this for some time until Phil and Renee walk into the room hand in hand.

"Jasper, you need to get to school soon." Renee says softly, as to not spike my headache which has decreased significantly.

I get up with Jasper and walk over to my mirror to make myself presentable.

"I'm going too."

"No way! You just passed out downstairs! You're resting now!" Renee scrambles.

"No. I'm going to school." I look her dead in the eyes and she backs off.

Phil grabs my arm gently and I look up at him. His eyes ask the question "are you sure?", so I nod.

He lets go of my arm and pulls Renee away from the door she is currently trying to block. I smile and give her a tight hug before starting my way down the stairs.

If I'm being honest with myself, I am scared out of my mind about going back to school. I don't want to have another trigger and pass out at school or make a scene.

Jasper squeezes my hand as if sensing my unease and I find a calmness I didn't know I had to gain the strength to keep walking. I know that if I look back at my parents, I will cave by the looks on their faces.

Jazz helps me into the passenger seat of my car. I start to protest, as I am the _only_ one who can drive my car, but the look on his face keeps me quiet. He hardly ever gives me that look, but when he does, it means business.

I look over to see Emmett talking with my parents at the door and quickly look away as he jogs over to me.

"Alright, attention-whore. Your mom was totally about to bang me and you had to go and ruin the moment!"

And just like that, I smile and push all of my dark feelings down inside to deal with later.

"In your dreams, big guy."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all for the alerts, again! It still makes me smile! :)**

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**Just to let you all know, I have no idea what a junior takes in school, so I'm just bluffing here.**

**By the way, the Health teacher mentioned in this chapter, Mr. Zenti, is completely real. I had him this year and he is probably the worst teacher ever, but fun to argue with. Let's just say that I got a lot of detentions from him. I guess he doesn't like sarcasm. :p**

**Oooh, I now have TWO twitter accounts! One for real life and shit like that, and one for my writing. I'll be posting teasers and updates and what not on....KLJ1843**

**S.M owns Twilight. Not me. Please excuse me while I go cry about it.**

Still not over Emmett driving my car, I stomp into the school. That car is my baby and no good mother just hands their baby to another child. No way in hell. Damn Jasper and his goddamn "look" that made me cave.

Getting into my Government class, I take a seat in the middle since some bastards took the ones in the back. Out of all my classes, this is probably my least favorite. Who really cares about the Government? I don't.

I find myself paying attention to the patterns in the desk for a minute. I don't really know why, but I can guess that my mind is trying _real_ hard not to think about…him.

Angela takes her seat next to me and has to snap a few times to get my attention.

"Where'd you go?" she laughs.

"I don't know, ask your dad." I deadpan.

"Touché!" she yells, earning a few puzzled looks from around the room.

She makes a face at a few and turns back to me.

"You and Jasper have a fun time this morning?"

"Not sure what you mean..?" I don't remember doing anything out of the ordinary with Jasper this morning.

"You're telling me that you two didn't have sexy times 2nd hour?" She asks.

Ohhh. She thinks that I was who he was screwing!

"Nah that was the new girl. I like her." I say.

"Damn, she works fast."

"If I seem to recall correctly, you were bent over a desk with Mike the first day of freshman year." I throw at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Well, I didn't mean it as an insult, bitch!" she tries to act serious. Yeah, not working for you, hun.

"I'm just giving you shit." I laugh.

Our conversation takes off from this to the shoes that Jessica had on this morning, which were apparently knock-offs. Why anyone would get knock-off shoes is beyond me, but whatever.

Finally, class ends and I skip going to my locker altogether. I usually just share books with Jasper since our Health teacher Mr. Zenti is too pre-occupied laughing at the sexual words in the textbook. Needless to say, he's a clueless teacher that doesn't do shit in the class room. I'm also pretty sure he smokes a bit too much weed. Picture Krusty from The Simpsons, and that would be Mr. Zenti.

Unlike earlier in Biology, Jasper is actually sitting at the table when I get there.

"Hey baby." He greets me and kicks the chair next to him away from the table so I can sit.

"Wow, what a gentleman!" I say with a large dose of sarcasm.

"Take it or leave it, darlin'" He lays the accent on thick.

"Oh, I've had it. Plenty of times." I roll my eyes.

He winks at me, but then his eyes widen slightly and stare at the spot behind my head.

I turn around and see Alice Cullen looking around for a seat before locking eyes with me.

I nod my head to the chair next to me. She smiles and heads over and winks at Jasper, who is pretty much drooling next to me.

"Hey Bella! I didn't see you at the locker and I thought maybe you skipped out on the rest of the day. But I'm glad you didn't, 'cause I don't think Jasper is going to be a active participant in the conversation. Seriously, Jasper? You're drooling." She says all in one breath.

Holy hell, that girl can talk. I'm pretty sure I would pass out if I tried to get all of that out. Just thinking about it is making me woozy. Well, it's either that, or my body wants to make a fool of its self and pass out again. Hoping it's the first idea, I smile at Alice.

"Yeah, we have to get that fixed. He apparently doesn't know when to close his mouth. Jazz, I'm with Mini here. Shut your fucking mouth!" I laugh.

Finally he stops being such a creep and closes his mouth and winks. Way to go, Jazz. The wink works every time.

Zenti clears his throat and mumbles something, and then puts the projector up.

"Awesome, we're watching another movie about an epididymis!" I say.

"Oh my god. Someone bleach my ears!" Jazz cringes while Alice high-fives me.

Class was uneventful, other than laughing at Zenti and cringing at the ridiculously graphic video. We got homework on the video, so I guess I will have to go on Google to figure out what I missed. Ew.

Thankfully, I didn't have any triggers during the video. Although, while Alice was preoccupied, I noticed him looking over at me several times. I hated seeing that look in his eyes. It was a mix between pity and concern. I nearly yelled at him about it, but thought better of it. No use on pissing off my best friend when I will undoubtedly need him in the future if I keep having these stupid triggers.

Speaking of, what the hell triggered my episode this morning? I can't remember anything out of the ordinary that I was looking at or thinking about. I'll just let it go, since it would probably just stir up another one.

I head to my locker to drop off my books and get the hell out of the school. Once in my car, I start to feel funny again. Sensing a potential flashback, I try to talk my body out of it. I rest my head on the steering wheel and talk it through.

Come on Bella. This is stupid. Just breathe. In, out, in, out.

After the feeling finally goes away, I notice that most of the cars are gone already. I look up after starting the car and notice Edward Cullen staring at me with a puzzled look in his eyes.

Wonderful! Now he probably thinks I'm completely mental.

I blush and head home. Once there, I find Renee sitting on the stairs biting her lip like a mad woman.

"BABY!" She yells once she sees me walk in the door.

She sprints from the stairs to me and I stagger back from the force of her hug.

"Mom, calm down! I'm fine. But I'm tired and I have homework to do so I will see you in a bit, 'kay?" I hope she falls for it. I just want to be alone.

"Oh, of course! I will make you some food and bring it up to you later." She walks away talking about something that sounded like grilled cheese and tomato soup.

I run up to my room, not a good thing to do when I have my clumsy days, and apparently, today turned into one as I fell and hit my arm on the edge of one of the stairs.

"FUCK!" I whisper-yell at the inanimate offender.

I pick myself up and head to the bedroom for the lock-box under my bed. I take the key from my pocket and breathe a sigh of relief as I see the magical pills inside.

After I swallowed a few pills, I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of my bed.

I catch my reflection in the mirror on the vanity and gasp. How the hell did my mother not notice that I look a wreck? My makeup is smeared under my eyes a little and I have a blush on my cheeks that, after looking at it for a minute, doesn't appear to be fading.

I sit at the vanity and fix my face. My phone vibrates at its spot on my bed and I walk over and slide it open.

_You okay? – J_

I love Jasper, really I do, but I'm getting real tired real quick of this concerned-pity bullshit. I mean, yeah, I'm not really _okay_, but I'm not going to get any better with people breathing down my neck.

_I'll be fine - K_

Not waiting for a reply, I lie down on my bed and try to let the tension roll off with the magical effects of the pills. Sadly, they don't work that fast and I will have to wait a bit longer.

A knock at the door interrupts my failing attempt at relaxation. "Yeah?" I say loud enough so it will carry through the door.

The door opens and my face lights up. Just what I needed. I didn't even know or even think that this was what I needed, until it drops in my lap. Or in this case, opens my door.

"Hey Bells." Emmett grins while shutting the door.

I'm about to respond when all of a sudden I see Emmett booking it to my bed and canon-balling in the center, causing me to fly a foot off the bed.

As soon as I'm back on a stable surface, I pull my arm back and deliver a perfect punch on his forearm.

"JESUS!" He winces and rubs his arm.

"You jack-ass! I could have fallen off and broken something! Not to mention you could have broken my bed!" I yell at the poor guy.

"Sorry! It just looked too comfortable and..." he trails off looking genuinely apologetic.

I laugh and sit myself down in his lap. I peck his cheek and laugh.

"Whatever, you're forgiven."

He cheers and hugs me tight. When I say tight, I really mean it. He's like a freaking Gorilla when he's affectionate. I feel bad for Rose when they're…enjoying themselves.

Finally, he lets go, but not before another –softer this time- punch to his arm. For about 20 minutes, we talk about random things, with me still in his arms.

Renee comes to my door to tell me that dinner is ready. In a much better mood than I was before, I agree to eat it downstairs. Of course, Em stays for the food…and to flirt shamelessly with my mother. Dork.

After eating a few bites, which is normal for me, and listening to my best friend say suggestive things to my mother, I give my uneaten sandwich to Emmett, which he eats in one bite. Ew. I can go on all day with the one word sentences that describe him. It reminds me of his vocabulary.

I put my dish in the sink and head into the living room. I see Phil in his favorite chair pouring over his favorite book. Something to do with baseball, I'm guessing. I only stick to the classics when I read. That's something no one knows. Not even Jasper. I don't intentionally hide that fact from everyone. It's just that no one asks, so why blurt it out randomly? The books deserve more respect than that. Yeah, call me a nerd, whatever. I'll just call you a bitch or a whore right back without missing a beat. I've mastered the art of comebacks and intimidation. I suppose you could call it a hobby of mine.

"Hey Dad" I say while getting comfortable in the giant couch facing the flat screen.

"Hey you. How're you feeling?" He looks up from his book and studies my face. Thank God I fixed it before coming down here.

"I'd feel a lot better if everyone would stop asking variations of that question," I snap before feeling incredibly guilty. I wince and continue, "Sorry. It's been a long day."

Phil snorts. "I'll say. Have you taken your medication?"

Not the ones that you are thinking about. I almost say before fixing the sentence.

"Yep. I took them when I got home." I guess my face didn't look as if I had been lying to him, because he mutters a good and looks back at his book.

One of the many awesome things about Phil, is he doesn't push things. If I say I don't want to talk about something, he won't force me. He lets me come out with things on my own time. Which has helped a lot the past few years.

He never questioned why my birth mother turned into a spine-less drunk. He never questioned why I wanted to kill myself when I told him and Renee that I thought about it every day back then. He never questioned how I finally got out of the house and away from that Hell.

He let me say it to them when I was comfortable and I'm forever grateful for that. I know that if I was pushed, I would still be harboring those memories and dealing with them on my own. It's nice to loosen the weight on my shoulders every once in a while.

After I would tell them about my past, Jasper and Emmett would come over and I would tell them exactly what I told Phil and Renee.

While they were pissed every time after I told them something new, I knew their anger wasn't directed at me, but what the animal did to me and what my mother let happen in front of her own eyes and hands.

I felt good after telling all the people I loved about my past. It seemed like every memory seemed to float away for a moment when they all knew. I can't really explain it, but I can say that they were freeing moments.

Angela doesn't know about my past. While I call her my Best Friend, I don't think she could handle it. I know how her mind works. The only thing I told her was that something happened to me when I was younger and it fucked me up. Which just so happened to grant me a shitload of medication that I don't really need, but use anyways.

After an hour or two of watching some MTV show about pregnant teens, I head upstairs, noticing that Emmett is apparently spending the night, since his shit is outside of my door.

I take a shower and wash my face before taking a pill…or two. Crawling into my bed, I think about Edward.

Woah, what the hell?

I wonder what he thinks after seeing me almost have a breakdown in my car. I wish I could read his mind or something. I hope he doesn't mention it to anyone, because it would totally damage my rep.

As I am wondering if his hair is actually as soft as it looks, I feel the mattress dip under the massive weight of Emmett and feel his arms around me.

We mumble our goodnights and share a hug. Which ended up being weird since he was behind me, but a hug nonetheless.

That was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Yes, I'm completely aware that I suck. Hah, that goes well with the title of this chapter! :)**

**Living in Michigan sucks, so I had to head over to Wisconsin to do some shopping for my wardrobe for school. Anyone else say wardrobe and immediately think of Harry Potter? No? Just me? Damn. **

**This story won't be updated on Twilighted for quite some time. I added a new story in the queue over there, and it takes a few weeks for them to be updated and I can't have more than one story in the queue at a time. I'm sad because I get my inspiration to write from over there. Since no one over here likes to review. *hint hint***

**Fuck hints. REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**Things I own: 4 cats, 1 dog, and a crazy love for Jackson Rathbone.**

**Things I don't own: Twilight.**

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My alarm awakes me the next morning. I extract myself from Emmett's arms and look back at his sleeping face. He looks so child-like with just the hint of a smile on his face. My heart swells with love and gratitude for him. I don't know what I would look like if it weren't for him last night. With one last glance at him, I turn to get ready for yet another day at Forks High.

The shower is a…experience for me. While the scorching water relaxes me, I always end up looking at my not so subtly scarred body. I can't even remember exactly how I got each scar, since there are so many and I was never able to keep track. My stomach is without a doubt the worst, with burn marks scattered about. The most prominent is the 5 inch scar going straight across my stomach, dipping into my belly button. I remember exactly how I got this one.

_Sitting on my bed waiting for the door to slam, I count the sounds of raindrops on the roof. It seems like all I do is count these days, but it takes my mind somewhat off of my current arrangement. _

_426….427….428… SLAM…430…431…STOMP…43-STOMP…43-STOMP….435…SWING._

Snapping out of it before it goes any further, I find myself sitting on the floor of the shower with silent tears running down my face. The tears, I can't be positive about, since the water from the shower head is the same temperature as my shame.

Finishing in the shower, I tip-toe into the room to find Em rubbing his eyes.

"Hey, you." He says with his voice still thick with sleep.

"Shower's open." I say while taking my seat at the giant vanity. I see out of the corner of my eye, Emmett getting up off the bed and making his way over to me.

He stands directly behind me and kisses the top of my head while locking eyes with me through the mirror. I smile and take a deep breath of the scent that is day-old Emmett – which is surprisingly fresh. You wouldn't expect that from such a big guy.

As he heads to the bathroom, I start covering my scars. Most you can't even see if I apply the makeup right. Others have texture and are almost impossible to cover, so I never wear tank-stops since they are mainly on the tops of my arms. This doesn't really matter, since this is Forks I'm talking about and its way too cold for sleeve-less shirts.

After my arms and neck are covered properly, I grab the hair dryer and style my hair. Opting for loose curls instead of flat-ironing, I grab the double-barrel and get to work. Since my hair is extremely easy to work with, I'm done by the time that Emmett gets out from the bathroom in nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Are you for real right now?" Gesturing to his state of un-dress.

"Baby, I'm all real," he says as he drops the towel. Damn me and my slow reflexes. I catch an eye full of Emmett, which admittedly I have seen before, but hoped to never see again.

After my eyes have been thoroughly raped, he grabs his bag off the floor and heads back into the bathroom. I eye the towel on the floor and hear his signature booming laugh from the other side of the door.

"Fucker," I mumble, while my mouth betrays my mind and smiles. Leave it to Emmett to make me feel better once again, even if I didn't notice I was feeling down.

He comes out of the bathroom a few minutes later while I'm putting on the finishing touches of my make-up.

"You still pissed?" he asks.

"No." I glare at him while reaching over for my ipod to turn on some music. Demi Lovato comes on and I smile. If there's anything that Emmett hates more than cookie-less kitchens, it's Demi Lovato. As "Solo" blares through the speakers I don't hear, but see his dislike.

_Speak to me_

_And in your words I hear the melody_

_But in the twilight it's so hard to see_

_What's wrong for me_

Staring at the rows and rows of clothes in my closet, I finally pick a yellow v-neck with a white tank-top under it, paired with dark ripped skinny jeans. Heading over to my collection of shoes, I tap my lips with my finger in thought.

_I'd rather go to a party alone_

_Than have to walk around with you on my arm_

Do I want to wear the yellow boots or heels?

_Now I'm proud to admit that we're done_

_Good luck trying to find me_

I finally choose the heels, thinking I will just use the boots for next week.

I shimmy out of my towel and slip on my clothes. Looking into the full-length mirror, I fluff my hair and give myself the okay to head out. Clicking into my room, I grab my bag, ipod and cell phone.

"You coming or are you just going to sing along with Demi all day?" I tease while he shoots a scowl in my direction.

We head downstairs and wave to Lauren as we pass her. I wait by the door while Emmett runs into the kitchen to find whatever food has been left out for us. He comes back out with two bowls that, by the looks of it, are still hot.

I climb into my car while Emmett shovels food down his throat. There is NO food allowed in my car. None whatsoever. He gestures to my bowl and I shake my head.

A few seconds later, he climbs into my car after finishing both of our portions and we head out.

We drive in comfortable silence with the exception of Emmett occasionally whistling until we get to the school.

I pull into the empty space next to Jasper and his bike. He strolls over and opens my door for my while kissing me on my temple.

"Hey baby. Is your phone broken?" He asks while nodding over his greeting to Emmett.

I tilt my head a little to the left, "No, why?"

"You didn't reply to my texts." He says with an accusing glare.

I lean into his defined chest and wrap my arms around him. "I'm sorry." Is all I can say.

He hesitates for a second before reciprocating and hugging me tight. We break apart after a moment and head into the school with Emmett trailing behind us.

Once I get to my locker, Jasper kisses my temple again and winks at Alice before following stride with Emmett towards their lockers. I turn to say hello to Alice to find her staring at me.

"Are you and Jasper a couple?" she asks almost nervously.

I laugh, "Not traditionally. Why?" I decide to play along.

"Well because him and I kind of…I wouldn't do anything with him if you and him were—"I cut her off.

"Calm down Mini. I already know that the two of you "kind of"" I mimic her before continuing, "We aren't dating." I clarify.

"Oh. Well, okay." She pauses for a second. "So how was your day? You seemed kind of out of it after lunch. But that's just my opinion. Did anything happen? I feel like something might have happened that I don't know about. Plus Edward said –"

When I finally catch up to her fast-as-fuck talking, I cut her off again.

"What the fuck did Edward say?" I say a bit harsh.

Alice, having not heard the tone of my voice or deciding to ignore it, answers me.

"Well, he didn't really say anything, really. He just said that he wanted to talk to you today because of something yesterday. So I just figured something happened, cause that's what he said." She looks at me expectantly.

"Nothing happened, Alice." I try to look convincing. I can lie well when I need to.

She gives me a look that clearly says "I'm not buying it" but says nothing more. I smile and wave before heading off to my first class.

Homeroom went by quickly, with me and Ang talking the entire time and Jessica throwing some nervous looks in our direction. Hah, let her sweat it out for a bit longer. I'll get to her later.

I head to Biology with a carefully neutral face. All during homeroom I couldn't help but be nervous about talking to Edward. But as I walk into the classroom, I see Jasper in the seat next to mine and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. That's right! Edward was only in that seat for one day until Jasper took it.

I smile and sit next to Jasper. He leans over and whispers to me.

"Why are you so relived?" He's always so in tune with my emotions, it's scary.

"I thought I was going to have to sit next to Edward again." I tell him truthfully.

He laughs and gets his stuff out of his bag on the floor. I take the chance to check out his backside and scan the room. I notice Edward sitting at a table one row back and two rows over. He's looking right back at me with an expression I can't place. I physically and mentally roll my shoulders back and get my stuff ready for the class.

All throughout the class, I could feel his eyes on me. Already a semi-paranoid person, this creeped me out and made me extremely nervous. After about 10 minutes of full fidgeting, Jasper turns to me with a questioning stare. I mumble sorry and put my head down so my hair falls in my face.

I can tell that it bugs Jasper to no end that I'm shutting him out like this. I honestly don't know why I am, and it bugs me too. I never keep anything from him. And I'm not really keeping anything from him, I'm just not throwing all of my emotions and feelings on the table for him to analyze like I normally do. I just don't know if I'm relived or upset by this.

He nudges me and I look up in time to see his hurt expression, which pretty much kills me. I shut my eyes and try to forget where I am until the end of class. When the obnoxious bell rings, I grab my things as quickly as possible without injuring myself in some way. I almost make it out of the class without falling over, but sadly, I'm Bella Swan. Flat surfaces and gravity don't like me.

I trip on absolutely nothing and almost break my head open on the closest desk, but something strong and warm wraps around my waist preventing it. Instinctively, my hands grab onto the object that pretty much saved my life. Only then do I realize that it isn't an object like I thought, it's an arm.

I extract myself from the grip and turn around, only to find myself staring into those brilliant green eyes again. I blush and mumble an apology before escaping to my locker. Alice, just when I think I need her, isn't there. Of course.

With my already bad mood, I look over to see Jessica whispering about something probably un-important. That is, until she points at me, laughs, and goes back to whispering. I'm talked about every day, so this really shouldn't bother me. But the events in the past few days have all lead up to me in a terrible mood and Jessica really isn't helping herself –well in this case, her face- with pissing me off.

"Katy, I wouldn't stand so close to Jessica, you never know what you could catch!" I yell to Jessica's one-person army, earning a few snickers, some cheers, and loud agreements from the passing people in the halls.

As intended, Jessica stammers and tries to deny it to random kids who aren't really listening. She glares at me and I just do a curtsey. I'm happy to say that I didn't fall over by this gesture, as I normally would. Deciding to deal with her later and not miss my next class, even though it would be freaking awesome if I did skip it, I shut my locker.

Off to trig we go.

God, I hate trig. As I hate gym when we do stupid things like baseball. I also have government, but I'm pretty sure I've already mentioned this. Health wasn't too bad, but Jasper was acting pretty cold, obviously pissed off and upset with me, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him about it. What would I even say, anyways?

"Hey Jasper, so I basically hate my life right now and I'm constantly popping pills to drown my sorrows. Also, I may have a thing for pretty green eyes, but who knows."

Yeah, that wouldn't go down real well. I'm almost positive that those pretty green eyes would be rimmed by black and purple bruises, caused by dear Jasper's fist. While I'm not ashamed to admit that watching Jasper kick someone's ass in the past has definitely turned me on, I don't think it would this particular time.

Getting into my house after a silent drive home, I decide to just go to my room instead of seeing who is home. Thankfully the stairs don't decide to attack me and I make it into my room without causing bodily harm.

I flop down on my bed and wish it all to go away. Really, what is wrong with me? I just don't understand. First I meet Alice, then Edward, then I freakin' pass out in front of my family and Edward sees me having a mental breakdown in my car. What the hell have I done to create such a clusterfuck?

Perhaps it's all the alcohol. Could be the drugs. Maybe it's the sex with friends. Could be the sex with strangers. Perhaps it's the bitchiness I seem to ooze out of every pore.

Ugh. I'm a bad person. Fuck.

This is definitely not how I thought I would spend this week. I thought everything was going to go off without a hitch leading up to Emmett's party this weekend. Oh, shit. That's tomorrow, isn't it?

I turn and grab my guitar, hoping to let off some steam. You would think I would be terrible at guitar, because it requires hand-eye coordination, but surprisingly, I can actually play. And play good. Renee and Phil set me up with lessons shortly after arriving with them. Spitting out some shit about it being good to concentrate on something good and learn something new. At the time, I hated it. My fingers hurt, I couldn't strum the right strings at the right time, and it was time-consuming. Now, I enjoy the calluses on my fingers, can pluck any string blindfolded without a sense of touch, and it occupies the time when I need to be thinking about something important.

I start off with a few random plucks, picking out a few notes that stood out and playing them over. I hear the melody in my head, so I start strumming faster and adding notes here and there. By the end of the hour, I got a brand new song to add to my ever-growing collection.

I've always enjoyed making songs. It's something that I have created personally and intimately and there is no other song that is exactly like it. Only Jasper has heard my songs. He's ultimately the only one who I trust completely, so sharing that part of me was the smart thing to do. It's still hard whenever I begin to play for him, but come on, it's Jasper. He loves and accepts me and isn't afraid to tell me when I suck. Not that he ever does. He enjoys when I…suck, if you catch my drift.

While strumming the song over and over, the lyrics finally come to me.

_I don't know why, I don't know, why I'm so afraid_

_I don't know how, I don't know, how to fix the pain_

_We're living a lie, living a lie, this needs to change_

_We're out of time, were out of time, and still the same._

And then, that's it. What the fuck? Usually I get at least half a song in my head before starting over to find the rest. And I only get 4 fucking lines? Well, shit. I guess guitar won't work this time. Knowing what will work well with my plan to forget how fucked up I am, I grab my phone and call Jasper.

He answers on the 2nd ring.

"What?"

Well, jeez. Just slap me in the face or something.

"Jazz, can you come over?" I ask in my normal "come fuck me" voice.

"No." Again with the one word shit.

"What the hell, Jasper?" I say, tired of this shit.

"What the fuck, Bella?" He deadpans with an upgrade in cuss words.

"Just come over here." I sigh.

"Again, no." he says, cold as ever.

Jasper has never ever shut me out. But I guess I've never shut him out either, so I deserve this. But I don't like it. With my anger gone, replaced by guilt and self-fucking-pity, I sigh into the phone again, this time sounding more dejected.

"I deserve this." I say right before hanging up, not wanting to hear his agreement.

Lying down on my bed, I shut my eyes and try to will the tears back to wherever the hell they came from. The stupid salty water just gives me the finger and squeezes out anyways. I'm not entirely sure how long I was locked in this position when I hear the open and close. Not bothering to open my eyes to Renee, probably with food on a damn tray and a sympathetic motherly face, I just lay there, hoping to die.

The bed dips and I get a flashback of Emmett doing this only last night. But this scent is definitely not Emmett. It's softer and unmistakably Jasper. I hear him sigh and wipe the tear tracks running from the corner of my eyes to my ears.

He shifts himself to mold into my side and wraps his arm around me. When I speak, it's almost unrecognizable. I hardly ever cry and when I do, I'm not a pretty one.

"This seems to be happening a lot lately." I gesture to our position, trying to lighten the ever-so-dark mood. Jasper cracks a smile, knowing about Emmett and last night, but then becomes serious.

"Darlin', I'm sorry…" He says with such sincere emotion, I didn't even have to open my eyes to see it.

I turn so I'm on my right hip and look him in the eyes. I have to blink away a few tears that seem to be partying in my eyes, first.

"It's not your fault I'm a bitch and a horrible friend." It's the truth, and it fucking sucks.

"You're not a horrible friend, sugar."

"You forgot to say that I'm not a bitch."

"I don't want to lie to a certain beautiful girl in my arms." He smirks and kisses my forehead.

"Slick. You almost made me forget you just called me a bitch." I laugh genuinely for the first time today. And it feels oh-so-good. This is why I love Jasper. He seems to know exactly what to say and exactly when to say it. That, and his cute little "darlin's" and his hands. Oh, his hands.

"I honestly don't know what's wrong with me," When he looks like he's about to object to the truth, I add, "lately." I sigh and start to play with his fingers to distract myself from his eyes.

"Everything is catching up with you. It's got to be hard and I don't blame you for how you've handled it. I just wish you wouldn't shut me out. You never have before, and I thought you trusted me enough." His voice is so broken towards the end that more traitor tears slide down my face.

"I trust you with my life, Jazz. I trust you more than anyone on this Earth. I just…god, I don't know. I just feel so conflicted, you know?"

"No, not really. But I would if you told me what's going on in that little head of yours."

So, I tell him. Which could be really bad, or really good.

"I'm popping pills." I blurt out. Wow, not really how I wanted to start this. Shit.

"What?" His eyes take on an edge.

"I take more than my doctor says to." I whisper.

"You're serious?" he growls when I nod.

"Did you suddenly forget about Maria?" he asks all detached.

Shit. I did forget about Maria. Maria was Jasper's girlfriend back when he lived in Texas. Even as young as they were, she did a lot of drugs. Ended up over-dosing on some cheap shit she bought. Jasper, heart-broken, moves to live with his dad and became friends with me. Still eats him up that he didn't save her or make her stop. The poor guy holds the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Well?" He growls louder. The crying session earlier, partnering with the fact that I haven't had a smoke in for-fucking-ever, had created a small dull in my head. His loud voice, grunt, growl, whatever the hell you would call it, sends the hammers on full blast.

Headaches for me are worse than anything. Not the hangover headaches, those I can handle just fine after caffeine and Tylenol. But the ones that come from being stressed. Doctor said that I have a sensitive skull and even the littlest things can set off my discomfort. The shitty thing is, I can't take my anxiety pills, along with the right pills for my migraines. So, I usually have to stop whatever I'm doing and lay down forever, waiting for it to subside. Said treatment can't really happen with a fuming Jasper right in my face.

I cringe at his loud decibel, but he decides to ignore it. That pisses me off to an entirely new level. What, so now he has no concern for my pain? Bastard.

He raises an eyebrow waiting for my answer. Fuck you, Jasper.

"No, I didn't forget. Stop fucking yelling at me because I can't even see straight right now and I don't need this!" I yell, getting a little dizzy when my brain knocks around a bit. Owww.

"I don't need you to kill yourself!" Why the hell is he still yelling? Jesus Christ.

"That's not my intention! You know I don't want to kill myself! How fucking dare you even think that about me! You say you know me better than anyone!" I yell, each sentence louder than the last. The familiar black dots cloud my vision, but I try to ignore it.

"I do! What the hell, Bella? I don't want you to be depressed all the time! I love you and I want you to fight this! I want you to fight this and let me back you up! How do you not understand this?" Thankfully he slightly lowers his voice towards the end, but it's not really doing anything for the dots almost completely taking over my vision.

"I'm trying!" I scream.

And that's all I get out before the dots take over everything and I fall down the never ending hole to nowhere.

Well, shit. This sucks.

**Happy? I noticed a bunch of you lovely readers who review were constantly wondering about what happened with James after the 1st Chapter. While this doesn't really say, it gives some more background, yes? Have I mentioned that I really love reviews and they make me happy? A happy writer makes for a faster writer!!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yes, I'm aware that I am an Epic Fail. I just haven't been inspired lately. **

**No matter, I am currently at my computer in the wee hours of the morning writing another chapter for all of you lovely readers. **

**I listened to one song the entire time I was writing this. "24" by Jem. It was in the second Center Stage movie and for some reason, it inspires me to write. It's epic with a lot of bass and violins. Ch-ch-check it out.**

**S.M. owns Twilight.**

**I own a picture of me with Edi Gathegi and Chaske Spencer. Pretty epic.**

**Oh, before I forget, if you need visuals and want to see what Bella or any other character is wearing, just ask and I will send you the links.**

**If any of you lovely readers would like to start a thread over on Twilighted for this story, I would llllooovvveeee you forever! I'm too scared to start one on my own.**

I awake to the sound of…nothing. What the hell happened? Shit, why the hell is a marching band jamming around in my head? Okay, dramatic yes, but that's what it feels like.

I crack open one eye, prepared for the brightness of the room, and breathe a sigh of relief when I see that it's nearly black, with the exception of a pink glow from my Christmas lights I have circling the room.

I open both eyes and try to sit up. Bad idea. I flop back down on the pillow. Also not the best idea. I cringe and lay as still as possible, trying to will the pain playing tackle football in my brain to cease.

After who knows how long, the tackle football dims to touch football and I try sitting up again. This time, thankfully, I can actually hold myself up. Score one for Bella! I look around the room for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing pops out at me, so I decide to let it slide until I find something to calm my head.

I look to my left and see a glass of water on the little table. I grab it along with the three little pills next to it and down them. After setting the glass back down half-empty, I gingerly swing my legs to the edge of the bed and stand. Another score for Bella, as I can actually support my weight without tumbling over.

I look down to see that someone stripped me to just my bra and boy-shorts. I slowly make my way over to my closet and feel around, not wanting the harsh light to fuck me up even more.

I locate a wife-beater many sizes too big. Too big to be Jasper's so it has to be Emmett's. Thinking Jasper's name in my head triggered the lost memories from before I passed out. Everything comes back to me. The shouting, accusations, crying and pain all hit me in the face and I suddenly become really fucking pissed off.

How dare Jasper!? He knew I was in pain. He can sense my moods better than anyone – better than me most of the time. Yet, he still yelled and made me feel like nothing. Which is really saying something, 'cause I already feel like nothing.

I slip on the wife-beater and throw my hay-stack hair into a loose pony tail, as to not disturb my head even more, and pad down the stairs. I can't hear shit, but that's normal. With such a big house, it's hard to hear someone talking if they are a few rooms over.

Looking in the living room and seeing no one, I continue to the kitchen and Bingo! there's Phil.

He sees me over his book and motions for me to join him at the island counter. I make my way over to him and once there, he wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head, instantly comforting me. Why is it that everyone but me knows what to do when I need it? This shit is starting to get old. The not knowing shit, not Phil's fatherly embrace. I will never tire of these.

"You okay?" he whispers.

"No, I'm not okay." I say, a bit pissed. Do I look okay? No.

"Calm down, Bells," he scolds. "You've been out for a few hours, by the way." He tells me, answering the question that was about to come out of my mouth.

He releases me, so I take the chair next to him and hop in it. "When did Jasper leave?"

"He came down to tell us you passed out and once we went to check on you, he left." He sighs, obviously wondering what the hell happened.

"We had a fight." I say, not wanting to get into detail. Phil's reaction would be much worse than Jasper's if he found out I was taking more than prescribed.

"About…" he tries to lead me into it. Nope, not going there dad.

"I don't really want to talk about it. I'm going to go back upstairs and get some sleep."

He gives me a stern look that softens after a moment before nodding. With my head feeling heaps better, I jog upstairs and close myself off in my room. I stand against the door for a second, trying to catch my breath. Shit, I'm out of shape. Maybe I'll workout with Emmett soon, I guess. I can't lift or curl anything close to what he does, but whatever. I'm not completely weak.

I pad over to my bed after tossing the wife-beater to the floor and see that my phone is on the pillow where Jasper's head used to be. I slide it open and see 3 new texts.

_U OK? –E_

Yes, Emmett is still unable to form a complete word.

_Want 2 go shopping?? –A_

Alice? Hmm. Normally I would be commenting on the number in the middle of the sentence, but I like the sentence better. Maybe Alice is just what I need.

_We need to talk –J_

Couldn't agree more, Jasper. Ugh. Just thinking his name causes my entire body to shake with anger. How dare he!? Yeah, we need to talk. Preferably with our fists. I know Jasper would never hit a girl, but he knows I'll hit him if I'm angry enough. And trust me, I'm definitely angry enough.

I text Emmett first, then Alice.

_No _

_Definitely. When? _

Right when I slide my phone closed, it alerts me of a new text. Probably from Alice. The sneaky little midget is faster than lightening, apparently. It probably took Emmett ten minutes to type those three letters. But when I open my phone, it's not from Alice.

_I'm sorry. Please call. –J_

Serves him right to beg. I text him back to placate him.

_Head hurts. Not now._

Alright, so the first part is a lie. But I want him to feel bad about this. My head was filled with excruciating pain earlier, so I guess it's not a complete lie…right? Oh who am I kidding? It's a lie.

I slide my phone closed, suddenly exhausted. The crying and stress must finally be catching up to me. Thank god. I haven't had a good night sleep in forever. I hop off the bed to open the safe with my pills and take out the orange bottles. I take the right dosage for once and lock it back up before setting my alarm and sliding under the covers.

***

I awake the next morning pleasantly rested. I stretch and turn off the obnoxious beeping that awoke me. I make my way over to my vanity and am reminded that I didn't wash my hair last night. I pad over to my bathroom and take a quick shower. A few minutes later, I've taken one of the quickest showers of my life and hop out. I blow dry my hair straight and grab my ipod. "Supergirl" by Saving Jane comes on and I laugh. This is pretty much my life anthem.

_I'm the life of the party_

_So contagious_

_All the boys want to catch me_

_But I'm just playin'_

I head into the closet after I deem my hair perfect. I decide on a pair of black skinny jeans with bright yellow seams, along with some black heels and yellow leg warmers. For my top, I decide on a black long sleeved v-neck and a black scarf. I like to match. If I don't match, I don't feel like I look good.

_I'm the perfect disaster_

_You can't stop me_

_Coming faster and faster_

_You just watch me_

Ain't that the truth.

I sit down at my vanity again to put on a smoky eye and clear gloss for my lips after covering up the discoloration left from James' attacks on my neck and cheek.

**--FLASHBACK--**

_After sitting on the floor for what felt for hours, I finally got up to clean the blood off of my face and dirt off my shirt. I didn't bother looking in the mirror while cleaning up the disgusting mess. I could feel where it was bleeding and the dried blood crusted my face, creating an uncomfortable feeling whenever I moved. _

_I wiped it all up and then washed the rag so I could use the same one for the next time he did this. It was a for-sure fact that he was going to do it again. He always comes back for more. I laid down on the too-small bed and rocked for a while until I heard the noise I've always wanted to hear._

_"I'll be back tomorrow. Make sure she doesn't do anything." James yelled to a probably passed out Victoria. _

_SLAM_

_I didn't breathe. I couldn't. Was this a trick? Please God, don't let it be a trick. I slowly got up off the bed and inched towards the door. After looking underneath it and seeing no shadows in front of the door. I jumped back to the bed, suddenly terrified. Could I really do this? Could I really get out of here? Could I really escape and be free of this hell forever? Please, please, please…_

**--End of Flashback—**

Gasping for air, I finally made it back to reality. I'm not in that house anymore, I don't need to think about it ever again so why the hell are all of these memories suddenly coming back? I don't want this. I don't want to be reduced to begging like I did that night. That night that changed my life forever. Shaking my head and trying to shake the disturbing memories out, I quickly touched up my makeup, which was smudged from my tears.

I practically run to get my phone and throw it into my bag before slowly going down the staircase. After all, I'm wearing heels and it wouldn't be very cool if I face-planted down the stairs. I've done it before and it's not fun. Especially when a laughing-so-hard-he-can't-breathe Emmett is next to you watching it.

I don't say goodbye to my loving family. I just want to be alone. I don't want to see the looks on their faces. The looks that clearly show that they know I've had a breakdown. Anyone who sees me in the next few minutes will automatically know. I'm pretty sure I look like a crazy person. But maybe that's what I am. Crazy.

I get into my car after successfully getting out of the house unnoticed and start my drive over to Emmett's to help him set up for his party tonight. Perfect. Just what I need, alcohol to make me forget. It's worked in the past, so this should be wonderful.

I hope.

**A/N : This chapter is crazy short, but I just couldn't figure out what to write so I ended it. I will work more tonight on the next chapter. Sorry it's so short, but we're getting somewhere now!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi all! Long time no see! I'm sorry I haven't written in a while, this is definitely the longest I've gone without writing. School just started, and I got a part in the musical here in town! I've had some troubles with my head, which isn't supposed to happen since in November 2008 I had brain surgery to correct it, basically I'm unable to move, much less pick up a pencil and write, so bear with me on this for a while.**

** OHH! I have a thread on the Twilighted forum and it's getting pretty lonely over there, so come and say hello! **

**In this chapter, while it's pretty short, you meet a very important person in Bella's life. You will learn more about them in the chapter after this, which is going to be fun to write, cause it's alot of drama, :)**

**S.M. owns Twilight.**

**I own a love for the new Fame soundtrack and a hate for the movie The Stepfather. *shudder***

"That's what she said!" Emmett's voice booms through the giant house, followed by drunken laughter. I roll my eyes and continue drinking. I'm not entirely sure that's in this cup and it takes like ass, but I'm good.

From my vantage point on the stairs, I see Jasper walk in and search for something. Or someone, as when his eyes lock with mine, he stops and heads towards me.

I brace myself for the impact of a pissed off Jasper yelling, but as he reaches me, his eyes soften just a bit and he slightly smiles.

"How are you?" he asks me.

"Fine, you?" I sigh and take another sig. He takes the cup, sniffs, and scowls. "What the hell is that?"

I shrug and put it down. I already have a nice buzz going, and I don't want to black out…yet.

He sits beside me and bumps my shoulder in an apology. I don't know how I know that it's an apology, but I do. I smile at him and I'm granted the gorgeous smile that creates laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. He takes my hand and places it in his, and then starts moving his thumb slowly, comfortingly over mine.

I lean into him and close my eyes. If I block out the obnoxious noise of Forks High, I could almost be in my happy place with Jasper. That is until my entire body goes on alert. No, no, no, not a flashback tonight, please.

I open my eyes to see Edward Cullen with his tiny sister at his side, staring at me. Well, Edward is staring at me, while Alice is staring at Jasper. I take a deep breath once I see Alice point at us and lead the way over.

"Hi!" she squeals, while grabbing me in a bone-crushing hug. She then turns to Jasper and holds her cheek out, which he promptly looks confused at. Alice rolls her eyes and taps her index finger on her cheek, which then causes Jasper to laugh a small nervous laugh before bending down and kissing it.

That shit is just weird. I chance a look over to Edward, expecting him to look pissed that some guy just kissed his sister in front of him, but instead his eyes are on me.

"Can we talk?" he asks in a soft, yet determined voice.

I look over to Jasper, wanting him to say that I'm not allowed and to tell Edward to fuck off, but I'm greeted…or not, with an empty space. What the hell? Jasper just fucking ups and leaves me? Oh, we're definitely talking about this later.

Seeing no reason not to talk, Edward smiles a crooked smile and looks pointedly at me. I sigh and shrug my shoulders, a sign for him to just fucking talk already. Instead, he looks at the door and then back at me before heading towards it. I follow him like a goddamn dog outside while shamelessly checking out his ass.

We walk a bit towards the beautiful little pond on the side of Em's house before stopping. I look at him, only to find him sitting on one of the over-sized boulders waiting for me to do the same.

"I want to know."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"What happened in your car?" He clarifies slowly, as if talking to a child.

Well if he's going to get snippy…

"Nothing." I say, switching my line of sight to the water, watching it ripple next to the deep green grass. Deep green grass that reminds me of the very-warm body with deep green eyes sitting next to me. Fuck.

"Bullshit," he calls me out. "I saw _something,_ I just don't know what."

His soft voice pleads with me, almost breaking my walls, but I know better than that.

"This isn't your business." I say simply, hoping this will be the end of our conversation. Apparently, Edward and I aren't on the same page with this.

"What if I want to make it my business?"

With this, my head snaps over to him, which is a bad idea with my inebriated state. I sway on the rock and almost fall off before he grabs my arm to steady me. With his touch, my body ignites. Not the way that it does when Jazz touches me, but a new wonderfully evil way.

I rip my arm from his grasp and scowl at my lap. "What if I don't?" I say through clenched teeth. The spark thing only happens in movies, and it's starting to piss me off. My life is not some cheesy, badly directed movie with fake actors. It's real and no one, not even Edward Cullen isn't going to change that.

"I know that you felt that spark. I felt it too." He grabs my face and forces eye contact. The damn spark re-boots and comes back tenfold as soon as his hand connects with my face.

I close my eyes, determined to make the spark go away, but it doesn't. I open them after a moment and find Edward's face much closer than it was before. Like, 6 inches closer. I can feel his breath on my lips and smell his wonderful scent and admittedly swoon.

But it's not what I feel or smell, it's what I _see. _His eyes darken and they are looking at mine with such intensity, if I wasn't behind held by his strong hands, I would have been blown back a few states. I close my eyes and let it happen.

His lips softly touch mine and I gasp. If I thought the spark was intense before, I had no idea what I was talking about. It intensifies to infinite when he takes advantage of my open mouth and his tongue seeks out my own. After the moment of shock wears off, I start to respond, earning a soft moan from him.

Wanting to hear the wonderful sound again, I wrap my hands around his head and pull softly on his hair. This time, instead of a soft moan, I earn a loud growl from his chest. Holy hell is that hot!

After a minute, or two, or maybe three, could even be four or five, I pull away and rest my forehead on his and catch my breath. He seems to be equally dazed, so we just sit for a moment, trying to get our heads on straight.

I have never, ever had an experience like that in my life. Apart from getting put into Phil and Renee's home after the incident. It was like everything became clear for a moment. Birds chirped and learned what Windex was, cat's meowed and discovered a couch is not a play-thing, Zenti finally learned he was a tool, and all of the most magical things ever.

I realize what just happened, and how even though I would very much like for it to happen again, it can't. I pull away with enough force for him to drop his hands from around me and stand up.

"Why are you denying this Bella? I know you feel it. I don't know what the hell this is, but I knew from the moment I saw you that this was meant to be. Why can't you just see that and let me in?" he pleads.

"I'm not some fucking whore, Edward." I spit at him. Okay maybe I am, but I'm not going to sleep with Edward Cullen. Especially after he says all of this "meant to be" shit. Honestly, what teen says that?

When I say his name a few times, out loud and in my head, I can feel something nagging me, trying to tell me something, but I'm too pissed and hurt to think about it further.

"I didn't mean it like that! Jesus Christ you're making this a lot harder than I thought. I want to be with you, to help you out when you break down and cry like I saw the other day in your car."

"What if that's not what I want?" I raise my eyebrow at him, daring him to say some smart ass comment about how it's not my choice.

"Then I'll stop bothering you. But I know you feel it. I know I sound completely ridiculous, spewing out this shit about 'meant to be', but I've never had this big of a connection with anyone before. I swear."

Took the words right from my mouth. Well, the meant to be shit, not the connection part. Well, maybe I feel a connection too. Okay, I definitely feel a connection to him, but I'm not going to act on it. Guys like Edward Cullen don't end up with girls like Bella Swan. It's just not right.

"Then I suggest you stop bothering me." I say before walking away from his sad face. That hurt a lot more than I thought it would. Fuck, I need another drink.

After getting inside and taking a drink from a still semi-sober Emmett, I take it upstairs to my room. The three of us --Jasper, Emmett, and I—stay at each other's houses so often, we have our own rooms in each. I open my door to find Alice and Jasper basically dry-humping on _my_ bed.

His goddamn room is one fucking room away! Lazy southern ass.

"Get to your own room, for Christ sake!" I yell, effectively breaking them from their over-the-clothes fucking. Honestly, it only takes a few seconds to take off your clothes if you are good enough. I sigh and take my sheets off of my bed and throw them to the floor.

Yes, they were fully clothed, but I don't want some weird shit on my bed from that. I lay on the bare mattress with my drink next to me, being careful not to spill it, and close my eyes. I fumble for my cell phone, needing to hear my savior's voice, and scroll through the contacts. I know the number by heart, having called it so many times, but I don't want to give some stranger a drunken pity party if I don't press the numbers right.

He picks up on the second ring.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I smile at the worried tone of his voice, always looking out for me.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little tipsy. Why the concern?"

"You really should stop drinking, I don't want to have to treat you one of these days with alcohol poisoning. I was, and am, concerned because you haven't called in a few days. Unusual for you."

"Sorry Carlisle. Life's just been busy lately," I say, thinking of Edward and the flashbacks.

"Any flashbacks or headaches?" he asks, always the doctor.

"A few."

"On a scale of one to ten…?" I can hear his pen probably writing in my file already. He must take that giant thing everywhere, he's always writing in it.

"The last one was a ten." I sigh, already knowing what he's going to say.

"Isabella Marie! Why have I not heard about this! You're supposed to tell me when things like this happen so I can see if something has developed!"

"I'm sorry, like I said before; I've just been really busy. I swear I was going to call you." I lied.

"Can you come see me tomorrow? Maybe run some tests?" He asks, probably already knowing the answer.

"Nope. You've run every single test on me. I don't have PTSD or a depression, so stop trying." I say, knowing that if he runs tests, he will see the elevated levels of medication, which will prompt him to ask about it, and then get hurt when I tell him the truth. Yeah, not going to happen. I care too much for my knight in a shining white lab coat to hurt him like that. I can deal with it on my own for now.

"PTSD can come at any time, you know that. It can come years from now and you won't know it unless you help me out here. Please, Bella."

If I don't agree to this, he will never shut up about it, so maybe I can do some tests without giving blood. Or distract him so he doesn't see the chart…okay, that's unlikely to happen.

Whatever, I don't give a shit. Let him yell at me. It can't be any worse than Jasper's disappointment and I got through that.

"Fine. I'll be there around 1."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. Go save some lives or some shit now." I say, slipping up with my French.

"Language!" He scolds, earning a laugh from me.

"Or some _stuff _now. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Bella. Lay off the alcohol tonight, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight."

I slide my phone shut, feeling completely sober with all of my thinking and stand. I head downstairs to see that most of the crowd has dispersed or passed out on the couches and floor. I roll my eyes at their light-weightness and keep going out the door.

I get in my car and head back home, go up the stairs and flop down on my sheeted comfy bed and fall asleep instantly.

Still, Edward's name is nagging at me. What the hell is so important about Edward Cullen?

**Carlisle! I'm thinking that some of you are going to be able why his name is nagging at her, but I'm not going to give it away until next chapter. If you like it, Review. If you hate it, Review. Basically, just Review.**


	10. Chapter 10

**What's this? An update before the next year?! **

**I've been crazy busy, but everything should be slowing down now that the musical is done. Sadly, Seussical's closing night was last night, so no more being an awesome who. :( But on the plus side, we had a kickass party afterwards that kept me out until 2 in the morning! :)**

**Alright, who's excited for the premiere? I'm so effing excited, I can't stand it! My best friend Chelsea and I are meeting up with our other Twilighter Ashton and we're all going to watch Twilight at my house and then go to the movie theater at like 9 p.m. for the midnight premiere. I'm going to cut a bitch if anyone gets the front row. That's my row. I'm only 5'0", but I will kick major ass if Twilight is involved! :)**

**And on that note, I don't own Twilight, as you probably know.**

**I do own a twitter…KaitlinJandron. Follow me if you like random tweets that occasionally give out some secrets and teasers.**

**Ohh and before I forget, I just wanted to let all of you know that I am a complete dork and I created a fanfic about the wonderful kids at Forks High putting on their own production of Seussical the Musical. Go check it out, I have one chapter up right now with more to come.**

Waking up the next day, I look over at the clock and see its 11:11. Well if that shit isn't freaky, I don't know what is.

I crawl to the edge of the bed and hop off, resulting in me landing flat on my ass after my feet decide to fail me. I thought 11:11 was supposed to mean something lucky…or the wish thing. Either way, I pick myself off of the floor, slip on my dark blue silky robe and head downstairs.

I find Lauren in the kitchen, making something that smells delicious.

She smiles her greeting and stirs something on a skillet and turns to me.

"Hi." I sigh. It's way too early. Why did I decide to meet Carlisle at one?

"You look like you could use some coffee."

"Oh, Lauren. My own personal Jesus." She cracks a smile and hands me a giant mug of hot coffee with a shit-ton of cream and sugar in it. Looks like this is all I'm going to eat today. The calories in this must be through the roof.

I take the coffee gratefully and nod to Lauren before heading back upstairs. Once in my room, I set my mug down and grab my ipod, selecting my Glee playlist. I smile as I hear Cory Monteith's falsetto beginning note and start to sing along. I grab my phone and see a new text.

_We're shopping today. –A_

Not a question, a fact. Well, then.

_I have some shit to do for a few hours. I'll text when I'm done. –B_

I set my phone and grab my coffee, downing the still scorching hot liquid and setting the mug down. I head into the bathroom, smiling at the sight of freshly clean towels thanks to Lauren.

My shower only lasts 45 minutes, since I'm in sort of a hurry. I try never to be late for Carlisle. Once the water shuts off, I dry off and put a little product in my hair to keep it from frizzing before heading into my closet to pick my ensemble.

I scan my closet, finally landing on a high pair of hot pink heels with ruffles down the front and a poufy matching pink mini skirt with a high black banded waist. I put on a tight black tank top and grab a small pink and black clutch and call it complete, but not before grabbing a black fitted leather jacket. This is Forks we're talking about, it's cold.

I dance my way into the bathroom while Amber Riley sings about busting windows out of my car and style my hair into my natural loose curls laying down my back and put on my usual makeup.

I take my phone and ipod, stashing them into my clutch and head over to Carlisle's office. Once there, I walk into the waiting area and see Kara, Carlisle's receptionist at her desk, doing whatever it is that receptionists do. I smile, taking in her graying hair and glowing appearance. She always seemed to glow, just being happy I suppose. Once she sees me, she smiles brightly and claps her hands.

"Bella! It's been so long since I've seen you! I guess that's a good thing, but I still miss seeing your pretty face!" She says in her motherly tone, one that I've seen countless times over the years. Just like all of the people in this office, Kara and I have become close. With my being here almost every day, which turned into once a week, and lately has become once a month, it's only natural that I bonded with everyone.

"I'm sorry Kara. I miss you too! We will have to do something, just us girls one of these days." I wink and scribble my hand on the sheet she pushes towards me.

"Sure I'm not too old to hang out with the cool kids?" She jokes and types into her computer.

"Oh please. You were cool before it was cool to be cool." I smile and take my seat, just wanting to get out of the office, even though it usually calms me.

After a few minutes, Carlisle walks out of his office, something he has always done with me, but never with anyone else. It made me feel special when I was younger, which is why I think he started doing it. And to be honest, it still makes me feel nice when he goes out of his way like this.

He smiles and opens his arms for me, another tradition I'm used to. I walk into his arms and say my hello into his still chiseled chest. He pats my back and puts me at arm's length before speaking.

"Hello B-Boo," he winks at the old nickname and looks at my appearance. "You're still too skinny, you know."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

He laughs and holds open the door for me, always the gentleman. We make our way to his office and I sit in the comfy black leather chair across from his. A small awkward silence develops, something probably induced from my secrets, but he doesn't have to know what they are to make it not awkward.

"So, why haven't you been in to see me?" he breaks the silence first. "It felt like you forgot about me." He adds in a softer voice, earning a cringe from me. I hate hearing him like that. I could never forget about Carlisle. He saved me and talked to me when others didn't bother. I owe him my sanity…and my life.

"I could never forget you." I speak my thoughts out-loud.

"Well, don't go that long without talking to me again." He scolds, but with a twinkle in his eyes.

He asks about Jasper and Emmett, having built a good relationship with them over the years. I tell him about Emmett's usual crazy antics, earning a few laughs and eye rolls. I tell him about Jasper and how he met Alice. Well, not the real story. I edit it to make her look better, of course.

"Your Jasper with my Alice?" he asks, furrowing his blonde brow.

_His_ Alice? What the hell?

"Your Alice?"

"What? Oh, you didn't know?" Obviously not Carlisle. I shake my head, wanting him to explain already.

"My brother's children are living with me now. Has it really been that long since we've talked? They've been here for a few weeks." He mumbles a bit to himself before continuing. "He just ran off without telling anyone where he was going. The kids, who are also my godchildren by the way, called me a few days after no word from him. I called him and he actually answered and said he was simply just done with his life in Chicago and went up to New York. He's always been kind of flaky, but I didn't expect him to just abandon his kids. They aren't even legal adults yet!" He rolls his eyes. "Anyways, I sent for their things and they've been with me for like I said, a few weeks."

After he finishes, I start laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it. How the hell could I not know this?

My laughing stops short as I realize that Edward Cullen is Carlisle Cullen's godson. That's why he and Alice moved up here so suddenly. How the hell could I not have known this? Their pictures are all over Carlisle's house. There are just as many pictures of me as there are of them. He even told me stories about them, but they never came to visit in all the years I've known Carlisle.

"Bella? You okay?" He asks, getting out of his chair to come kneel next to me.

"Edward Cullen. That's why he sounded familiar. Oh my god. _Your_ Edward is _my_ Edward."

"Wait…_your_ Edward?" He asks, rightly confused.

"We've…talked. I actually have to go Carlisle. I have plans. I will call you tomorrow though. Oh, and make sure you tell Esme that I miss her too." I say in a rush, just wanting to get out of the hospital and process this.

I get out of the room before Carlisle has a chance to say anything else, or examine me like he was supposed to do for the appointment. I finally get to my car and I lock myself in and flip on the radio.

How am I so fucking stupid that I didn't connect the name?

---

I sat in my car for two hours. Two hours of trying to find a valid answer to the question I ran through my head the entire time.

How am I so fucking stupid that I didn't connect the name?

I only came up with one answer. The drugs.

I mean, I know they are bad. I know that there are shitty side-effects if you take too many of the pills. I know that. But I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything. Fuck.

I have to stop. Now. I open my glove box, finding the pill bottle filled with the fuckers that fucked with me. I open my car door and dump the pills on the floor. I stand up and crush every single pill with my heel. Every single pill that made me forget things like last names and other small things that I haven't even noticed.

So many things have probably been missed in the past few days. What if I got into a car right after getting high? I could have killed someone. I could have killed myself. Not that the last idea isn't such a bad one, but still. I roll my eyes at my drastic mood swings that always seem to leave a booming headache in their wake.

I could really use a pill right now.

Fuck, I'm so screwed.

Vowing to not let my body take another, I grab my phone and text Alice.

_I'm done. What's the plan? –B_

Immediately, I get a reply.

_Shops are too shitty around here. Come to my house and we can do it online. -A_

I send her my agreement and start my car. Before going anywhere, I just sit and breathe. In and out, calming breaths. This changes so many things. Alice had to have known who I was when she talked to me. She had to of seen the pictures of me in her house. Edward had to of known too. Carlisle can't say anything about my medical history with the confidentiality laws and such, but what has he told them? Surely he had to explain the pictures somehow.

I narrow my eyes, suddenly angry at my tiny friend. We're getting to the bottom of this. Today.

I arrive at Carlisle and Esme's beautiful home a few minutes later to find Esme's car gone. Must be out shopping or something. I do however, find a yellow Porsche and a silver Volvo in the driveway. Alice and Edward's.

I actually growl at Edward's name. If I see him in the next ten minutes, I will kill him. Or kiss him. But definitely kill him.

I grab my clutch and get out of the car. I walk up the long path to the house and see Alice already standing on the porch, waiting for me.

"You already know." She points out, probably gathered by my narrowed eyes and set jaw.

I nod once and walk past her into the house that I spent a lot of my time in when I was new to being in the "real world". I walk down the hall to the living room and see my pictures on the wall, along with a bunch of Alice and Edward. How the hell did I not recognize them? I roll my eyes and sit in my favorite red overstuffed chair.

I look up and meet the eyes of an apologetic pixie with her tail between her legs. Good.

"I'm sorry Bella. Carlisle said not to make you talk about anything and to just let things be. But how could I not try to figure out who you are when you are all over my uncle's house? Would you honestly just let it be?" she asks.

I don't reply and she scrambles for something else to say.

"Just so you know, I still don't know anything about why you and Carlisle are so close. He never talks about it. He talks about all of the good things that you've done, but he never talks about how he knows you. It's killing me not knowing."

"It's not your business to know." I snap.

"But it should be! I already told you that we are going to be great friends, I can feel it! Are you sleeping with him?" she asks, out of the blue.

I laugh. Me and Carlisle? Um, no. "Hell no!"

"Are you his illegitimate child that we don't know about or something?"

"Nope."

"Then what is it?!" She asks, flinging herself on the couch next to me, looking exhausted.

"Like I said Alice, it's not your business."

"Does Jasper know?" She asks a pout on her tiny face.

"Of course he knows."

"And Emmett?"

"Yes. Where are you going with this?" I ask, my already thin patience running even thinner.

"I want to be important enough to you like Jasper and Emmett." With her tone all dejected like that, I almost want to forgive her for completely lying to me.

"I'm not going to deal with this right now, Alice. You lied to me about everything and if you want to be important to me, that's not the way to start out. Why the hell do you want to be important to me, anyway?" I ask, completely flabbergasted. No girl in this town wants to be my friend if they are new. The rumors spread too quickly and they wouldn't have any other friends. Alice must be even more stupid than I thought or desperate.

"That's not true, by the way. I never lied about anything about me. I was completely honest when you asked who I was and when we talked. And…Carlisle always talks about you and says how great you are, and after talking to Jasper, he seems to like…worship you." She pauses, "I never really had any friends in Chicago. It was just me and Edward. My father was kind of a flake and wasn't really around much and I was too worried about him to go out with people there. It's always just been me and Edward trying to stick together. But moving here, I want something different. I want to have friends."

I see the ways that she and I could relate with her admission and I want to just let it all go, but I don't think I can let it go. I didn't necessarily trust her, but I was close to it and she just stomped all over the almost-trust like so many people have before.

"I'm going to go. I'll talk to you later or something." I get up and make my way to the door, but before I can turn the handle and open it, it swings open and knocks me flat on my ass while it forces my vocal cords to let out a squeak. Awesome.

"Oh shit! Alice, are you okay?" Edward's frantic voice comes from the other side of the door. The door is quickly shut and there he is, looking confused as hell.

"Bella?" He furrows his brows before reaching his hand out to help me up. Fuck that. Chivalry is dead.

I get up on my own and push him out of my way before slamming my way out of the house. The door opens right back up and a shock ignites in my arm. I look down to see Edward's hand wrapped around my arm, pulling me back.

I glare into his green worried slash confused eyes and rip my hand back.

"Stop touching me!" I yell at him before composing myself and walking to my car. Once inside, I lock the doors and breathe. I close my eyes and go to my "happy place". Sadly today, I can't seem to find my happy place. It used to be Jasper, Emmett, Rose, and I on the beach in the Caribbean, but I just can't find it today. Ugh, I hate my life.

---

I remember driving home in a mixed mood of annoyance and fury. I remember going upstairs and slamming my door closed before locking it, not wanting any surprise visits tonight. I remember going in my bathroom and opening the safe under the sink and pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniels. I remember bringing said bottle to my bed and downing it.

That's all I remember. Considering now its 5:30 a.m. and there is an empty bottle of Jack that used to be only 1/3 empty, I'm pretty sure I know where the rest of the alcohol went. I sit up, ready for the headache. Predictably enough, it comes and I wince before steadying myself with my arms. After the first wave of marching band practice in my head comes and goes, I swing my feet off the bed and grab the bottle of Tylenol on my vanity.

I take those and slug my way over to the bathroom. There I take a shower and make myself look less like a zombie before heading out into my closet. I never drink on Sunday's. The exact reason is my appearance right now. Sunday drinking means Monday hangover. Monday means school. Hangover and School are not good together. Wait…why am I doing math this early in the morning with said hangover? Fuck.

I grab white skinny jeans and my favorite pair of sneakers – electric green high tops – and a loose fitting white v-neck with a matching electric green colored tank top for under it. Even with a massive hangover that makes me want to kill myself, I am still an OCD matcher. I throw those on quickly after I put on a cute white lacy bra set.

I go through the motions of getting ready and leave my hair in loose curls like yesterday and search for my make-up. I make my dark circles disappear and put on light make-up, as I'm sure to rub my eyes throughout the day. I throw the make-up in my backpack, expecting having to do a re-touch every few hours and go downstairs.

Well, shit. I guess I was slower this morning than normal, which is understandable in my condition. After getting down all of the stairs without tripping, I silently thank my choice of sneakers for the day. Hangover Bella and High Heeled Bella are enemies. I heard through the grapevine once that Hangover Bella made High Heeled Bella trip down every single stair in the grand staircase, which resulted in HH Bella getting fuck-nasty bruises all over. That _bitch_.

I quickly run into the kitchen to see a note on the kitchen counter written for me.

_I covered for you last night. I expect a thank you._

Thank you, Lauren. I grab an apple and drive to school in a daze. Once there, I take some more Tylenol that is stashed in my glove-box for these rare occasions. I down those without the help of water, which leaves a nasty taste in my mouth, but it will get the job done so whatever.

I get out of my car and I look to my left instinctively. I find Edward and Alice Cullen looking over at me from where their cars are parked. Alice moves her tiny feet towards me but I shake my head at her before glaring at Edward and make my way towards the school. I'm not dealing with them today. No way.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bonjour! 3 months of French and that's pretty much all I can say so far…boo. **

**I know that I said I would update more regularly, but RL had another opinion. The plus side though, is today was the first snow day of the year, which gave me time to write! Yay, right? **

**Glee is on tonight, and I told myself that if I didn't get at least 3,000 words, then I wouldn't be able to watch it. I'm at 3,345 or something like that, so hah, I win!**

**Come visit the forum on Twilighted. It's pretty empty over there. I'm always willing to give teasers and pictures and such. If you want extras, that's the place to be!**

**?f=44&t=6531**

**So I've noticed that alot of you have put my story on your favorite list, which is fuckawesome. **

**But just so you know...if you don't subscibe to the story you won't get the email update. **

**Also, there are a ton of reads, but not many reviews. Reviews are what keep me going and keep this crazy Bella conscious!**

The rest of the week dragged on. I successfully avoided the Cullen's, with the exception of Carlisle, of course. He came over for dinner on Wednesday and watched movies with Phil, Renee, and myself. The next day, though, Alice tried to go in for the kill when I went to my locker.

"Why did my uncle go to your house last night?"

"Why are you talking to me?" I shot back before slamming my empty locker and walking towards Jasper's locker.

After telling him the entire story that Alice told me, he was pissed off. Like, scary pissed off. He only gets angry if someone betrays him. Obviously Alice didn't tell him of her second agenda with me, and he rightfully got upset. I didn't blame him.

"I knew something was up when she wouldn't stop trying to pry shit out of me about you. I just thought that she was curious at first."

"What did she ask?" I asked, on alert.

"Everything. She wanted to know how long I've known you, how long you've been up here, if you were close with anyone other than Emmett and me…" He trails off, clearly frazzled.

I crawl closer to him on the overstuffed white sofa in his living room and take his hand to try and calm him down.

"I'm sorry, Jazz."

He turns to me with anger evident in his eyes. Oh shit. What did I do this time?

"What the fuck are you sorry for, Swan? You didn't do anything!" He rolls his eyes and puts his arm around me while taking deep breaths. I close my eyes and copy him while laying my head on his shoulder.

"This is fucked up." I say simply. He snorts his agreement and I smile at the foreign gesture coming from usually poised Jasper.

After that day, he ignored Alice. He stopped taking her calls and responding to her texts, he stopped smiling at her and acknowledging her in the halls. I could tell that Alice took it hard, with us being the only people that she was close to; she had no one else to hang out with besides Edward.

Ugh, Edward. He tried cornering me in the halls on Thursday when I was skipping Government. Luckily, I was close to the girl's bathroom so he couldn't get too much out of me. I stayed in the bathroom the entire hour and when I came out, mercifully he was gone.

Now it's Friday, right after school and I'm bored out of my mind. I haven't taken any pills this week, trying to please Carlisle and my boys, so I'm free to drink all I want and not worry about seizing or some shit like that.

I grab my laptop and search around for a little bit, waiting for the text that is sure to come from Emmett. Sure enough, after ten minutes of reading posts on MLIA, I feel the phone vibrate on the pillow next to me.

_453 Lincoln Ave – E_

With this, I shut the laptop closed and head into my closet. I go to the dresses section and pick out an outfit to wear to the party. I see my new dark blue mini with black straps going strategiacally across the middle. My favorite part of the dress though is the fact that it zips up down the front. It may sound weird, but it looks fucking awesome. I pick out a dangerously high pair of blue and black strappy heels and set all of my items on one of the chairs before going to my vanity to straighten my hair so it falls down my back. I add my usual smoky eye and red lipstick and wha-lah. I'm ready.

I throw the clothes on and head to the party. I need to find a distraction tonight. Alcohol and random boys, here I come.

I arrive at the party and park my car behind Emmett's. I see him standing next to Rose with two cups in his hand. One of them better be for me.

I walk up to them and hug Rose, earning a whistle from Emmett.

He hands me my drink before whistling. "DAMN! If you two want to get together one night and have some…fun times, you should totally let me tape it." I laugh and nod my thanks to him before walking away in search of the music. I hear a loud smack behind me and smile, knowing that his head is going to be sore in the morning.

The house is a decent one, smaller than mine, but not a shack. I follow the strands of music and I arrive in a large room with dim lights and a lot of bodies dancing. Jackpot. I down my drink, which tastes actually good considering Emmett made it and put the empty cup on the nearest table.

I go to the throng of bodies and find Jasper dancing with some skank. The look on his face is clearly uncomfortable, but this random bottle-blond doesn't seem to notice. I make my way over there and squish between them, which isn't easy seeing as the girl has no idea what personal space is.

She stumbles backwards and Jasper looks relived as he grabs my hips and starts to grind with me. The tramp huffs behind me before walking off, presumably to find someone else to swap STD's with. I laugh and reach up to kiss Jasper's cheek and whisper in his ear.

"Hello handsome." I look down and see that he's wearing my favorite black button down and well-worn jeans.

He rubs his scruff against my neck, which he knows always gets me, and whispers back.

"Hey darlin'" I of course swoon and roll my eyes at his suave-routine.

We dance for a few songs, getting touchier and touchier with each one, before I break us apart to get something to drink. He follows and puts his hand on my waist, which I shake off. I love Jasper, but if I want to get laid tonight, I need to look available. Not too available. I definitely don't want to turn into bottle-blond, who is probably passed out somewhere.

I head to the kitchen, where I unfortunately run into Alice and her bronze haired minion. I roll my eyes and continue to the liquor. I make myself a Rum and Coke, not really into the frilly drinks that I'm sure pixie over there is drinking.

I throw one last look over my shoulder at the pair and smirk at them. Why did they even come tonight if they are going to just hang out in the kitchen all night? Weird fuckers. I sip my drink and lean on the wall, looking for possibilities. A deep smooth voice whispers in my ear, scaring the shit out of me.

"Looking for me?" I smile. I know that voice anywhere. I turn and hug my massive friend, actually happy to see him.

"Actually, no. But I'm happy to see you."

"Ouch, Bella. That hurts." He mock staggers back and clutches his muscled chest.

I roll my eyes at him and gulp the rest of my drink. I frown when I don't have enough to fill my mouth. I need more, pronto.

"Want a refill?" he asks me, reading my mind.

"What do you think?" I shoot back sarcastically.

"For starters, I think that you look absolutely ravishing tonight," he leans close to me and drops his already low voice, lower. "And yeah, I think you want one."

With that, he grabs my empty cup and disappears into the kitchen with a smirk. His spot is replaced with none other than Edward Cullen. I look at him warily, wondering what the hell he thinks he is doing.

"How many boyfriends do you have?" his voice too loud and forceful for my liking.

"How many boyfriends do you have!?" I immaturely shoot back. Yeah, when I'm tipsy I'm not the best at comebacks. But thus is life.

"Nice, Bella." I scowl at him and turn my attention in the other direction, hoping he will get the picture and leave me alone.

"Seriously, Bella. Who was that guy" he asks, clearly too dumb to understand simple body language.

"Sam Ulley. Who the fuck are you?" Sam appears and puts his arm around me while pushing Edward back. Accidentally, of course.

"Edward Cullen." Edward glares at Sam. Ugh, all this macho shit is starting to get tiring. Why can't I just have an uncomplicated night for once?

Sam looks surprised. "Cullen?" He looks down at me, clearly confused with the last name.

"Uncle," I say simply, answering his silent question about his relation to Carlisle. How the hell did Sam catch the whole name thing before I did? This is starting to get ridiculous. Well, Jasper didn't catch it either and he's like the smartest guy on Earth, so I don't feel too terribly bad.

"Alright, enough talking for tonight, yes?" I grab the cup out of Sam's hand and pull him to the dance floor. I don't look back at Edward, hoping he will just figure out that I want nothing to do with him. Sam lets me pull him to the throng of drunken people and we start to dance. He's not the best dancer, but he's decent.

We dance for a while before I start to get a headache. With Sam's hot hands on my waist and the body heat from all of the other teens, I start to get too overheated. I try taking his hands off of my waist so I can take a breather, but he just moves them lower to grab my ass. Normally, that would be acceptable, but right now, I really just need to get out of here. I try grabbing his hands, but he's either extremely stupid tonight more than usual or he is really freaking drunk.

Figuring he's a mix of both, I try verbally telling him to back off.

"Sam, let me go." I try to pry his hands off of me but it doesn't work. Frustrated, I try to wiggle out of his arms and yell his name to get him to wake the fuck up. He shushes me and pulls me closer. All of a sudden, I feel strong hands grab my shoulders and pull me back. But instead of falling into the arms of this stranger, I fall into something extremely worse.

FLASHBACK

_"Bitch!" I hear him yell in my ear while pulling me back hard by my shoulders. Gravity sends my body down to the floor, while slamming the back of my head to the fake hardwood designs._

_I groan and try to sit up, but he gets on top of me and holds me down with his drunken weight. "You think you're just going to prance around all day and disrespect me like this?" He screams at me, making absolutely no sense. I've been locked in this room for two years and I'm hardly prancing when I always have some limb bruised or sprained._

_I stay silent, knowing that if I talk back or even make the slightest sound, he's just going to keep going and never stop. His dark eyes narrow and he sits up straighter on top of me, effectively putting most of his weight on my small diaphragm. I gasp and fight to bring in a breath. Not being able to do so in the least, I try to think of anything but him. _

_I close my eyes, wanting him to disappear and shortly after I feel the hard sting of his hand while it slaps my left cheek. He climbs off of me and the breath rushes into my lungs, making me slightly lightheaded._

_'Just breathe, Bella.' I tell myself, trying to calm down, while he screams something different at me._

_"So fucking worthless! I don't understand why your mom didn't just kill you when she found out she was going to have you. She told me the other day that she wanted to, but your stupid father begged her not to. I guess even your dad didn't want you after he met you." He yells before getting to his feet and swaying slightly. This is normal, as he is almost always drunk and he isn't known to have the best balance. _

_He spits on the floor, narrowly missing my head and leaves the room. I hear the lock click and I finally let the tears fall. Holy crap, that hurt. The beating sucked as it always did, but talking about my dad sucked even more._

END OF FLASHBACK

"Bella?" Jasper's frantic voice is the first one I hear. I groan and try to open my eyes, but they feel like they are glued shut.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Jazz's voice turns angry, talking to who-the-fuck-cares. I get the feeling of being lifted into the air and open my eyes, to see Emmett looking down at me.

"Hey baby girl," he whispers. I look to the side to see that pretty much everyone at the party is staring at me. Motherfuck, now I have to deal with even more gossip about me at school. Wait, why the fuck do I care about this shit all of a sudden?

I close my eyes, pretty much wanting to die. The flashbacks are coming back more often and more draining. I feel like I can't even move a finger, I'm so exhausted.

I hear Rose's voice talking to Emmett, but I tune out whatever they are saying. I feel a heavy blanket type thing cover me and I open my eyes a peak to see that someone put Emmett's jacket on me. Not really understanding why someone would put a blanket on me when I'm indoors and not cold, I open my mouth to speak, but then I feel the cold air and realize he took me outside.

I somehow feel Jasper next to us even though we never touch and feel comforted at the thought that both of my boys are taking care of me like they usually do. But then I feel like shit because once again, I ruined their fun by making them take care of me.

"You're not making us take of you, Bells. We want to." Emmett says softly, but forcefully enough to get his point across. I must have said the last bit outloud.

Someone, I'm assuming it's Jazz, opens a car door and Emmett gently lays me in a backseat. I can smell the weed aroma and assume it's my car. After they both get into the car, we're off.

I must have fallen asleep in the car, because the next thing I know is we're at my house. Emmett makes like he's going to carry me into the house, but I stop him. It's not too late, which means Renee is probably still up and if she happens to see Emmett carrying me, she will get worried. She deserves to think that her daughter is perfectly fine, not some drunken dumbass who gets flashbacks all the goddamn time.

I get on my heel covered feet and slowly make my way up the stairs to the house. Emmett runs ahead of me to open the door and I can once again feel Jasper behind me, probably waiting for me to fall. None of us says anything, not wanting to make it awkward, and the only sound I hear is the sound of my heels clicking unevenly on the stones beneath them.

I make it in the house and up into my room without anyone in the house noticing, and I collapse on my bed.

"Not so fast, Bells." I hear Emmett say before he disappears into my closet. He comes out a minute later with a giant ass T-shirt in hand, probably one of Jasper's that was left here. Emmett, uncomfortable with undressing me for some reason, mumbles something about food and disappears again, but this time to the kitchen.

I look over at Jazz, who is standing by the door with a sad look on his face. I sigh, too tired to deal with his questions and try to unzip my dress with no such luck. Apparently, my motor skills suck after a flashback and some alcohol. Who would have guessed? Jasper chuckles softly and comes over to do it for me.

After unzipping my dress, he puts the T-shirt over my head and pulls back the covers on my freshly made bed courtesy of Lauren, no doubt.

"You want to talk about it?" he asks after I settle in.

"Tomorrow." Is all I say. I feel him lean over and kiss my forehead.

"I love you, Bell." he whispers before shutting the light off and getting into the bed with me.

I sigh in contentment as he pulls me close to him. We both know that if he isn't with me tonight, then there is _no _way that I will be able to sleep peacefully.

We're both quiet for a while before we hear Emmett's voice yelled from downstairs.

"What the fuck are _you_ doing here!?"

**Ooohh, who's at the door?? Review and you might just find out!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A quick update!! I had some extra time today, so I decided to write some more for you all!**

**I know that my chapters are short and I'm sorry about that. But I can't write half of a chapter one day and come back the next day. I have to write it all in one sitting, or I will lose the inspiration. It sucks to deal with, I know.**

**Things I own... A beat up LG Neon and Ashley Greene's new movie "Summer's Moon" (I plan on watching it soon, but I don't think it's going to be good)**

**Things I don't own... Twilight. :(**

My head snaps up at Emmett's tone, no longer exhausted. What's going on?

"Get the fuck out!" he yells again.

Jasper jumps out of the bed before Emmett's last sentence is finished and is already out the door. I scramble after him and skid to a stop at the top of the grand staircase once I see who the victim of Emmett's yelling is.

Emmett had it right. What the fuck is _he_ doing here?

Emmett is right up in his face and staying something too low for me to hear, but I assume it's not something too cheery, as Edward's face darkens.

"I'm just trying to see if she's okay!" Edward yells before he eyes Jasper walking slowly up to the duo. If he isn't intimidated by Emmett, he definitely is with Jasper. Silent but deadly, that man is. He takes a step back to put distance between the visibly fuming oaf and glaring Texan.

I roll my eyes at their macho games and start making y way downstairs. Edward notices me first, but Jazz and Emmett aren't far behind. Edward's gaze lingers on my legs, which is when I notice that in my haste to see who was here, I forgot to put anything on. Jesus Christ, I'm in boy shorts not a thong, it's not that bad.

"Well I'm obviously alive, so you can leave now." I say after a minute or so of awkward silence. Edward takes a step towards me, but Jasper moves in front of him, effectively blocking him from going any further.

"Bella, can we please talk?" Edward asks with his voice all dejected and puke-worthy.

"Hell no!" Em yells before I get a chance. I sigh, just wanting everyone to get the fuck out.

"I didn't ask you so shut the fuck up!" Edward yells at Emmett.

Oh. No. He. Didn't.

Emmett's fist connects with Edward's face with practiced lightning speed, forcing Edward back a few steps. He swears and spits blood before cupping his bound to be swollen face. Ouch. I yell random expletives at Emmet and run over to them to help Edward. He may still be on my shit list, but I'm not going to just let Emmett beat the shit out of him. I'd rather do it…after I fix him up.

"Bella, why the fuck are you helping him?! He put his hands on you and you had a flashback for Christ sake!" Emmett turns his anger towards me, which pisses me the fuck off. How dare he talk to me like that? I'm just doing the right thing. I turn to glare at him before turning my attention to Jasper, silently asking him to take Emmett out of the house to calm down.

Thankfully Jasper understands and nods at me before pushing Emmett out. Emmett thankfully doesn't say anything, just glares at me and a hunched over Edward. With the allies out of the house, it gets silent in the room with the exception of Edward's heavy breathing.

"Come on," I say after a short while, taking his hand to lead him up to my room. No guy besides Emmett and Jasper are allowed in my room. Not even Phil can come in my sanctuary. Why I'm letting him in this room, I don't know. Confuses the hell out of me, but for some reason, it feels…right to have him in the room. I push that thought out of my head and concentrate on the task at hand.

I lead him to the bed and make sure he's steady before going to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth for his face. I make my way back to him and see that the blood has somewhat stopped gushing from his nose. The smell of blood has always bothered me, so I breathe through my mouth. I take a second to fully look at the damage Emmett's meaty hand did to his face and gasp.

His eye is already slightly swollen and his nose is bleeding, while his lip is split and has what looks like bite marks on it. He must have bit his lip when Emmett punched him.

I touch the washcloth to his cheek and mumble a sorry when he winces and hisses, only to hiss again when the wince moved the sore muscles in his face. I clean him up in a matter of minutes and get the blood to completely stop. This is all done in completely silence, which is slightly uncomfortable.

"You're pretty quiet." I throw out.

"What is there to say? You obviously don't want to talk to me. I don't even know why you're helping me now."

"Emmett said I didn't want to talk to you, not me. And I'm helping you because you needed help. There is no way you would have been able to drive to Carlisle's house without getting in a wreck." I point out, earning silence from him.

I sigh, frustrated that he isn't going to even attempt to talk to me now that I am giving him a chance. "I'm sorry that he hit you. He's a little protective." I say the last olive branch I'm willing to throw.

"A little?" he asks, clearly sarcastic. I smile and roll my eyes at him. It's just an Emmett thing. I've learned to just live with it.

"Why is he so protective?" Finally he tries to be an equal participant in the conversation.

"He was the first friend that I made when I moved here a few years ago."

"I thought you always lived here?"

"No, I spent the first fourteen years of my live in Portland." I say, my tone getting a fraction darker with the unwanted memories of my past.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to just say 'lived' instead of all of that?" he asks, trying to make a joke. Not funny.

"I wouldn't exactly call what I went through 'living'. I wince, not wanting to bring up the old memories in fear of a flashback.

After a few silent moments, he speaks again. "You are quite the mystery, Bella Swan."

"Maybe I like it that way." I snap.

"I'm sorry about Alice. She tends to be obnoxious when she wants something."

I roll my eyes at him. "Your sister lied to me and tried to string me along while prying information out of Jasper. But yeah, obnoxious works."

"She was---and is--- curious about you. You couldn't honestly say that you wouldn't try to figure out who the girl that Carlisle can't stop praising all the time is, could you?" he counters.

I thought about it for a second before relenting. "Yeah, I would want to know. But I wouldn't go to the extreme and lie to her about everything. I would come straight out and ask." I raise my eyebrow at him, daring him to call bullshit.

"I told her that so many times, but she wouldn't listen. She is really sorry, too. She beats herself up about how she treated you every day and it really hurts to watch." He speaks so fondly of his sister; it's actually kind of sweet.

"Imagine how it would feel to be on the other side of that shit."

He sighs and runs a hand through his sex hair, something I've always wanted to do, even while wanting to kill him.

"How many times can I apologize?" he asks, exasperated.

"I don't know. You tell me." I smirk at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he keeps going and going, which eventually starts my giggling which turns into full on laughter. I didn't exactly expect him to do that, but he's just so freaking cute.

After our laughter subsides, I realize that I still haven't put any pants on. I mumble a quick "be right back" and run into my closet to grab a comfy pair of Jacksonville sweatpants that Phil brought back for me on one of his trips. I go back and settle myself in my chair facing the bed, where Edward still resides.

"Why did you move to Forks?" he asks me. I pull my feet under myself, creating a ball like position.

"I was put into the system when I was fourteen." I say simply, not really wanting to get into details.

"What happened to your parents?" he asks, leaning forward.

I snort, "My mom was a useless drunk after my biological dad left us. Her new husband wasn't…well." My voice gets significantly smaller towards the end of my dialogue, sounding similar to little girls. But I never got the chance to be a little girl, so it doesn't make sense.

"Well?" Edward prompts.

"He was an alcoholic too," I take a deep breath, preparing myself to actually talk about my past, but Edward interrupts me.

"He beat you?" He asks, his tone sharper than before. How the hell did he figure that out?

"How did you know that?" I ask, my tone equally sharp and on the defense.

"I didn't. But you just confirmed it."

I glare at him, pissed at his antics. Why can't these Cullen kids stop playing games?

"I'm sorry. I just want to figure you out. You are very hard for me to read." He sighs.

After a moment, I continue talking. I forgot how good talking to someone other than Jazz and Carlisle felt. "Yeah, he beat me. Almost daily for 5 years." I try not to notice the pitying look on his face. I don't need anyone's fucking pity.

"Don't make that face. I'm older now and I'm fine so stop pitying me." I snap, which earns a sorry from Edward. I stop talking, not sure what to talk about next.

"So your current parents adopted you when you came up here?" he prompts me again, no doubt curious about my strange past.

"I stayed in the home for about a week until Carlisle came. They wanted a doctor to deal with me, since I was obviously fucked up. He had one session with me, took temporary custody of me, and took me back to Forks." Edwards face lit up with shock. How did they not know that their uncle took in a child?

"After 42 days staying with him, he introduced Renee and Phil to me and I went home with them a week later permanently." I say, giving him the cliff notes version.

"So you always stayed in touch with Carlisle, then?"

"Of course. If it weren't for him, I probably would have ended up in an equally shitty home and I wouldn't be here." By that I mean in Forks, and alive. He nods his head in understanding.

"And Renee and Phil, are they good to you?" he asks worriedly, like the question might bite me.

"Do you think Carlisle would just ship me off to people he didn't trust completely?" I look doubtfully at Edward, who shakes his head.

"He's always looked after me. I used to be in his office every day when he would go to work, since I was afraid of being home alone. He easily became like a father to me." I smile at the memories of us playing Monopoly on the plush floor of his office and sipping hot chocolate while watching the snow fall outside. The early mornings where I would sleep on the couch in the corner of his office while he would take his patients in the next room as to not disturb me. The late nights where I would bounce around the room, sugar high from all of the sweets he gave me, and pissing him off but making him smile at the same time with my crazy antics.

"How bad did your step-dad hurt you?" Edward asks suddenly, halting my trip down memory lane. I debate telling him the truth or a practiced lie. I decide after a moment.

"I have countless scars, mentally and physically." I say, and then stop before saying too much.

"Are they bad?"

Wait, he saw me without pants on earlier, how did he not see most of them?

"I saw you checking out my legs earlier. You didn't see them?" I ask him, raising an eyebrow.

He ducks his head and blushes slightly, which would be totally ridiculous on any guy, but on him it looks adorable. "I guess not."

I hook my thumb in my sweat pants and pull them down an inch or two, revealing the ugly jagged scar on my hipbone. Realizing there isn't enough light, I lean over to switch on a lamp and point it towards my body for the most light possible.

I hear him gasp, which is my cue to cover up the scar again. I remember the day I got that scar.

I was sitting on my bed looking out the window as there really wasn't much else to do while being trapped in the small room, when my mother came into my room with her usual drunk look and a beer bottle in her hand.

"Stand up," were her simple words.

I stood up and closed my eyes, not wanting to know what was going to happen, just wanting to disappear or even better, die. In a matter of seconds, which I wouldn't have thought possible since she is typically slow due to the alcohol, she smashed the half empty beer bottle on the desk and swung at me with the jagged teeth on my bodies receiving end.

Her aim was to be expected and she missed my chest, but she got my hip instead. I cried out and covered the wound with my hands, careful not to push any of the shards into my skin that was already embedded there.

Shortly after, she left me alone to clean the wound. I cleaned it up the best I could and laid on my opposite side the rest of the night with my hands clamped down on the wound, secretly wanting that bottle to be infected. It would be a slow and painful death, but it would have been better than that hell hole.

I was eleven when that happened.

Edwards's voice brought me back once again from memory lane, this memory being one that I'm glad to have been brought out of. I shake my head slightly, physically forcing the disgusting memory from the forefront of my mind.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." He says, unknowingly acting out one of my biggest pet peeves.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't do it; you didn't know it was happening. It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't yours either." He says with conviction. It almost makes me smile, the ferocity behind those five words.

"I know that. Carlisle helped me figure that out." I say, but some small part in me doesn't believe my statement at all. If I was a better child, maybe they would have just let me be, instead of torturing me.

I turn off the light and look at the clock – 2:14 a.m.

"Well, I need to be getting some sleep. Flashbacks always leave me exhausted." I tell him, while getting to my feet.

"Can we talk about that first?" he asks, getting up too.

"Edward, please. Not tonight." I plead with him. Thinking about bed now has really made me realize how tired I am. I need sleep soon or I will for sure pass out.

"Later, then." He sounds so hopeful, I can't deny him. Talking to him tonight has truly opened my eyes. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. I don't know why I kind of expected him to laugh at me and tell me that I was being a baby about everything.

"Yes, later."

I lead him downstairs and we both say our goodbyes before I sleepily make my way upstairs to my comfy bed. I lay down and am immediately hit with Edward's scent. Man, that traveled fast and far on my bed. I'm not complaining though. Sandalwood, soap, and vanilla.

Edward Cullen is not who I thought he was. Question is though, will I be able to trust him like I want to?

****

Love? Hate? Suggestions? Comments? Death threats? Hit that green button, baby!


	13. Chapter 13

**See, I told you I would update more often! Today I had Saturday School, which is 4 hours of sitting in a classroom with a bunch of misfits who don't care about school. I was only there because my first hour teacher hates me and said I skipped her class, which I didn't. I actually like Biology. She reminds me alot of Mr. Zenti. *shudder***

**Anyways...I wrote all of this in the duration of 4 hours and I'm pretty proud of it. This is probably my favorite chapter and my longest chapter to date. Hopefully you will understand why it's my favorite once you read it....and review it?! **

**I don't own the lyrics or references used in this chapter. Oh, and I don't own Twilight.**

**I do, however, own a brand new Santa hat that I got while caroling today. (I SAW AN ACTUAL REINDEER, TOO!) :)**

I spent the weekend indoors, just not feeling up to going outside. Jasper came to spend the day with me on Sunday and we stayed in my room for the entire time, with the occasional food break for him. When in my room, he played some game on the Nintendo Wii while I fiddled with my guitar.

With Jasper being the most amazing musician I have ever heard, he helped me out with random note offerings and chord changes which made the music sound a hundred times better. I didn't have any lyrics for the song, but it had a happier tune than most of my music lately, so I wasn't complaining.

He called Emmett to se if he wanted to come over, but he declined, saying he was still to upset over my "betrayal". Betrayal, my ass. I don't know what shit he's smoking these days, but it's obviously clouding his memories and judgment. I didn't let his refusal bother me. I have plenty more to question, like how should I act around Edward now? How will he act around me? Will things go back to "normal" now? Will he tell Alice everything I said?

I told Jazz about the conversation that took place between Edward and I. "What should I do now?" I asked him once I was done recapping everything.

He was silent a moment, "Be careful. You never know if he will go around blabbing now. He has a shit ton of dirt to use against you now, I just hope that he is a decent human being and won't put up flyers or some shit."

I agreed with him, at a loss of what to say to that.

And now it's Monday and I'm on my drive to school, listening to the radio. Some annoying song about partying is playing, and while I love the subject, the girl's voice is annoying as hell. Mercifully though, I get to the parking lot before the song gets half way through and I shut off the car.

I get out carefully, not really wanting to give anyone an unintentional show with my short yellow high waist skirt. I haven't worn this skirt in a few months, so I figured it would be safe to wear it now. I paired it with black ankle boots with a yellow buckle, a four hundred dollar present from Phil from a few weeks ago. Since this is forks after all, I pair it with a black tank top under a black leather jacket. I look and feel pretty badass, so I'm good.

I lean against my car and light up a cigarette. We aren't allowed to smoke on the campus, but teachers never stop students daring enough to do it. I see a Volvo pull into the lot as I take my first pull.

Edward.

He gets out of his car, looking like he just came from an "I'm hot but I don't even try" photo shoot. He sees me and stops, looking uncertain. I smile a small smile that gives him enough courage to come over to me, which I'm not sure is what I wanted, but I take it.

"Hey," he says, inhaling the air around me, a sure sign that he wants a cigarette, too.

"You want one?" I ask in place of my hello.

"I'd love one. Carlisle doesn't let us smoke on the property." He semi-whines, but it's actually cute on him. I give him one and let him borrow my lighter and lean back against the car once again.

We sit in silence for a few moments before I break the silence. "So about the other day…" I trail off, not sure what to say.

"I haven't told anyone. I don't plan on it, either." I sigh in relief, thankful that still only a few people know how truly fucked up I am. "I want you to be able to trust me, Bella." I look up into his eyes and see the sincerity behind them.

Not really knowing how to respond, I just finish my cigarette and wait for him to do the same before walking to the school. Once we reach my shared locker with Jasper, he mumbles a "see you later," and walks off.

I get my shit that I need for first hour and trudge off.

By the time Biology rolls around, I haven't seen hide nor hair of Jasper. He must be skipping or something today. I walk into the Biology room and take my seat before I start to doodle on the desk. The chair next to me squeaks after a few moments before I realize someone sitting down next to me.

I look up, expecting a late Jasper, but I'm met with Edward's green eyes instead. Surprisingly, I'm not disappointed with the change of my day's lab partner. "What, are you stalking me now?" I tease, ceasing my doodling.

"Maybe," he smiles over at me, which causes my heart to skip a beat or two. His teeth are so straight and white. His parents must have spent a fortune on his orthodontics, 'cause that shit isn't just naturally made.

Banner enters the room, which creates a unison sigh. No one really likes him. I don't know why this school insists on crappy teachers, but they do, those fuckers. I immediately tune him out, not wanting to learn about Punnett Squares. I pick up my pencil to start doodling, but a folded paper covers my paper.

I take it and open it up discreetly. Banner has been known to read notes aloud if he catches them, which seems to happen a lot.

(Edward is in _italics_. Bella is in **bold**.)

_Where's Jasper today?_

**No idea. He's probably just skipping. He didn't leave until late last night.**

_Are you guys together?_

**No.**

_But you're always together._

**That's because we are best friends.**

_But you used to be together?_

**Yes.**

_What's wrong?_

**I'm not used to this.**

_What, passing notes like ninjas?_

**Talking to people that aren't my family.**

_Jasper and Emmett are your family?_

**Have been since I met them.**

_And I'm not?_

**I've only forgiven you just two days ago, don't push it.**

_This dance ain't for everybody, only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance…_

**Quoting "Push it"? Lame. **

_You like it, don't deny it._

**That's what your mom said last night.**

_Your mom wasn't speaking last night, just screaming my name._

**You need to work on your 'Your Mom' jokes.**

_So do you._

**Don't make me hurt you. My jokes are the bomb.**

_What are we, in the 90's?_

**I'm pretty sure that was an 80's reference , actually. But those were a blur for me, so I can't be sure.**

_Aren't you like, 16? You weren't born in the 80's._

**But your mom was alive then and she taught me last night.**

_Burn._

**Okay, now we're in the 90's.**

_I wish I could think of a legit joke to respond to that, but I can't._

**Bella = VICTORIOUS**

_Now we're in math class?_

**Apparently.**

_Yeah? Well….____E_=mc²

**That's not math.**

_Your mom's not math. (Okay, that was terrible, I admit it.)_

**Thank you again, Captain Obvious.**

I'm about to hand him the note, but Mr. Banner starts walking down the aisles while he's lecturing, so I quickly put it under my notebook. After he goes back and sits at his podium up front, I hand it to Edward.

_Are you even paying attention to class?_

**Biology doesn't interest me.**

_What does?_

**Music…Film**

_Oh, you're one of those people. _

**THOSE people? What the hell is that supposed to mean?**

_Nothing. I'm one of those people too, don't worry about it._

**Let me guess. You like acting?**

_Yes. Let me guess. You don't?_

**No. I don't like being in front of the camera, only behind it.**

_Is that some sort of new sexual term that I haven't studied yet?_

**Sick.**

_It was right there, I had to._

**What else interests you?**

_You._

**That's not creepy or anything…**

_Watch out. Next thing you know I'll grow a mustache and drive a windowless van._

I scoot my chair over a few inches to play along with him.

**I'm thoroughly repulsed.**

I look up to see homework getting passed down the aisles so I turn to Edward and roll my eyes at our antics. We just spent the entire class passing notes like fourth graders…and I liked it.

I grab two sheets and pass the rest to the back row and give Edward a sheet. He murmurs his thanks and puts it in his binder. "I'm going to fail this next test because of you." He says as he leans back in his chair.

"You started it." I stick my tongue out at him and we both chuckle. I don't even glance at my homework before stashing it in my binder for later. Screw homework when I have the chance to talk to Edward Cullen? And who would have thought that he was actually funny?

The bell rings and everyone gets up to exit. I make my way to follow the line out of the door, but Edward grabs my elbow. "I'm really glad we're talking, Bella."

I smile and gently take my elbow out of his grasp. "Technically, we weren't talking, we were writing…but yeah, me too." Every word is the truth, too.

Health with Alice is an entirely new atmosphere. Zenti wouldn't let her switch seats with anyone, 'cause he's a tool, so she still sits at the same table with Jasper and I. Usually we just ignore her, but unfortunately for me, he's not here so I'm alone with her. Fun.

"You talk to my brother now." She says it as a statement. I look over at her and merely nod.

"He won't say what you talk about, but he was all…happy when he came home the other night and when I just saw him in the hall. I thought you were mat at him too, but no one ever really stays mad at him. He's too charming for that. But I guess I'm easy to stay mad at for you, which is fine 'cause I totally get why you're pissed. I just want to know more about you!"

I don't reply to her rambling, as Zenti walks in and starts talking about the most pointless shit ever. Honestly, who doesn't know that Syphilis is an STD? I can tell that Alice still wants to talk to me throughout the hour, as she keeps bouncing in her seat and looking my way every few seconds. God, she's too hyper for a Monday. Scratch that, she's too hyper in general.

The class ends, but I hardly notice at first. Maybe it's because of a certain note-passing-green-eyed-funny-as-hell-Adonis in my mind. Maybe not…ugh, let's face it. I can't get him out of my head. I thought he was a prick just like his pixie of a sister, but he's so different from her.

Now that I think about it, I don't really see any resemblances between them other than their last name. She has black hair and bright blue eyes while he has brilliant copper hair with green and gold eyes. She's small and gnome-like, while he stands at least six feet tall with chiseled arms. I store this away in my mind for a later time and head out of the class.

The rest of my classes are boring without Jasper, so I'm fucking flying out of the school. Well, as fast as I can go with heels and icy ground. I slide to a stop at my car when I see Emmett leaning against it. "You're going to break my car, you oaf." I raise my eyebrow at him and fiddle with my keys.

"You're going to break my heart, Bells." He says, his eyes at his feet. Holy shit, not really what I was expecting from him. He opens his arms and I rush into them, squeezing him tight.

"Can we please not do this again? It wasn't fun and you know I'm all about fun, baby." He says, lowering his chin to rest on the top of my head.

"Definitely not. I've missed you, Em." My voice is muffled by his Forks sports jacket. After a few moments, we separate and I wipe my eyes, sniffling. I guess it's true that you never really know how much you love something until it's gone. I haven't gone even a day without talking to him since I met him all those years ago. 2 days was practically torture, I just wouldn't let myself believe it.

With a promise to see each other tomorrow, I get in my car and he in his and I drive home.

--

Getting my laptop out, I log onto my neglected Facebook. 127 notifications and 21 friend requests. I quickly scan through most of my notifications, not really caring about random quizzes that were sent to me and the tagged pictures of me. I go through all of the friend requests, accepting a few Portland party friends and denying the random strangers. The last name on the list though, has me pausing.

Edward Cullen.

Well shit, he's everywhere. I hit accept before I realize I've lost my marbles. I'm letting him in my walls so easily. Why the fuck am I being so careless? It is then that I have an epiphany. Screw what I've done in the past. I like Edward Cullen. I'm going to talk to him and pass notes and joke around and let myself open up to him. I want to be friends with Edward Cullen, so there.

Feeling lighter with my epiphany, I close down my laptop and check the clock. The day feels like it's gone on forever, but it's only 5:24 in the afternoon. I head downstairs to grab a banana for dinner and sigh. This week is going to be the slowest week ever.

--

As usual, I was right. The week did last forever, but there were a few things that I enjoyed. Like on Wednesday I got a Facebook message from Edward, which turned from a simple "Do you know the Biology homework from today? I forgot to write it down." To an all night conversation from our favorite music and musicals to movies, to our favorite websites. Which then turned into a battle of the best MLIA entries. He won that, but I don't admit that to anyone. Finally around two in the morning, we ceased and got sleep for the next day.

Jasper was back at school on Tuesday. He told me that he got a weird stomach bug and couldn't respond to texts since he was violently ill, if you catch my drift. Since he was back, Edward and I couldn't pass ninja notes anymore or talk even, since we don't have any other classes together. I was extremely bummed about this, but I tried not to let it show.

Of course Jasper picked up on it and made me tell him what was wrong, so I did. He was surprisingly awesome about it. I expected him to get a little pissed that I was hanging out with someone other than him. I suspect that he is, but he didn't show it too much since he's an amazing friend. He offered to sit somewhere else in Biology, but I immediately shut that idea down.

We've always been lab partners and that's not going to change because I'm being a baby. I still have Facebook to talk to him. It's funny, I used to hate Facebook, but now I can't wait to get home so we can talk through private messages. He told me that he feels the same yesterday.

Now it's Friday again and I don't really want to go to another party. I don't want to stay home all night, cause that's kind of lame, but I don't really have a desire to get piss drunk and have the possibility of a flashback in front of my entire school. So when I get a text, thinking its Emmett, I reluctantly open it to find an unknown number.

_Hey it's Edward._

I frown, unsure of how he got my number, but excited that he actually has it now.

_How did you get my number? – B_

_You have it listed on Facebook – E_

_Well shit. I should really change that._

_So now that you've successfully creeped, what's up? –B_

_Are you going to the party tonight? – E_

_Probably not. –B_

_Want to do something with me? – E_

_Are you asking me out? – B_

_Yes, Bella. – E_

I think about it for a second. I haven't been on a date with someone in at least a year, ever since becoming friends with benefits with Jasper. Do I really want to?

_Yes, I will go on a date with you. – B_

Holy shit, I'm going on a date with Edward freaking Cullen! Fuck, I'm becoming a 14 year old girl.

_I'll pick you up in an hour? – E_

_Sounds good. – B _

I fly off of my bed and into my closet before I realize I have no idea what we're doing. Hmm…jeans or a dress? I decide on a dress, since I usually wear them out. If he knows me at least a little bit, he will realize that I'm going to wear what I'm comfortable in.

I pick my cream dress with a slightly swooping U neckline with dark brown beads on the straps. It swishes when I move and is perfect for something formal or fun. I grab beige ankle boots with brown embellishments on it for its pair and slip them on. I head over to my vanity and decide to straighten my hair since I left it curly for school today.

30 minutes later my hair is perfectly straight and shiny and my makeup is redone. I put all of my things in a brown circle clutch and head downstairs to the kitchen. I see my mom painting her toenails on the kitchen island. I smile at her actions. She's such a teen at times.

"Hey mom." I take a seat next to her.

She looks at my outfit, "You're going to a high school party in that?"

"Actually, I have a date." I can't keep the ridiculous smile off of my face.

She, of course, screams and makes me stand up so she can get the "full effect". She takes my hand and twirls me around and I let myself let go. I laugh and dance with her. Well, I'm dancing while she's kind of hopping since her nails aren't dry yet. She finally stops imitating a penguin and we both collapse on each other laughing. I can't remember the last time I actually ahd fun with my mom.

"Baby, you look gorgeous. Now tell me who you're going to knock dead tonight!" her eyes light up with excitement.

"Edward Cullen."

"Carlisle's nephew? Oh Bella, he's so handsome!" her eyes practically bug out of her head.

I blush, knowing exactly what she's talking about. "How do you know what he looks like?"

"When Carlisle came over the other day he showed me a picture. He looks so much like Elizabeth, its crazy."

"Who's Elizabeth?" I ask her.

"His mother, of course." Duh. The doorbell rings and my eyes shoot to my mom's who matches my excitement.

At the same time, we both race to the door, both handicapped. Her handicap being her still slightly wet toes and my handicap being my 3 inch heels. I still beat her, though, and I take a second to collect myself and not look like a crazed teenager before opening the door. When I open the door, my breath catches.

There he is, my _date._ With his sex hair in full effect and a white v-neck with black jeans, he is literally sex on legs. Sweet Jesus. My mom clears her throat behind me, probably annoyed that she can't see him due to the door in front of her.

"Come on in." I open the door wider just to mess with Renee and watch Edward walk in. More specifically I watch his ass, but same thing.

"I'm Renee, Bella's mom and I already know who you are!" she smiles a mega watt smile at him, but he turns to me and raises his brow. "You told your mom about me?" he smirks, clearly happy with himself.

I roll my eyes at him. "Carlisle told her about you. I just told her that someone who sucks at jokes is taking me out tonight." I mirror his cocky expression and he just smiles at me, which I of course return.

Meanwhile, Renee is just standing there looking between us like a tennis match. "You two are so CUTE together!" she squeals, almost rivaling Alice. Alright, it's time to leave.

"It's nice to meet you Renee." Edward turns his crooked smile towards her and she's done. She's always been a cougar, being 9 years older than Phil, but I think she may be a cradle-robber now.

"Okay, you two have been introduced, now we have to leave." I grab Edward's arm and pull him towards the door.

"Bye baby! Have fun and stay out until whenever! It was nice to meet you Edward! I hope to see you again!" Seriously, why is it necessary to yell when we have only reached the porch? Edward just laughs and waves goodbye before Renee shuts the door. Since I know her too well, I look at the window a few feet away from the door and see her looking through it making kissing faces.

I love my mom.

"So Edward, where are you taking me?" I ask him once he opens and closes the door for me and returns to his driver side.

He just turns to me and smiles. "To somewhere new."

Oh god.

**See that green button down there? It wants you to click it...so you should.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Happy New Year! **

**Sorry this chapter was a bit of a wait! I was in the hospital a few days ago, as the doctors thought I had meningitis and were worried about it since I have scar tissue from brain surgery in 2007. Thankfully, I DONT have it so I can return back to school and write more for y'all. :)**

**Anyway, the Twilighted forum is extremely lonely, and I really want to give away teasers and chat with you all, so come and find me on there! The read counts on both fanfiction and Twilighted are astounding, but the reviews are really low compared to the number of readers. Help me out and review, yes? I love hearing from you all!**

**So, tell me in your review…did you expect this location as the date?**

**If not, what did you think it was going to be?**

**S.M. owns all things Twilight.**

**I don't own any of the references in this chapter, but I do own a Sandalwood and Vanilla candle (Bella says Edward smells like this in the book) that is like heaven. I hope Robert Pattinson smells like this in real life.**

We drive for a few minutes across town. This is Forks, after all. It doesn't take ten minutes to go from one side to the other. The entire time he is smiling, clearly enjoying my discomfort with surprises. Bastard.

"You look beautiful, Bella." He says out of nowhere, effectively making me blush.

"Thank you," I'm so used to people criticizing me since I'm in the public eye of Forks High. I'm not really used to anyone but Jazz, Emmett, Phil, Renee, and Carlisle even talking to me, much less complimenting me. I've been with guys, but we usually never talk while we're together, if you know what I mean.

"That blush suits you." He looks over at me and smiles, his eyes sparkling with the passing lights. I smile back, fazed at his gaze.

"We're here," He says excitedly. I look up and gasp. Bowling? I've never been bowling before.

"I asked Jasper and he said you've never done this." He looks at me, gauging my reaction. I beam at him, truly excited for once. I will have to talk to Jasper later though. I thought he hated Edward.

"Let's go!" I practically yell, which earns a full laugh from him and another blush from me. We get out of the car, him scowling for a moment at my impatience which didn't let him open my car door.

He holds open the door for me to go inside the building and we're immediately hit with the smells of greasy food and sounds of pins crashing. He tells me to find a lane and I pick a random one. No one else is here, which I find confusing. Why aren't other people bowling? Oh yeah, tonight's another party.

I sit at the table behind the lane and after a moment Edward comes up to me with two pairs of gnarly looking shoes. The con of bowling is definitely the disgusting shoes. I look down at my feet and frown.

"I don't have socks." I look up at him just in time to see him grab a pair of socks from his pants pocket.

"I stole a pair of Alice's. I didn't think you would have any." He smiles at me, his eyes still twinkling. So this is what Edward Cullen looks like when he's happy. I like it.

I take the shoes and slip my shoes off before pitting on the borrowed socks and shoes. Sick. After they are on and secure, I look at Edward, unsure of what to do next. "Come on," he holds out his hand and I grab it. I let go once I'm steady on my feet and follow him to the back of the room.

He stops us at a rack full of brightly colored bowling balls. He grabs me a bright yellow one from the top row, the lightest row and grabs himself a dark green one from one of the middle rows. He sets his ball back down and grabs my fingers on my right hand. I gasp, feeling electricity from his touch immediately. He manipulates my fingers in the correct position to hold the bowling ball, but I'm not really paying attention to it. I focus on his breathing and his close proximity. I look up at him, his face a lot closer to mine that I thought.

I stop breathing all together and keep my eyes locked on his, which seem to have darkened. He leans forward slightly, our noses _almost_ touching. He takes a deep breath and steps back, slightly shaking his head. I close my eyes, determined not to let him see the hurt from his rejection.

"You can go and enter our names in the system," he tells me before walking into the men's bathroom, leaving me alone. I roll my eyes, pissed off at myself for the way that I'm acting. I need to grow up. So he didn't kiss me, it's not the end of the world.

I walk towards our lane, but I stop at the counter so I can get water. The guy behind it is cute. I think he's a sophomore at the college just outside of town. Tan skin, black short cropped hair, a smile to die for, definitely a nine out of ten.

"Can I get some water?"

"You can have whatever you want," he says with a wink, his voice a deep bass sending shivers down my spine.

He gets me the water and asks for my name, which I gladly give him. "So are you with the red-headed guy?" he asks me, leaning forward on the counter.

I laugh, thinking of the rejection he just gave me. "Fuck no." I smile at him and take my water, walking back to the table. Maybe I put a little more oomph in my walk, maybe not. Edward soon joins me, looking confused at the look sexy-voice guy gave him on his way over. I just want to jump up and scream at Edward. Some guys wouldn't chicken out like he did. I bet if I went up to sexy-voice, he would gladly shove his tongue down my throat.

"Sorry about that," Edward says once he is next to me. I look at him, wondering what exactly he's sorry for. For chickening out or running off to the bathroom? He doesn't elaborate on his explanation, but I just let it drop. It's not worth getting all worked up over…right?

I remember his earlier instructions and enter our names in the system. He comes up behind me and lightly grabs my arm. I turn to face him, annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do around you. I want to impress you, Bella."

"Then stop acting like a dick." I laugh slightly at his expression. He clearly did not expect me to say that.

I'm first to bowl, so I get my ball and go to the start line thingy. I launch the ball onto the lane and it promptly goes into the gutter after about a second on the lane. I hear Edward's laugh behind me, so I turn and try to act pissed. It works for about twenty seconds, with his laughter filling the entire time.

I crack a smile and finally laugh with him, rolling my eyes. "Alright Mr. Awesome, let me see what you got." I challenge him, earning a sexy smirk.

He goes up and imitates me, but his ball actually strikes the pins. The fucker gets a strike. I scowl at his accomplished look when he turns back to me. "Mr. Awesome, huh? Fitting." Oh, now the bitch is cocky. It's on.

---

The game continues in this fashion. I hit a few pins, which in my mind is pretty awesome. I've never been bowling before, give me some slack! He gets strikes on every turn, except one and I can take the credit for that one. On his second to last turn, I get fed up with the strike streak, so I walk up behind him without his knowledge.

Right as he is about to send the ball no doubt getting another strike, I snake my arms around his waist and press my body against his. I try not to think about how my body fits perfectly next to his. He gasps and sends the ball straight into the gutter. As soon as it makes it in there, I take my arms back from around him.

"Sucker!" I yell at his still flabbergasted face. I raise my eyebrow, daring him to say anything about it.

He finally smiles and says cryptically, "I'm going to get you back, Cheater."

And he definitely serves his promise.

As I'm going to bowl for the last time, I feel his body behind mine. Not touching, but the electricity is in full force anyway. His hot breath is in my ear as he whispers, "You're going to lose this game, Bella. What will I get when I win?" I shudder at his seductive tone, slightly pissed that I became so weak with a handful of words from an Adonis.

I try getting the ball to stay on the lane, but of course it goes in the gutter. I turn around, still slightly dazzled. I go to my seat, calling Edward an ass as he passes me, which earns another sexy chuckle. Jesus, he is just sexy personified.

After he wins, he takes our shoes back to the counter while I put on my heels, sighing when they are secure on my feet. I need to buy bowling shoes of my own. Those were just disgusting.

Edward comes back and we gather our stuff and make our way out of the building. The guy at the counter clears his throat as I go by, signaling for me to stay for a second. Edward stops a few feet in front of me, clearly confused.

"Call me sometime," he says simply. His voice isn't nearly as sexy now as it was before when I was mad at Edward. I smile sweetly at him and take the dirty napkin he wrote his number on. I look over at Edward for a split second and see his hurt expression. Don't worry Edward; this guy's a loser anyway.

I take the number and drop it on the floor, putting my shoe on top of it and rubbing it down.

"Thanks, but _hell_ no." I roll my eyes at his dejected expression and smile at Edward. Edward smiles back, clearly pleased that I said no. I may be a bitch sometimes, but I'm not _that _mean.

He leads the way to his car and opens my door for me, which earns a blush from me as I sit in the car. He jogs over to his side with a silly smile on his face, which makes me smile in return, knowing that I put it on his face.

Once in the car, he smiles at me before we set off. I have no idea where we're going, but I'm just going with the flow, which is kind of unusual for me. Once on the roads, I take advantage of his focus on the road and stare at his perfect features. He has a slightly crooked nose and a tiny scar on his forehead near his hairline, but it's all perfection to me.

"Enjoying the view?" Edward suddenly asks with a smirk. I blush and turn my attention to my hands, embarrassed. But then I remember that I am Bella Swan. Bella Swan does _not_ get embarrassed at stupid things like getting caught ogling an Adonis.

I turn back to him with a new or rather, old, confidence. "Maybe,"

He turns his piercing gaze onto me as we reach a stoplight. "Me too," he says as his gaze travels up and down my body, not lingering in the more sensitive areas like a gentleman. The light turns green and he focuses back on the road with a new light behind his eyes.

We arrive at the favorite diner for the locals and once out of the car, Edward takes my hand which I hold, earning a pleased smile from Edward. I don't hold hands with anyone except for Jasper, so this is new. But it feels right with Edward, like many things do.

Once inside, we get seated and meet our waitress, Lacey. At first glance, I can tell that she's been used and thrown away wet one too many times, if you know what I mean. Her trashy bleached blond hair is ratty and pulled back with a huge poof on top of her head, while her makeup is tragically over done and her clothing is even more tragically little. Well, you have to love the easy small-town whore's. Not.

Lacy, of course, is fawning all over Edward. I roll my eyes and tune her likely annoying voice out. I focus on Edward, whose focus is only on me as well. Hah, take that bitch!

"I'll have a water," Edward says, his eyes till on me. Apparently she asked him what he wanted to drink. "Bella, what would you like?"

"The same," I say, wishing Lacey would just go away so I can stare at Edward in peace. Once she actually leaves, I roll my eyes once more. "Bitch," I mumble more to myself than him.

He, of course, laughs. "Yeah, she wasn't subtle, huh?" he asks rhetorically, I assume. I snort, and then blush at the gross sound that should never come out of my mouth again.

"Have I mentioned that I love your blush?"

"Yes," I smile, turning into a thirteen year old girl again.

At the thought of being thirteen, I freeze up. I can see in clear quality the house I was practically jailed inside of for the years of my childhood. I see the cop cars in front, their lights illuminating the perfect looking house from the outside.

Anyone walking by would think there was nothing abnormal about the white two story house on a busy street. With a black picket gate enclosing it and flowers under the windows, it's the epitome of a city home. Too bad the inside of the house was filled with peeling walls and missing doors and cabinets. Not to mention beer bottles covering every fucking stable surface.

I resurface, unsure of what the hell just happened. It was just a memory of the house, not a flashback, so why did I freeze up?

"Bella?" Edward's worried voice greets me as I can finally see the present again. My knuckles hurt like a bitch, so I look down and see t that I'm gripping the table so hard my knuckles have turned white.

He repeats my name, clearly wondering why his date just went crazy.

"Sorry," I finally say in a whisper, unsure of what else is acceptable to say.

He grabs my sore hand and holds it in his over the table. "Are you okay?"

I nod.

How do explain to him what's wrong with me? I mean, I told him some of the stuff from my past, but he doesn't know about the random attacks that I get.

"You have PTSD," He says more as an observation than a question.

I drop his hand like it's on fire.

"I do _not_ have that." I say, my voice low, warning him.

His expression softens, apologetic. I take a deep breath, calming myself, before putting my hand back in his. We're silent for a few moments before I finally speak.

"I need a drink." He laughs before turning to the menu, letting me gather myself together. I take a moment to silently thank him for not pushing the subject.

"What are in the mood to eat?" he asks me.

"Oh, I'm not hungry." I try to blow it off, but my stomach growls quite loudly.

"Bullshit," he says sternly, shaking his head.

I blush and look down, toying with the napkin in front of me with my free hand. I feel him slowly start to rub circles with his thumb on my hand, but when I glance up, he's still looking at the menu, seeming to do it just absentmindedly.

After a moment, he looks up towards the waiter's podium, signaling Lacey. She scowls for a second once she sees our joined hands on the table, but composes herself.

"What can I get you?" she practically moans towards Edward. Shit, someone just get her a pole and a video camera already.

"We," he makes eye contact with me and holds it. "would like two bowls of mushroom ravioli and bread sticks, please." His focus never wavers, which pisses the whore off.

She takes a step closer to the table and leans forward, trying to clock me from his view. I laugh at the pathetic attempt and she stiffens. She starts to say something, but he cuts her off. "That's it, thanks." He shoots a glance at her podium, clearly trying to get her to leave us alone.

The whore hugs and saunters away, mumbling under her breath something that sounds like "must be gay," I laugh loudly, the situation is just too ridiculous to do anything but.

I look back to Edward. "Wow," I say simply, still laughing.

He joins in the laugher before bringing my hand to his lips. I've never had a guy do that to me before and I strangely like and welcome the cheesy romantic gesture. I blush, something that seems to happen every minute with Edward around me.

Conversation ebbs and flows after this. We talk about things from Renee and Phil, how he wants to follow in his uncle's footsteps and become a doctor, his old dog Aro that Alice hated because he smelled bad and ate her shoes, our favorite music and movies, how I plan to be a songwriter, and everything else we could think of. Nothing is off limits, with exception of my past, which I think he knows and tries to steer clear of that subject for now.

We barely notice Lacy delivering our food. I hardly notice that I actually ate half of my soup, which surprisingly doesn't bother me for once.

"We should probably get going," Edward announces after he pays the bill and throws a few ones on the table for a tip. We get up and join hands, something that just seems natural to me now, and leave the restaurant. Once in the car, we drive off in the direction of my place.

The ride to my house is silent, but definitely not uncomfortable. I look out the window at the darkened trees and scattered lights, surprised at how peaceful everything looks for once. Usually when I look at the scenery around this town, I think it to be loud and green and anything but peaceful. I assume it must be the company I'm with that makes everything just seem better.

Once we arrive at my house, Edward opens my car door and walks me up to the front door. As I have never been on a legit date before, I'm unsure of what to do. He answers that question for me with another question.

"Can I kiss you, Bella?" His face already close to mine, enough so that I can feel his breath on my face.

_"Yes," I say softly, but not wimpy and unsure. I'm definitely sure of this._

He leans down further and touches his lips to mine, gentler than I imagined he would have. The sparks between us erupt in full force, which makes my head all light. Kisses never affect me like this, _never_. He pulls away before it turns into something deeper and I sigh, content but disappointed that it didn't go any further.

He leans his forehead against mine, both of us catching our breath. Even though it was the simplest of kisses, it was extremely powerful. We both smile and open our eyes at the same time before stepping back from each other.

"Thanks for tonight, Edward." I break the wonderful silence.

He just smiles and kisses my hand, again. "Will I see you on Monday?"

"Yes," I breathe.

After a moment, he gets in his car and drives away. I open my front door, relieved that Renee wasn't spying. I lean against the door once it's locked and shut and my smile is so big that it almost hurts.

I just had a date with Edward Cullen…and I liked it.

---

Waking up the next morning, I immediately text Jasper.

_You have some 'splaining to do, boy._

I lay back in my pillows, enjoying the happy feeling that I've yet to experience waking up before. Edward Cullen must be rearranging things in my mind without my knowledge.

First everything around me seems peaceful and I actually enjoy Forks, Washington. Second, I wake up happy for the first time in years without the help of alcohol.

Third, I think I may be falling in love with him after just one date.

What. The. Fuck.

Where the hell did the third one come from? I can't be falling in love. Bella Swan does not fall in love with guys from Forks, Washington. Then again, Edward's only been in Forks for a few months, so he's not really from here.

Shit! That's beside the point! My inner voice yells at me, begging me not to let my heart fall for some Adonis that could end up ruining everything that I've worked so hard to put back together.

After a few seconds of sheer panic, I finally decide that I'm just going to go with the flow. Normally, I'm always in control of my mind and body, protecting myself if something is to go askew.

I'm going to let Edward Cullen inside…not that way. I'm going to let him get to know me and if he doesn't want me, at least I know that I'm capable of opening up and sharing my life with someone else.

My phone vibrates so I look at the new message.

_Already on my way – J_

He knows me so well. I've let a handful of people in my life, so maybe I'm being a little dramatic. I roll my eyes and go to my closet, finding something to wear for the day. Usually on the weekends after a party, Jazz and I just chill at my house, being lazy. But since I didn't go to the party, or maybe it's a certain red haired, green eyed Edward Cullen that changed my mind, I want to go out and do something. I pick out a comfy looking v-neck tan dress with blue lace that reaches about mid-thigh. I pick out a pair of blue faux suede boots that go up a few inches above my ankle and put them on, pulling my hair up into a pony tail since I didn't take a shower last night and I probably don't have any time to take one now.

I put on a sheer lip gloss, a coat of mascara, and create wings for my eyes with blue eye shadow before grabbing my phone and heading downstairs. Just as I reach the bottom step, Jazz opens the door. Renee and Phil see him as family, so he and Emmett can just walk in as they please.

He whistles at me once he sees me fully. "Damn, girl." He smirks and gathers me in a hug. I welcome it and wrap my arms around him. After a moment, he pulls away.

"You going somewhere?" he asks, with a hint of disappointment. Silly Jasper.

"_We_ are going out. I don't know where, but I don't feel like being cooped up inside all day." I head into the kitchen, towards something heavenly smelling. Freshly baked cinnamon buns sit on the counter, the icing melting from the heat. I grab one and blow on it before taking a bite.

I turn to see Jasper's surprised face. "What?" I ask around a mouthful of Lauren's latest creation.

"Nothing…" He trails off before finding his balls somewhere and continuing. "You hardly eat, Bells, and now you're willingly eating breakfast? I'm just confused. What did Cullen do last night?" Towards the end of his sentence, he smirks, figuring out that it was indeed Cullen.

What Cullen did exactly, is a mystery, but I welcome it. I just don't like to eat; it's really not that big of a deal. But since last night, my hunger has come back full force.

"Yeah, about that," I glare at him and put my almost finished bun on the table. He takes a cinnamon bun from the plate and gulps it down in two bites. I roll my eyes at his stalling tactic that failed miserably. "Why did you help him?" I ask once his mouth isn't full.

He sighs and takes a seat at the kitchen island before turning the chair to look at me.

"I wanted to see you happy, so when Cullen came to me and asked me where the best place to take you on a date was, I gave him places that you would have hated. He asked me where you've already been and I told him those places too. He picked out bowling on his own and I told him that you would probably like it. That's all I did, darlin'. The rest was Cullen."

I sigh and sit in the chair next to him. "I had fun," I say simply, looking down at my lap with a huge smile on my face. He tilts my chin up with one finger and his smile matches mine.

"I'm glad, Bella." He says sincerely, making my insides jump with joy. "Are you going out with him again?"

Oh.

"He didn't ask me…" I trail off, suddenly wondering if the date wasn't as good for him as it was for me. Before I could get to into that thought, Jasper spoke.

"Just because he didn't ask you doesn't mean he won't soon. If his mood today is a fraction of what yours is, I'm positive he will ask you again." He takes my hand and hops off of the chair, pulling me with him. I laugh freely as he twirls me around the kitchen before crushing me in a hug.

"I'm so happy for you, darlin'. You deserve someone." I look up at his face and see the sincerity there. Is my appearance and mannerisms really that different today? I feel different, but I didn't think that I looked any different. But Jasper has always been in tune with my moods, so I guess he would get it before everyone else.

I put the almost finished cinnamon bun in the trash, knowing I will puke if I try to eat more of it. I take a tan double-breasted pea-coat from the closet next to the door and we head out. After a moment of thought, we decide to take my car since it would be too cold for my bare legs to be on his motorcycle with the cold air today. The sky is slightly blue, which is a relief.

We decide to go to Port Angeles for the day, shopping and just being lazy but in a new way. After about an hour of driving, we arrive and decide to go to some of the stores in the downtown aread. Jasper isn't really a fan of shopping and I only shop online when in Forks, so we just lollygag from store to store, not really paying attention to anything. Phil usually buys stuff for me when he's on his trips, so I don't really need anything right now since he is coming back soon. We do spend more time in Odyssey Bookshop than any other store, though. I go through each aisle, picking out books that seem interesting enough. By the time we leave, I end up purchasing six books that will most likely sit on my bookshelf for a while until I remember that they are actually there.

Nonetheless, my bookshelf is amazing. I've read most of the books on there, but I just don't find enough time in my day to read. Reading has always been something that comforts me, so I make a mental note to try and take time to read more. We go to the museum for Jasper, as we both haven't been there yet. We stroll down the streets after depositing the bag of books in my car, laughing and joking.

All around, the day is pretty good so far. He suggests a movie, so we go to the movie theater to see what's playing. He lets me pick, so I pick the movie that everyone has been raving about lately, Twilight. He sighs once I make the selection, not into chick flicks. That is, until, I point out the actress' face on the poster. Pretty girls will always interest Jasper, so he shut up after that.

That's what you get for trying to be a gentleman and letting me pick.

The movie doesn't start for about an hour, so we go to Veela Café to hang out and get coffees. But once we enter the café, our ears are molested by a squeal. I look around to see what the noise was and I'm accosted with none other than Alice Cullen.

Well, shit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello lovelies! Turns out, writing this story is a good homework motivator! I told myself that I was NOT allowed to write this until my Mozart vs. Beethoven report was done, which made me get off my lazy ass and do it. :)**

**It seems like every time I post a new chapter, I'm explaining more medical drama for all of you…and since I don't like to disappoint, I have some more. I was diagnosed yesterday with ****Syringomyelia, which is fluid in my spine. Normally it isn't that big of a deal, but the fluid covers almost my entire spine, so they want to put me through another surgery to get it out. I had brain surgery in 2007 as some of you know, so I'm no stranger to brain surgery. :) The surgery is supposed to be soon, so I may not be able to write for a while. I will try my hardest to get out another chapter after this one before I go under the knife, yes? **

**Come visit me on the forum over at Twilighted and review, please!**

Once I notice Alice, I notice who is next to her. My heart stops and then picks up at a fast pace as I lock eyes with him. Jasper chuckles next to me, probably at the irony of our situation. I roll my eyes at him and silently ask him if he would mind going over to them. I'm still not Alice's biggest fan, but my resolve has wavered the past few days, allowing me to see clearly and not hold the giant grudge against her. Now it's only a little grudge.

Jasper nods at me and we walk over to them, Alice's eyes big as she realizes we're actually coming over to them. She thankfully keeps her mouth shut as I stare up into the eyes of her companion.

"Hey," I say, smiling at him.

"Hello Bella, Jasper." He nods to Jasper and smiles back at me, the entire idea that we are both in the same place at the same time after the most wonderful date the night before is too much for me and I finally laugh. He laughs with me and soon Jasper joins in. Alice, though, seems to be not aware of the joke.

"Edward, what's funny?" she asks her brother.

"Come on Alice, I'm sure you can figure it out." He looks down at her and we all watch as it finally clicks for her. Her eyes widen and she giggles a high pitched giggle that on anyone else would be extremely annoying, but on her, it just works.

After everyone's laughter dies down, I'm the first one to talk. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Well Alice here said that she wanted to come to Port Angeles to check out the shops and she dragged me with her." Even though his words were meant to be annoyed, the smile on his face and his eyes as he looked at his little sister were filled with nothing but love. It made my heart break a little, wondering why their father would just leave them like that when they are almost perfect children. I let the thought roll off my shoulders, not wanting to dampen my good mood.

Edward repeats the question I asked him and Jasper answers for us. "We usually spend the weekends together, but Bella wanted to do something different." He looks down at me just as Edward did for Alice and I saw the same exact emotions in his eyes.

Alice finally speaks up. "What are you guys doing after this? We don't have anything planned, and I know that Edward would love to hang out with you again, Bella. So would I, if you would let me. The same goes for you, Jasper." Her voice gets so rushed towards the end that I chuckle a little.

If I can give Edward a chance, I should be able to give Alice one, as well. It would be the right thing to do --- and while I don't always do the right thing, it's now or never for me.

I look up at Jasper and see the same inner thoughts as my own reflected on his face. I turn back to Alice. "Sure, shorty." Her squeal is enough of an answer, so Edward, Alice, and I sit down at a booth while Jasper goes to get coffees for the two of us since Edward and Alice already ordered.

"I've not forgiven you, Alice. But I'm giving you a chance, so don't blow it." I say to her, not caring that her brother is right next to her.

"I completely understand, Bella. I'm so glad that you want to give me a chance. I have a feeling that you and Edward are going to spend a lot of time together, and if we're friends…or something like that, it will make everything so much more comfortable." She smiles at me, clearly happy with the turn of events in our friendship.

"Oh!" She exclaims, remembering something. "You should come over for dinner tomorrow! Carlisle would love it. He's been asking us if it would be okay to have you come over, but we've been avoiding it, since you haven't been our biggest fan lately." She stops talking once Edward puts his hand on her arm, trying to tell her to take a breath. I laugh at the energizer bunny, glad to be in company that isn't overly macho for once.

"Umm…sure, Alice." I hesitate, but agree, wanting to spend time at Carlisle's house again. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about spending more time with Edward…and maybe Alice, too.

Jasper walks over to us with two drinks in hand. I take mine and set it on the table, not actually going to drink it. I may be eating actual meals today, but if I were to drink the coffee, my stomach would hate me and just send it right back up.

My stomach has been without a surplus of food for almost six years. Eating too much would only make me sick, and I _hate_ throwing up. Jasper, ever in tune with my emotions and attitude, notices my aloofness towards the drink and throws me a quick look, but thankfully doesn't say anything about it.

The four of us talk for a while about our purchases made earlier in the day. Edward is particularly interested in the books I bought, so he and I discuss them quietly. At first, I'm a bit hesitant to talk with him about them, as I don't want to leave Jasper and Alice out of the conversation, but I see them having their own little staring contest type thing, so I let them be and relax with Edward.

After a while, I raise my voice a little so the others can hear me. "Jasper and I were planning on seeing a movie, but I don't really feel like it now. Do you guys have anything in mind?" I look between the siblings.

Alice debates for a moment before something flashes in her eyes. "Shoot! I just remembered that Carlisle said he wanted us back sometime before dinner, so we have to be leaving soon." She continues as she sees my face fall, "But you two are totally welcome to come! We were just talking about Bella coming over, Jasper. Carlisle said that you used to hang out around the house a lot, so you can totally come too! There! It's settled." Her excitement coats every sentence.

I look to Jasper, wondering if it's a good idea. I want to go and see Carlisle and have a normal dinner like I used to have at his house, but Jasper hasn't been over there in so long, it might be weird for him.

"Sounds like a plan," Jasper drawls, laying it on thick for Alice's benefit. I roll my eyes. He always puts the accent on heavy when he's trying to impress a girl. Chicks dig accents.

Alice squeals and claps her hands, earning an amused look from Edward. We throw away our trash and leave the coffee shop with the plan to meet at Carlisle's house. While saying our "see you soon's" Edward catches my eye and we just stare at each other. Even with the slight distance, I can still see the green of his eyes, piercing.

We break away after Jasper snorts and I walk arm in arm with my best friend to my car. I drive the car, hating when other people drive my baby. The car ride home is filled with Muse, Jasper's favorite band. The air in the car is content, happy. He may not admit it, but I know Jazz still likes Alice. But he's an amazing friend, so he didn't talk to her when I was mad at her. Maybe I can let her off the hook so her and Jazz can hook up.

While Jazz is thinking about Alice, I'm thinking about Edward. He seemed so carefree today. The fact that he hangs out with his sister is really awesome. If I had a sibling, which I sometimes wish I did, I would definitely spend time with them outside of home. Thinking about another addition to my little family is a good idea, at least that's my opinion.

Renee was never able to get pregnant, so that's why they adopted me. It would have been smarter for them to get someone younger, but when Carlisle sent them a picture of me and told them about me, they said they immediately knew that I was their daughter.

I'm taken out of my memories as I turn into Carlisle's drive. The other cars must be in the garage. Jasper and I get out of the car and I lock the doors before entering the house without knocking. Hey, I used to live here, so I don't need to.

As soon as we enter the house, we're accosted with the smell of chicken and garlic. Jasper takes my hand and I look up at him and smile. We start walking to the kitchen on the far left of the house when we hear Carlisle call out. "Alice? Edward? Dinner's ready!" I smile, ready to surprise him.

"What up, Big C?" Jasper says before I get the chance to yell something cheesy. Carlisle whips around from the refrigerator where he's storing something that looks like cheesecake.

"Jasper! I haven't seen you in a while, how've you been?" Carlisle wipes his hands on a towel near the sink, grabs a wine glass on the table, and takes a sip. Seeing the wine gets me thirsty, but I know that he will definitely not allow me to drink in his house.

The two of them start talking about what Jasper's been up to lately. A.K.A a whole lot of nothing. After about a minute of them ignoring me, I speak up.

"Am I invisible or something?" I mock pout.

"Of course not, Bella." Carlisle smiles and walks over to gather me in a fatherly hug. He kisses my temple before moving away and see's me eyeing his wine.

"Bella, you know I love you…but _hell _no." He scolds me but laughs, so the effect was futile. We hear two car doors slam outside, which brightens Carlisle's face even more. He really loves those two; I just hope they appreciate it. Carlisle's love is not something to be taken for granted.

I hear the door open and Alice's giggle floats to the kitchen. I settle myself on one of the chairs next to the island and Carlisle hands me a glass with ice water. I look up and smile my thanks to him just as Alice enters the room. I look for Edward and am slightly disappointed that he isn't behind her. Alice catches my face drop, of course.

"Upstairs," she mouths to me before coming over and pushing me off my chair. Jeez, pushy little pixie. I look over to Jasper to see him fixed on Alice, so I quietly excuse myself from the room. I slowly make my way upstairs, wondering what door is his. Once up on the second floor, I have two options.

The only things to the left of the staircase are a storage room, exercise room, and a patio overlooking trees (what else is there to overlook in Forks?), so I go down the hallway to the right. My room is the first room I get to, on the left. Carlisle picked the room for me since it had its own bathroom and a large closet. It joins with another room further down the hall, but that was always a guest room when I lived here. Now that Alice and Edward are here though, it could be either of theirs.

I get to the door and see the door is covered in pictures of Alice, Edward, and a few other people that I've never seen before. An older male in some of the pictures looks like Carlisle, so I assume it's their father. I don't think Edward is the kind of guy to post pictures on a door, so I assume its Alice's and leave the door untouched.

The only room left is the one on the right at the end of the hall. I pass the bathroom and laundry room and softly knock on the door. I hit the jackpot when I hear Edward's voice call out just loud enough for me to hear through the door. "Come in,"

I open the door and gasp. The last time I saw this room, it was Esme's painting room. The walls and furniture were white, something about wanting all of the color to be on her paper, not the surroundings. I personally always thought that it was weird that it was so empty in the room, but that's definitely not the case now.

The room is painted in a deep green with stained black wood. The room opposite of the door is filled with CD's from ceiling to floor and in the corner, there is what looks like hundreds of journal looking books scattered, unorganized. My eyes travel the room and find a flat screen hanging opposite the bed with an impressive sound system under it.

The black dresser is next to the door and covered in medals and picture frames. His book bag is at the end of his bed, looking like it's been untouched all weekend. Finally, I look at his bed and find him staring at me with an amused smirk on his face.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. I'm just watching you memorize my room,"

I mock glare. "I was _not _memorizing the room. I was just noticing how different it is." I shrug and notice that he is holding something in his hands, looking like he's trying to shield it from me. "What's that?" I ask him.

He quickly puts the mystery object in the bedside table drawer, successfully piquing my interest but taking it out of my sight. I frown, which earns a chuckle from him. "It's nothing, Bella. Don't worry about it." I let it drop. If he doesn't want to tell me, I'm not going to force it from him.

He pats the empty space on his massive bed, so I hop up and sit on my legs, careful to not flash him since my dress is short. He scoots closer to me and takes a hold of my ponytail, twirling it softly. I smile at the gesture, finding it comforting.

"Is it weird for you to be here?" he asks softly.

I shrug. "Kinda. The house feels so different now than when I was living here. It feels like a family lives here, not just three people like it was. This room did a major one-eighty, too." I muse.

"Yeah, Esme redecorated it for me. Alice threw a fit about wanting your room in the beginning though. She said it had a bigger closet and she needed it. Esme and Carlisle were adamant about keeping it, though. We had no idea why…until we met you at school."

I nod, understanding Alice's reasoning. If I moved into my uncle's house and he had a room for a teenage girl that I knew nothing about, and wouldn't change it, I would be confused and pissed, too.

We're quiet for a moment, him twirling my hair while I stare out the window at the trees that seem to match the color of his room. "Does the green ever bother you? It's everywhere." I nod to the window.

He just chuckles. "I like green. We lived in the city in Chicago so we never really got to see trees and stuff. It was like a major culture shock when we got off the plane here." I agree with him, understanding completely. I was slightly catatonic when getting off the plane from Seattle to Forks, too. I didn't notice much but blurry shapes and colors. It seemed like every color I saw was a green…in most cases green is supposed to be soothing, but the child version of me wasn't too soothed.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I look at him confused before realizing I spoke out loud. I flush and duck my head down before Edward softly tugs it back up with my pony tail. "Don't hide from me Bella, please." He pleads with me and I struggle with my resolve. What if he leaves me or hurts me like so many others? But then I remember what I told myself last night and this morning. I just need to let things happen and go with the flow…turn over a new leaf…etc.

He slowly brings his face to mine until our mouths are less than an inch apart. When I exhale, he inhales and vice versa. It's like we're breathing the same air to stay alive. I look into his eyes and see that they have darkened. I swallow thickly, my throat suddenly tight and in desperate need of water…or alcohol.

He touches his lips to mine softly after a moment. The kiss starts out slow, but with each second it seems to multiply with need and desire. I take the lead and push him back slowly onto his bed and climb on top of him so I'm straddling him. His soft sigh tells me it was the right thing to do. His hands reach up and cradle my face, bringing us impossibly closer. It's like we can't get enough of each other.

Just as he moves to my neck, we hear Alice's soprano voice from the other side of the door call out to us. "Get your asses downstairs! I'm hungry!"

Edward and I share a groan at the interruption and after a moment where we try to catch our breath, he grabs my hips and helps me maneuver off of him. I hop off of the bed and smooth out my dress before chancing a look over at him. I laugh softly at his annoyed expression, most likely from the unwanted interruption. He starts walking to the door, but I grab his arm to stop him from going any further.

"You okay?" I ask him, already knowing part of the answer. If he's anything like me, he's definitely okay. That was the most electrifying kiss I've ever had. He _had_ to have felt something like I did.

He nods and leans down to softly kiss me on my lips. We both leave the room and head downstairs, following the smell of food towards the dining room. Once in the dining room, I notice that the food has already been set and ready to be eaten…by the rest of them.

"Alright, kids. Take your seats so we can eat!" Carlisle's enthusiasm about eating never wavers. He eats so much food every day, if he didn't work out every morning, he would be bigger than the house. Carlisle sits at the head of the table and Jasper takes the seat on the right of him. I immediately go to sit next to Jasper, who has a knowing smirk on his face. Damnit, he probably knows that happened upstairs. I elbow him in the ribs to make sure he doesn't say anything.

Alice takes the seat opposite me and Edward opposite Jasper. They dig in as soon as everyone's seated with me just staring at the food, trying to go unnoticed by Carlisle. I hear Carlisle clear his throat, so I look over to see his stern expression. He glances at the food and then to my plate, clearly telling me that I need to eat.

I take a small piece of chicken and some lettuce on my plate, appeasing him. I'm not going to eat it, but I can pretend. Carlisle starts the conversation, asking us all about school. We all have pretty much the same answer. It's boring and we can't wait for graduation. Carlisle laughs at this, understanding completely. He got perfect grades in high school, but he always said that he hated the repetition each day. He says that becoming a doctor is more exciting for him, as every day there are new patients and problems to deal with.

Alice takes over the conversation after this, talking about anything and everything that pops into her head. When she pauses in her monologue, I realize something.

"Carlisle, where is Esme? I feel like I haven't seen her in forever." I look over at him to see a slightly sad expression flash across his face before he composes it.

"She's been in London, designing some actor's house out there. She should be home next week, though."

It's amazing. You hear all the time about parents falling out of love and losing connection over the years, but with Carlisle and Esme, and also with Phil and Renee, it seems like their love just grows stronger each year. I've never seen two couples more in love than my two sets of parents. It gives me a sliver of hope that love is actually possible, not just some fairytale idea made up my over-imaginative people.

Carlisle notices my untouched plate and scowls at me before Alice steals his attention. I look over and see Alice glancing over at me quickly. She did it on purpose, stealing his attention away from my plate. I smile gratefully at her even though she is busy trying to distract Carlisle.

I slowly break apart the juicy chicken with my fork and I see Jasper slowly take his fork and steal some of the food, putting it on his plate. I look over at him with the same expression I sent Alice's way. I've never had so many people try and help me out at the same time before. It's kind of nice. Maybe there is hope for Alice, after all.

Once Carlisle is successfully distracted, he looks back at me, so I take a small piece of chicken and put it in my mouth, making it look like I've been eating all along. He seems pleased by the broken down plate and finally lets everyone leave the table. I push Jasper away once he starts to follow me and Carlisle into the kitchen and tell him to go in the living room with the Alice and Edward.

Carlisle has a perfectly working dishwasher, but when I lived here, we would always do the dished by hand every night. It was a time where we could talk about whatever or do our work silently, just simply being close to each other. I never told him, but I think he knew that it meant a lot to me that he wanted to actually spend time with me.

After getting all of the dishes into the sink, we set to work. After a moment filled with the sound of sloshing water, he slightly turns to me and speaks.

"A friend of mine told me that there is an open-mic night tomorrow in Port Angeles. Will you go?"

I stop rinsing the plate that I'm holding and stare at him.

"I can't do that!"

"Why exactly not?" he raises an eyebrow at me, clearly wanting me to do this.

I think for a moment, going back to doing the dishes. There is no way that I could prepare a song in time for tomorrow, right? I don't have a decent song completely finished and it lately I haven't been able to find any inspiration for songs. I get an idea, then. Jasper has always written the most amazing songs…maybe he could help me. But am I even ready to sing in front of people, even if most of them are strangers? _Maybe_ I could if it was dark and I couldn't make out faces, but it could be bright in the room and I could see the possible looks of disappointment from people. It would be safest for me to just not do it. Not risk embarrassment. But then the nagging voice returns to me.

You need to do this. It will be good for you and it will be out of your comfort zone, which you need expand.

With my mind made up by the nagging voice, I answer Carlisle.

"I'll do it," I peak over at him and see his wide smile.

"This will be good for you, Bella." I see the twinkle in his eyes and wonder if he has a hidden agenda in my singing. I push the thought aside and count on the fact that Carlisle would never do anything to hurt me.

We finish our work and he heads into his office to do paperwork while I head to the living room to join the rest of the gang.

I walk in the living room; looking out the giant windows covering the entire outside wall and notice it's starting to get dark. Jasper is sprawled out on the comfy main couch with Alice lying on her stomach on the couch/chair type thing to the left of the couch. Edward is sitting in one of the chairs to the right of the couch. I decide to sit with Jasper on the couch, since it's the most comfortable.

I nudge his legs apart and settle myself between them, sitting with my back to the couch so I'm sideways on him. I look over and see Edward's face, disappointment laced all over it. I smile at him and shake my head slightly, trying to tell him that my position means nothing.

He relaxes slightly. I've never had a guy get possessive or outwardly jealous over me before. At least I think that's what he is. I normally have no problem reading guys, but with Edward, it's like everything is backwards and opposite than the norm. It's surprisingly refreshing, rather than being annoying.

Alice turns up the TV, making it impossible to communicate with Edward without being annoying. Instead, I turn to Jasper. "I'm doing an open-mic tomorrow." I wait for his reaction.

He looks over at me surprised, but excited. Before he can say anything, I ask him if I can use one of his songs.

He thinks for a moment. "If you really need to, you can. But why don't you write something so it's more about you?"

"I don't have anything written and I can't write lately," I explain.

"What if we worked together tonight? If push comes to shove, we can customize a song of mine, but I think it would me more special if you sang something that you took part in writing." Jasper is right, of course.

I agree with him, but before I can ask what house we're working at, Alice turns the TV on mute. "Did I just hear correctly? Are you doing an open-mic?" She asks, probably already knowing the answer, just wanting to build up her excitement even more.

I nod my head.

Alice jumps up on the couch thingy she's sitting on and claps her hands like an over-excited child. Let me rephrase that…and claps her hands like Alice.

"Oh my God! That's so exciting! I didn't know that you sang! Are you a soprano or an alto? I'm a soprano, but we're not talking about me…I was going to ask you what you were going to wear, but I know it will be fabulous. You have like, the best style in Forks. By the way, you should definitely tell me where you got that dress, 'cause it's amazing."

It took me a moment to actually hear the words she said.

"I'm an alto…and thanks?" I think I answered correctly…

Before she can say anything else, I intervene.

"Just drop it, please. I don't want to get too excited or nervous." I look at her pleadingly, hoping she will listen to me for once.

She closes her mouth before pantomiming locking her mouth shut and throwing the key at Edward. Edward mock dodges the key and rolls his eyes at his sister. We watch TV for a bit longer before Jasper nudges me, silently asking if we can leave.

We get up and say goodbye to the Cullen's. I lock eyes with Edward, having a mini-moment of sorts. Alice gets up and hugs me enthusiastically, telling me to call her tomorrow so she can wish me luck. I actually hug her back and promise to call her.

I let Jasper say goodbye to Alice and turn in the direction of Carlisle's office. I knock on the door and wait for him to let me know it's all good to come in. I open the door and stick my head inside.

"We're leaving now," he gestures for me to enter and gets out of this chair to come and hug me. He kisses my temple before releasing me.

"By the way, I know that you didn't eat at dinner. You need to start eating, Bells." He looks at me expectantly, which earns an embarrassed flush from me.

I say goodbye to him and meet Jasper in front of the door. He hands me my jacket and puts his own on before we head out to my house.

Once at my house, we head upstairs and into my room to get to work.

For the next three hours, we work constantly with no breaks. Around the three hour mark, I stop and look at the paper. We got the lyrics down perfectly. The song has everything I want to say in it and it has a nice feel to it. He plays a few chords on my guitar, adding them to the sheet music. He hands me the paper and my guitar before settling in his chair.

I play the song fully and smile at the end.

We did it. We wrote the perfect song in just three hours that I'm going to perform in front of actual people tomorrow.

That night, for the first time in a long time, I go to bed feeling optimistic that I'm actually going to get a chance to make my dreams come true. Even if it is just in a Port Angeles bar, I feel like this is my shot.

I better not fuck this up.


	16. Chapter 16

**I don't own any of the songs used in this chapter, nor the reality shows mentioned. Oh, and I don't own Twilight, either.**

**If you don't watch Jersey Shore (sadly, I love/hate the show) then you probably won't understand the reference to GTL in the beginning-ish of this chapter. The guys in the Jersey Shore house have something they like to call GTL – Gym, Tan, Laundry. They use it like their bible and do it religiously. **

**I'm also sorry about the weird spaces in the story. My format doesn't like to cooperate with fanfiction, and I'm just too damn lazy to fix it, so I'm sorry if it bothers you.**

**Reviews are nice, yes?**

"What's up bitches?" Emmett's loud voice yells out once he enters my house unannounced.

Jasper and I are sitting on my couch, with him being his usual calm and collected while I pretend to mimic him. On the inside, though, I'm freaking the fuck out. My nerves were in full force when I woke up this morning. I didn't get much time to freak out; as Jasper came over once I responded to his good morning text.

I know his purpose for coming over was to calm me and support me, and usually it works…but today is the exception. We just chilled in my room for a little while, him humming a soft tune that had a lot of emotion in it. I was going to ask him what it was, but just as I was going to, he announced he was hungry so we went and got him breakfast from Lauren's kitchen.

After eating, we moved to the living room, where he flipped channels until landing on some award show rerun. I actually paid attention to it, but my focus was quickly deterred by thoughts of tonight. What if tonight leads to another night, which leads to another, which leads to me winning a silver or gold trophy like the people on the screen? The thought is enough so excite, yet scare the shit out of me.

Why did I agree to do this tonight? I feel like I'm ready to implode with all the nerves. I don't think I've ever been so nervous for something as much as I am right now. Well, I guess that's not completely true. The morning after James beat me for the first time, I sat in my room, frozen with fear and nerves. I remember wondering if he was going to do it again or if it was safe to come out of my room. I didn't leave the room all day and spent most of the time in the connected bathroom, puking my guts out.

Thankfully, I'm not puking this time. I probably would be if I had food in my stomach, but I chose to not eat with Jasper. He's going to make me eat later, I just know it. I may or may not do what he says and he will just have to deal with it.

Emmett jumps on the chair across from where we are, bouncing up and down like a puppy.

"Do you ever calm down?" I ask through a laugh. He's like the male version of Alice. Emmett just snorts and steals the remote from the glass coffee table.

After about a half hour of Emmett flipping channels like a child with ADHD, I head upstairs. The boys stay downstairs to presumably fight to the death over dominance of the remote.

I take my laptop out from its place next to my vanity once I reach my room and hop up on my bed. I log into Facebook on a whim and almost instantly, I hear the tell tale sound that someone started a chat with me.

**Edward Cullen**

How are you feeling?

I'm not dumb, so I know he's talking about my nerves.

**Bella Swan**

Nervous as hell.

**Edward Cullen**

You're going to be great.

**Bella Swan**

That's what I'm shooting for.

**Edward Cullen**

Would you mind if I came tonight?

**Bella Swan**

No.

**Edward Cullen**

No as in I can't come, or no as in you don't mind?

**Bella Swan**

I don't mind – smartass.

**Edward Cullen**

Well, I try.

**Bella Swan**

And you succeed.

**Edward Cullen**

*fist pump*

**Bella Swan**

Are you turning into a Guido on me?!

**Edward Cullen**

GTL, baby.

**Bella Swan**

Don't make me kill you, Edward.

**Edward Cullen**

Psh, as if you could.

I laugh silently at his antics. But if only he knew that I actually know how to kill someone. I haven't done it before, but I convinced Phil and Renee to put me in martial arts classes after a few months living with them. It just made me feel better to have knowledge so I could protect myself. Plus, it built up some muscle that is good for…certain positions.

**Bella Swan**

I think the gel has gone to your head.

**Edward Cullen**

In all seriousness, though…what song are you going to do tonight?

**Bella Swan**

Just a song that Jasper and I wrote last night.

**Edward Cullen**

And the lyrics and song title would be….?

**Bella Swan**

None of your damn business.

**Edward Cullen**

None of your damn business – sounds like a hit.

**Bella Swan**

The shitty jokes have arrived! I was starting to get nervous.

**Edward Cullen**

Does my being incredibly funny/awesome bother you?

I snort loudly, which echoes in my room. I load up ITunes for some background noise and find a song that I haven't heard in a few days. Michael Buble's soft romantic song, "I Just Haven't Met You Yet" fills my speakers and I go back to Facebook while humming along with the song.

**Bella Swan**

It probably would…if that were actually true.

**Edward Cullen**

Ouch. You wound me, Bella.

**Bella Swan**

*smirk*

**Edward Cullen**

*rolls eyes*

**Bella Swan**

*hits Edward's face*

I take a second to stop and listen to Michael.

Wherever You Are  
Whenever It's Right  
You Come Out Of Nowhere and Into My Life

I laugh, realizing how closely related Michael's situation is with my own with Edward. I know what you feel, buddy. I look down at the clock on my laptop and sigh. Emmett's going to have to eat soon. I pick up my phone and call Lauren's line.

"¿Hola chica bonita, qué necesita usted?" **(Hello pretty girl, what do you need?)** Lauren's voice sings through the phone.

"El alimento de la necesidad de Emmett pronto." **(Emmett's going to need food soon.)** I reply in Spanish. I'm slowly getting better at the language. I don't need to say much more than that. She's been around Emmett long enough to know that he has regular feeding times like his native animal, the bear.

She replies, telling me that she already has food cooling in the kitchen for him and Jasper. I decide I should go downstairs and hangout with Emmett since I haven't been able to do so recently. I return back to Edward on Facebook first.

**Bella Swan**

I have to make sure Emmett eats soon or all of humanity will suffer.

**Edward Cullen**

Should I be afraid?

**Bella Swan**

Run as far as you can, Edward.

With this, I log off with a smile and a new hopeful spirit. I don't know what it is about Edward, but he always seems to get me in a good mood, whether it's his joking or his free laugh.

I head down the stairs and into the living room, where I can hear Emmett mumbling to himself while gradually getting louder.

"Food, food, food, food, food, food…" I laugh, which catches his attention. I nod towards the kitchen with a smile on my face and his face lights up.

Jasper lazily gets up from the couch, while Emmett nearly knocks my chair over in his haste to get up quicker. I roll my eyes and jump on Jasper's back so he can carry me to the kitchen.

He sets me down once we're in the kitchen. Emmett, being the oaf that he is, already has an enchilada in his mouth when we arrive. I roll my eyes once more at my best friend and hop on the island to wait for them to finish eating.

Eight enchiladas from Emmett and three from Jasper later, they finally stop shoving food into their mouths.

"You need to eat before tonight, Bella. Having no food in your stomach will only make the nerves worse." Jasper scolds me and looks at me pointedly. I sigh and pick up one of the remaining enchiladas. I put it down a second later, the greasy food holding no interest for me.

"Emmett," I call. "Throw me an apple, would you?" I ask as he raids my fridge for even more food. He takes one and throws it to me. I catch the shiny red apple with surprising ease and eat it dramatically for Jasper. Once I'm finished, I look at the clock hanging on the wall.

4:34

I mumble to Jasper and Emmett that I'm going to get ready and head upstairs. I decide to take a shower first, but while normally they relax me, this shower was fast and quick like my nerves.

I get out and blow dry my hair, running a flat iron through it to make it straighter than straight. I head into my closet and sit on the chair overlooking the clothes. What does one wear when going to their first open mic night? I look through my shirts, none of them really sticking out, before looking at my trusty dresses. I look at each dress individually, knowing that once I see it, it will scream at me.

After what seems like hours, but is probably mere minutes, I finally find it. I take it down from the rack and put the hanger in the bin towards my feet. The dress is strapless, with a deep purple color from bust to waist. From the waist down, it's a deep blue color covered with black lace and ruffles towards the bottom. It's a cute dress -- not too formal, but not too childish.

Once the dress is on, I walk over to my shoes. I don't know how I do it, but there always seems to be the perfect heels for each dress in my closet. It's a handy thing to have. I find black ankle boots that have just a hint of purple in them and a layered leaf pattern on the sides.

I head to my vanity to put on my standard makeup – black eyeliner and eye shadow with a hint of purple at the wings and nude lip gloss. I take a chance and put on some peach blush to give an illusion that my skin actually has some color naturally.

I grab one of my guitars, a blue one that almost matches the blue of my dress, and sit on the edge of my bed once I'm done and take a second to breathe. The last hour has been so crazy with getting ready, that I almost didn't remember what I was getting ready for in the first place. Almost.

I tune the guitar slowly, wanting it to be perfect. Once done, I softly stroke some chords and without even realizing it, I end up playing my song. Most people would think it to be just a coincidence, but I take it as a sign. A sign that I'm ready for this.

I stand up with a newfound confidence and head downstairs, guitar in hand. Once on the first floor, I turn left into the living room, earning a low whistle from my favorite cowboy.

They both stand and come up to me, Jasper kissing me on the cheek and telling me that I look beautiful, and Emmett just steals my guitar. Em holds the instrument awkwardly and starts playing random chords.

"You can stand under my umbrella Bella –ella –eh –eh –eh…" he sings while murderously strumming my guitar.

It breaks the ice that my nerves have somehow managed to put up again and the three of us laugh at his antics. Even with all of the craziness that is my best friend, he is just that…my best friend.

After he stops subjecting us to brain damage, we grab our coats from the closet and get into my car. The drive is filled with my Muse playlist and thankfully Emmett just bobs his head from his spot in the passenger seat, and doesn't actually sing.

When we reach the half-way mark, I notice Jasper texting someone on his phone in the backseat.

"Who's that?" I ask, nodding to his phone when he looks up at me through the rearview mirror.

"Alice," he mumbles, probably embarrassed that he got caught,. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the road for the rest of the drive.

Once we get into Port Angles, I have no problem navigating to the bar, as I've been there several times over the past two years. I park in the parking lot of the bar and turn off the engine. The three of us sit in silence for a minute as I try to collect myself. This could change my life. I could get booed off stage, suffering a massive ego wound that would probably make me stronger later in life, or they could love me and inflate my ego. It doesn't really need to get any bigger, but either way, I will know that I did this and I did it willingly.

With my new piece of knowledge in my head, I get out, Jasper and Emmett following me. Jasper grabs my guitar for me, so I thank him before opening the door. We're hit with smells of alcohol and the sounds of an average singer on stage with his keyboard. The audience doesn't love it, but they don't hate it. Maybe I do have a chance, after all.

I wave to Garrett, the bartender on my way over to the sign up table. I sign my name on one of the lines, noticing that about twenty people have already signed up. I take a seat at the bar and wait my turn while Jasper and Emmett head somewhere, probably the bathroom or something.

"Hey Bells. You want your usual?" Garrett asks me once I sit down.

"Definitely," The drink will help my nerves and relax me. Garrett knows I'm underage, but he made me a deal after he caught me in the bar a while ago with a fake ID. I'm aloud to drink here, but only if Garrett is the bartender and he gets to control how much I drink. I'm also not allowed to drink unless I have a DD, which I always do, 'cause driving drunk is plain stupid. Yes, this is illegal, but Garrett is a twenty six year old who knows what it was like for him ten years ago, so he sympathizes.

He hands me a Jack and Coke, my favorite drink of all time and I slowly sip it. I look around and don't see Edward anywhere, which I try not to let bother me. It does, though, so I start nursing my drink a bit faster. Garrett coughs from behind me, warning me about how fast I'm drinking, so I slow it down again.

Jasper and Emmett come and join me a few minutes later. I'm too keyed up to ask where they went, so I just don't. Jasper gets his usual Corona from Garrett while Emmett sits back and assumes the DD position. Thank God he's doing it, cause I don't think this is going to be my last drink of the night.

Before I know it, I'm up next on stage. With one quick look around the bar, I don't see Edward, Alice, or Carlisle. I must have frowned, because Jasper gathers me in a hug, calming me.

"Don't worry about it, Bells. Just go up there and sing your little heart out." He kisses my temple and gently pushes me towards the stage, with guitar in hand.

I walk up the few steps to the little stage and sit down on the chair in front of the mic. The bar erupts in whistles and hollers, probably due to my short dress and long-looking legs thanks to the heels. I didn't dress to look like a whore, and I don't believe I do, but every woman knows that men can be manipulated with a little leg. I start to think that it was a bad choice to wear a short dress, since I want the focus to be on my talent, but I push the thought out of my head. My talent will shine on its own.

I sit down and cross my legs, setting the guitar on my lap comfortably, before speaking into the mic.

"My name is Bella, and this is a song I wrote." I say simply, not wanting to ramble. I blush at my awkward opening and take a deep breath before starting. My fingers strum the guitar and as soon as I hear the sound, I'm deep into the music.

_And now the sun is rising  
And now the long walk back home  
There's just so many faces  
But no one I need to know_

The story of my life in Forks. There are so many faces here that don't care about me for me, just for the way I look or how much money is in the bank. I'm tired of dealing with these people.

_In the dark I can't fight it,_

_I fake 'til I'm numb,  
But in the bright light,  
I taste you on my tongue_

I didn't tell Jasper, but I wrote this song for one person and one person only. I didn't even realize I was writing about him until the end of the song and I read the words over again. I head into the chorus now, trying to convey my emotions freely with the lyrics.

_Now the party's over  
And every bodies gone  
I'm left here with myself and I wonder what went wrong  
And now my heart is broken  
Like the bottles on the floor  
Does it really matter?  
Or am I just hung over you?  
Ah ah ah, ah ah ah  
Or am I just hungover?_

I lost count of how many times I've left a party or woken up the next day feeling empty. Sure, I've left parties with guys before, but they never knew my name. They never wanted to. I know now that even then, I wanted someone to be with me every night, not just some random fuck.

_Even my dirty laundry  
Everything just smells like you  
And now my head is throbbing  
Every song is out of tune  
Just like you  
In the dark I can't fight it 'til it disappears  
But in the daylight  
I taste you in my tears_

I repeat the chorus, so into the song that I don't notice a certain persons red hair coming closer to the stage

_And now the party's over,  
And every bodies gone  
I'm left here with myself and I wonder what went wrong  
And now my heart is broken  
Like the bottles on the floor  
Does it really matter?  
Or am I just hung over you?_

I enter the bridge,my voice getting even stronger and louder, wanting the audience to know how I feel and to understand.

_Now I've got myself looking like a mess  
Standing alone  
Hear at the end try to pretend but no,  
I put up my fight  
But this is it this time  
Cause I'm here at the end, tryin' to pretend  
Here at the end, tryin' to pretend  
Oh, ohhh_

The last chorus, I let loose and just let the music take over. I get so into it that I repeat the ending chorus twice, but it works for the song.

_And now the party's over,  
And every bodies gone  
I'm left here with myself and I wonder what went wrong  
And now my heart is broken  
Like the bottles on the floor  
Does it really matter?  
Or am I just hung over you?  
Ah ah ah, ah ah ah  
Or am I just hungover?_

Once the song ends, I take the second of silence to let out a deep breath. What happened next, I didn't quite expect.

The entire bar starts clapping, even the customers at the bar who weren't even listening to the previous singers when I was at the bar. The claps and hollers are loud, which causes me to blush furiously while smiling a big smile.

"Thanks," I smile at everyone and get off the chair with guitar in hand. I step down the stairs, needing a drink after such a high from performing.

I didn't even feel nervous after I started the song. I just let the music take me and bend me to what it wanted. It was like being numb, but feeling everything multiplied by ten. The feeling is something that I've never had before, but I want to have many times in the future.

Being distracted, I don't even notice the person standing right in front of the stairs. I run into them, but instead of them just steadying me and going on their way, they wrap their arms around me. I almost kicked the idiot's ass, but then for some reason, I just knew who it was.

"Bella," my Adonis whispers.

I pull back to look up in his green eyes. As soon as our eyes lock, our mouths do as well. I don't even know who initiated the kiss, but I don't really care. My arms rise to Edward's shoulders and hold him down to me while his grip tighter around my waist. He tastes like tobacco and something distinctly Edward. After a moment, we pull apart with a few soft kisses and I open my eyes to look at him again.

His green eyes are already fixed on mine, putting more butterflies in my stomach. I smile at him, in the greatest mood that I can ever remember feeling. His smile matches my own as he gently squeezes my waist.

I realize that the entire bar just witnessed our kiss and I quickly turn towards them. Edward chuckles slightly before whispering to me.

"There aren't any lights on the stage, Bella. No one can see us." I sigh in relief, resting my head on his chest.

After a moment, he takes my hand and leads me back to the bar where it seems like my little party has formed. Jasper is sitting at the bar with an arm around Alice, Emmett next to Rosalie who is next to Alice, with Carlisle by Emmett with a man that I've never seen before.

I feel everyone's eyes on my hand, which is still in Edward's. Surprisingly, I don't care, just going with the flow of things.

After a beat of silence, they all congratulate me at once. Since I'm unable to distinguish each voice, I just nod and thank them.

Carlisle hushes everyone and turns back to me. "Bella, this is my friend that I was telling you about." He gestures to the handsome man next to him. He's older, probably in his fifties, but his hair blonde hair only has a tiny bit of grey at the temples. He holds his hand out to mine to shake, so I put my hand in his.

"Marcus, this is Bella, obviously." Carlisle chuckles.

"Bella, you have an amazing voice for such a young girl," Marcus says with a small Italian accent.

I blush. "Thank you." I smile at him and drop his hand, stepping back closer to Edward.

Carlisle speaks up then. "Alright kids, everyone outside for a second." He orders with a gentle, yet strong voice. He looks over at me, clearly telling me to stay inside. I'm confused, but do as he says. I can tell the others are as confused as I am, except for Edward, who just squeezes my hand slightly and leads everyone out.

Once everyone leaves, it's just Carlisle, Marcus, and I. I clear my throat, wanting to know what the hell is going on.

Marcus smiles at me. "Bella, I work for Dawning Records." He says, earning a confused look from me. I've never heard of them before.

"We're just starting as an independent label and I think you're the perfect talent that we've been looking for."

My mind reels for a moment. _Independent label_? _Perfect artist_? Holy fucking shit, they want to sign me to a label?! My eyes widen and my mouth drops open, earning a chuckle from both of the men. I have a suspicion that his is a giant joke to lessen my ego.

"No, Bella." Carlisle cuts in. "This is not a trick." He smiles at me, excited. I mull it over for a second, thankful that Carlisle and Marcus aren't talking a mile a minute and letting me have some time to digest everything.

I've always wanted to get signed, ever since I realized I had an above average voice and rhythm. But I always thought I would just go to California and audition the hell out of the town once I was done with high school. Am I ready to do something this big when I'm not even out of high school? Hell, I'm not even in my Senior year yet.

While the cons probably outweigh the pros in some people's minds, I know in my heart that this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life and these things don't just happen to ordinary people off the street. I'm extremely lucky and blessed with Carlisle. No ordinary father figure would go out of their way to make their daughters dream come true like this.

"So Bella, are you interested?" Marcus asks me, hopeful.

"Is the sky blue?" I ask rhetorically.

"I take it that that's a yes?" Carlisle asks, just as hopeful as Marcus.

"_Hell _yes!"

**The song that Bella sings is originally very computerized and electric, but I imagined it acoustic. If you can do the same, here's the link.**

**http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=BQKdxvaVbcE**

**Also, if you want to see what Bella's outfit was, (as I'm sure that my description really lacks) come find the forum over in the AU-AH Twilighted forum. It's lonely over there :( **

**Reviews are nice, yes?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey guys. Sorry it took me so long to update...Real Life is kicking my ass harder than ever before and it's been tough.**

**I don't know when the next chapter will be, but hopefully you wont have to wait this long for an update, yes? **

**Come look at my Tumblr (it's like Twitter, but with pictures) for this story. It has pictures of outfits, houses, suprise guests, etc. **

**There's also a forum on Twilighted(dot)net that will be deleted shortly if I don't get any responses, so come talk to me?**

**I don't own Twilight. That's S.M's**

**I do own Smiley-Face Ray Ban's, though. Boo-Yah.**

"You bitch! How_ could_ you!?" I yell as she throws another pair into the garbage bag.

She just laughs her tiny soprano laugh and rolls her eyes at me. I love those shoes! I've only worn them once and even if they aren't in style anymore, I wanted to keep them until the trend became popular again. Let's face it, almost every trend repeats itself. Thigh high boots will return, I just know it.

"You would look like a hooker if you ever wore these in public, Bella. Calm the fuck down and go in the other room if you're going to act like a little bitch about it." Alice's stern voice bites at me. Well, _excuse_ me.

I glare at her and stay rooted in my position – the chair in the corner of my closet. There's no way I'm letting her riffle through my closet unsupervised. No freaking way.

Alice merely turns back to my massive shelving unit holding my shoes. So massive in fact, she's currently standing on a chair in order to reach the top few shelves. She makes a gagging sound before shoving every shoe off of one shelf. I almost kick the back of her knees, which would result in her face planting into a pair of shoes she actually approved, but once I see the shoes she shoved, I approve of her decision.

I've never like ballet flats, either.

After ten more minutes of her going through my shoes, she moves to my purses. I huff at most of her discarded choices. I don't see why I can't keep my clothes and accessories for now. I was planning on getting rid of them once I ran out of room…but I guess I was a little overdue in cleaning out my closet. Still, it's hard to see my most favorite possessions getting thrown out so nonchalantly.

Two hours later, Alice has four garbage bags filled and she has successfully gone through my entire closet. I glare at her until I look behind her at the clean closet. My closet has always been organized with no piece of clothing in the wrong place, but there's actually _room_ in there now.

"You know what this means, right?" Alice asks excitedly while opening her phone to text someone.

I shoot her a wary glance, unsure of anything Alice has planned.

"Shopping!" She closes her phone and claps her hands together, reminiscent of a fairy on crack.

--

The next day, we're shopping on Rodeo Drive. We weren't supposed to go to California until Wednesday, but since Alice wants to complete the whole 'Get Bella a New Closet" plan, we arrived on Tuesday.

It's like we took the only good things in Forks and brought them all to Los Angeles. Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, and Carlisle are here for me. But the best part of coming to Los Angeles a day early is the fact that I get to spend extra time with Edward before my life gets 'crazy' as Carlisle put it.

Oh, did I forget to put Edward in that list of my family? Well, he has quickly established himself a part of my little group. The same for his meddling pixie of a sister. Ever since I 'turned a new leaf' they have always been around me. Especially in the past nine days.

Yep, it was just nine days ago that I sang at the open mic night in Port Angeles. Apparently Marcus wants to get the contract signed extremely soon -- the point of the meeting tomorrow – and get me in the recording studio as soon as possible, as well. I don't know why we had to come all the way down to California, but the trip offers some shopping time, so I'm not complaining.

It's just Alice, Edward, Jasper, and I shopping, though. The rest of the group wanted to kick it at the hotel, Carlisle probably reading or doing medical things while Rosalie and Emmett have loud sexy times. No matter how many times they are reminded to shut the fuck up, they never keep it down.

Alice makes some comment about wanting to go in a souvenir shop, which I kindly shut down. "But I want to get something, Bella! I've never been to California before!" She pouts at me, which I of course relent to.

"Fine," I roll my eyes at her. "But I'm not going. I've been to California many times and I have no need for a tacky souvenir…Renee has enough of those." I roll my eyes at my crazy mother with her mantel filled with knick-knacks. I miss her…I wish she was here.

Renee decided to run off with Phil to Vegas for the week while his team has some time off. Now it's sort of routine for them to do crazy things that sometimes aren't the best decisions as parents, but they are who they are and I love them for it. I have Carlisle here with me, and that's just as good as Renee and Phil.

Alice pouts at me again. "But I don't want to go alone!" She stomped her foot. An almost grown ass woman just stomped her foot on Robertson Boulevard because of a souvenir. What the hell have I gotten into hanging out with hooligans such as Alice Cullen?

Jasper, the life-saver that he is, speaks up. "I'll go with you darlin'. I saw something in the shop that looked cool." Even though he added the darlin' comment, I can see his bluff. Jasper hates shopping. Any form of shopping at all. He's doing this to get her off of my back to create less stress for me. Well, that and he wants to flirt with her some more. I'm pretty sure the former explanation is the one that's on the forefront of his brain at this very moment.

I smile my thanks towards him, earning a wink from him. I turn to Edward to see what he wants to do.

"I think I'll go with Bella," he says simply. I smile wider, pleased that he still wants to hang out with me. For some reason, I felt like he wouldn't want to hang out with me yesterday. It may be unreasonable, but I felt like he wouldn't like me because of everything that has happened. I don't even know if he likes me, anyway. He hasn't said anything…but no one kisses someone like he kissed me if they aren't interested.

I'm taken out of my musings when Edward grabs my elbow, leading me down the street. I look back and see Alice and Jasper already walking in the opposite direction.

"So…where to?" Edward asks, peering down at me through his Ray Ban sunglasses. It bugs me that I can't see his gorgeous eyes, but the glasses suit him…and make me want to jump him in the middle of a crowded street.

I blush at the fantasy and answer him. "Hmm. I don't know. You want to go in a store or two and browse or something?"

"Sounds perfect," Edward smiles at me and drops his hand from my elbow. I suddenly miss the contact and stop walking, confused. Once he notices that I'm no longer in stride with him, he stops and takes the few steps to get back to me with a worried brow.

"Why did you drop your hand?" I ask him, probably sounding like a child with my tone.

He stutters, "I…I didn't know you…wanted me to."

I boldly take his hand in mine and he twines his fingers with my own. He looks at our hands, then back at me and smiles crookedly. I return the smile with one of my own and start walking again.

I don't know why I stopped when he dropped his hand. I don't know why I asked him why. I don't know why I'm being such a little girl around him.

I do know that I love holding hands with him. I love talking with him, which is different since I can hardly talk with anyone else. I love that even though he may think I'm crazy, he still talks to me as if I'm completely normal. I may even love him a little bit.

Whoa. Stop the fucking train. _Love?_ I'm supposed to be an independent woman and this fucking Adonis is changing everything. I trip over something that I'm not paying attention to, but Edward pulls on our intertwined hands, keeping me upright.

Jesus Christ, a fucking train could run me over right now and I probably wouldn't even notice it. Bella Swan does _not_ fall in love. Sure, I love my family. But I'm not in love with anyone…or so I thought.

With the panic rising in me, I reach into my purse and pull out a pill. I may or may not have taken a few extra the morning after the open mic night incident…I was freaking the fuck out when I realized that I didn't dream it, so I reasonably took a few.

Edward looks at me quizzically when he notices that I swallow the pill dry. I hate tasting them dry, but I don't have any water so I'll just have to deal with it. I shake my head at him, hoping he will drop it.

Thankfully, he does and we keep walking. After a minute or two, the pill takes effect and my body calms down. I take a deep breath and look to Edward. He smiles at me, which I return before looking down to the ground to make sure I won't trip again.

After we pass a few stores that don't hold my interest, we reach Alice & Olivia – a high end boutique that most of my closet is from. I tug on Edward's hand and lead us into the store. I start browsing with Edward by my side like a faithful puppy. He's much cuter than the puppy, though.

On one of the racks, I find a black strapless two-tiered piece that reminds me of a tu-tu type of dress. The bust has an interesting design made of some silver beaded material. I hold it up to my body and turn to Edward, seeking his input.

"It would look amazing on you," he says with a smile, taking his shades and resting them on top of his crazy bronze hair.

"You think?" I look at it again and see him nod out of the corner of my eye. I don't look at the price tag as I drape it over my arm, not caring how much it is. Edward though, is curious.

"You're not going to look at the price tag?"

I look back at him. "No. I like the dress, so I'm going to get it. Money isn't an issue, really." I don't mean to sound conceited or anything, it's just the truth. With Phil's job and Carlisle constantly slipping money into my account without my knowledge, I won't run out of money quickly.

He just nods and looks outside, where a bunch of photographers have gathered outside of the door. I look around the store and see no celebrities in the store with us.

"Wonder what they are here for?" I ask to no one in particular.

"No idea. Maybe they can smell talent, which led them to you?" he jokes, bumping my shoulder softly. I scoff, and take one last look outside before going back to my browsing.

Paparazzi would be nice, I muse. Not the Britney Spears type of coverage, but the thought of my face on covers of magazines is a thrilling thought.

After I take a few more things off the racks that look promising, I head to the dressing room while Edward patiently waits for me on one of the slick chairs facing the spacious rooms.

I try on and show him every piece, telling him to be brutally honest. Out of the four dresses I tried on, two of them he didn't like. I liked them better on the rack and agreed with him, but I wanted to show him the dresses anyway.

I end up purchasing the first dress I found and a long sleeved black dress with cut outs on the arms. I swipe my AmEx to pay for the $664.62 total and head out. Before we leave the store, Edward takes my left hand in his and rubs his thumb across the back of my hand. I smile and look towards the ground. No matter how many times he grabs my hand, I will always get the giddy feeling like it's the first.

We walk out into the throng of about ten photographers. They hold up their cameras but don't take any pictures once they see my face. I almost want to apologize for them, knowing they probably could have found someone worthy of a magazine cover a few stores down.

They make way for Edward and me as we head down the street more.

"Sorry if this is the most boring day of your life," I glance up at Edward, noticing he put his Ray Ban's back on his face again. Drool.

"I'm with you, Bella. Trust me, I'm not bored at all when I'm with you." He says with a sincere tone, which makes me blush.

We head into Reiss – a business boutique – and I immediately spot an electric blue long trench coat. I walk over to it, practically dragging Edward by the hand. Edward comments that the color would look great on me, so I grab it and throw it on and what do you know? It fits perfectly.

I purchase that coat and a similar looking one that has more buttons in a navy blue color. When browsing, I noticed Edward eyeing a white leather jacket with asymmetrical zippering across it in the men's section of the store. I claim that I dropped something in the front of the store and being the gentleman that he is, he goes and searches for it.

While he's off looking for an imaginary object, I grab the jacket and purchase it as well. I know most guys don't like then a girl buys them something, so I decided not to ask and just do it. I want to do something nice for him. He deserves someone to buy a coat for him. Plus, I know he will look amazing in it, so it's also an excuse for me to stare at him. Sounds like a win-win situation to me!

I pay the total, $1,696.00, and when the clerk hands me the bag, Edward returns stating he couldn't find the object. I shrug and say I must have not brought it with me, which sounds like bullshit, but he doesn't notice.

Our last stop is True Religion, one of the best jean brands. I pick out a few pairs of jeans that look promising and since I'm wearing a dress and not a shirt, I grab a simple black v-neck so I'm not topless when I come out and show him the selections. After changing into each pair in the dressing rooms, I end up picking out two pairs with Edward's approval – a black skinny jean with stylish rips strategically placed along the legs and a bright white jean both totaling at $466.4.

We head to the men's section after this and find gray slightly skinny jeans for Edward that is sure to make him look even more amazing than normal, and a blue jean that is slightly distressed. He tries them on and shows them to me like I did to him and I was correct with the gray jeans. They make his ass look amazing.

He pays for the two pairs, spending $522.58. He takes his bags and we head out of the store, noticing that down the road there is a swarm of photographers yelling at someone. I can't see who they are yelling at, since there are so many photographers, but it has to be someone important.

We head in the opposite direction, not wanting to get caught up in that mess. I feel my phone vibrating in my bag, so I take my phone out and see a text from Jasper in my inbox saying that they are done and are in front of The Ivy, a cute little restaurant not far from us.

I text back and tell them we're on our way and put my phone back in my purse.

"Have I told you that you look amazing today?" Edward asks while grabbing my hand again.

"Once or twice," I smile at him. I do have to agree, though. I picked out a cream colored sleeveless pleated dress with brown ruffles at the bottom paired with a brown belt with a large flower on it. It ends a little lower than normal, landing a few inches above my knee. I paired the soft colors with an interesting brown flat shoe that wraps around my ankle and has two cute little charms hanging from one of the fringes.

We walk in comfortable silence to our friends, soaking in the California sun. Once we reach them, Alice squeals at the amount of shopping bags we have.

"Oh my gosh! What did you guys get? Anything good?"

I make a tisk-tisk sound. "Alice, you should know that I only buy the best." I roll my eyes at her, letting her know I'm kidding. It is sort of true, but I don't say that out loud.

She just smiles at me before rapidly talking again. "I want to go see a movie! Do you think we could see anything? Port Angeles has like…four movies showing and I bet California has like…a thousand!"

I laugh at her exuberance, along with Jasper and Edward. "I doubt they have a thousand, Alice." Edward corrects her.

Alice chooses to ignore him and pulls out her phone to call Carlisle. We wait while she repeats him as he rattles off the movies that are playing. Once Carlisle is done with the list and Alice is finished repeating him, she tells him to hang on a second and looks at us pointedly.

I stay silent while the three of them pick Yes Man! with Jim Carrey. They decide to go to the 4:15 showing at a theater a few blocks down from where we currently are. Alice hangs up the phone and looks at me before her eyes widen.

"You didn't have a say in it, Bella!" She sounds so worried about it, I have to smile.

"I think I'm going to go back to the hotel and hang out for a while," I say, which makes their faces drop.

"No! We can do something else!" Alice tries to accommodate me.

"Honestly, guys. I just want to relax. You guys want to see the movie so you're going and that's that. I'm not letting any of you come back with me." I stare pointedly at them so they get the message loud and clear.

I make eye contact with Jasper, noticing his questioning stare. No doubt wondering if something is wrong. I shake my head and smile at him, letting him know that I truly just want to relax.

I may look calm and collected on the outside, but every time I think about tomorrow, I freak out a little. Honestly, who wouldn't? I'm meeting with record company executives who are considering adding me to their label. That's enough to freak the calmest person out, for sure.

A swim in the ocean and curling up in a comfy chair and reading a book sounds like the perfect medicine at the moment.

They finally let up and agree to my little change in the plans. They wait for me after I call a taxi to come pick me up. Once it arrives, I hug each of them and kiss Jazz on his cheek and get inside.

The ride is short and the cabbie doesn't say much, leaving me to look out of the window and smile at all of the couples. While most of them are orange from too much tanning and are completely plastic and trash, some of them are adorable….real looking couples enjoying the sun.

Once we arrive at the hotel, I pay the driver and head up to my room. Carlisle bought four rooms, one for him, one for Emmett and Rosalie, one for Edward and Alice, and one for me and Jasper. They all have amazing views of the beach and warm plush tones on the inside. I decide to do my original plan of taking a swim in the ocean and reading a book.

I skip over to the armoire that I put my clothes in this morning and tap my lip in thought, trying to decide what bathing suit to wear. Since I never see the sun in Forks and it always stays under 50 degrees, I don't get to use a bathing suit very often.

I pick out my black and white striped bikini top that has two bright yellow strings holding it up halter style and matching bottoms that have a vintage feel to them. They are also white and black stripes, but they have yellow ruffles around them. Renee picked this out for me when we went to New York last summer and I haven't worn it yet.

I grab a copy of Push by Sapphire and a big yellow fluffy towel before grabbing my sunglasses and a pair of flip flops. I'm almost out of the door when I turn around and grab a pair of short ripped jean shorts. They don't cover me much more than the bathing suit bottoms do, but they'll work.

Since the hotel is right on the water, it doesn't take me long to get to the beach and find a spot. I slip my aviators on to cover my eyes from the harsh sun and lay my towel down before slipping my shorts and flip flops off and lying down on my stomach.

I flip my book open and start reading. After about an hour, I feel a shadow fall over me. I look up and see a gorgeous guy with tousled brown hair blocking my sun and looking down at me with a smile, showing off his blindingly white teeth.

What's better than his teeth, though, is the perfect six-pack abs further south. He's wearing a cream colored jacket type thing, which is confusing to me since it's almost ninety degrees. It doesn't really matter, since it looks good on him…and so do the dark wash jeans and bare feet he has going on.

"It's not very nice to block a girl's sun when she's trying to get some color," I point out to him, my voice flirty.

He chuckles and stays where he is. "I didn't even realize." His tone is sarcastic, his smile still in place. It's almost infectious, that smile.

"Is the spot next to you taken? I don't want to take any more of your sun, of course."

I roll my eyes at the cheesy line, even though he can't see with my sunglasses on.

"By all means…" I gesture to the spot next to me. He sits down with his knees bent to the right of me and looks over at me. I didn't notice before when he was standing, but he has a cute mole atop the right side of his mouth. It wouldn't really work on many people, but for him, it _definitely_ works.

"Traver," he introduces himself, holding his hand out.

I pull myself up to my elbows and reach my own hand out to his before introducing myself.

"Such a fitting name," His brown eyes stare into mine.

I take my sunglasses from my eyes and put them atop my head before turning to him and dramatically rolling my eyes.

"Do you know how many times I've heard that line?" I ask, my eyebrow raised.

He chuckles and shakes his head a little. "I figured. I had to try, though." He winks and looks out at the water for a second before looking back at me.

"So what brings you out to California?"

"How'd you know I'm visiting?" I ask.

"Only the tourists come to this end of the beach," he gestures to the beach before continuing, "and you look to naïve to be from around here."

I laugh and look at him, doubtful. "Trust me; I'm hardly naïve, Traver."

"Nah, I don't believe that. Look at you; you're not like the people out here."

"Seems like you have a bit of a problem with your natives…"

"There are all the same, you know? For instance, where would you go on a first date with someone?"

I blush and think of Edward immediately. "Somewhere you could talk, but have fun at the same time." I stare at him, wondering where he's going with this.

"Exactly! Now if I were to walk up to…_that_," he points to a bleached blond, orange-like-a-carrot 20-something year old, trying to pass for a teenager in a too-small bikini walking up and down the coast. "And ask her the same question; she would say Mr. Chow's or another 5 star restaurant where she wouldn't even eat."

I think about it for a moment, realizing that a month ago, I would have said a 5 star restaurant. Oh, how time changes things. Or certain families with the last name Cullen…

"Some people can surprise you," I say in defense of the carrot.

He shrugs his shoulders before a lighter expression crosses his face.

"So I'll pick you up at 5?" he asks, confusing the fuck out of me.

"What?"

"I want to take you out tonight. Somewhere we can talk but have fun." He quotes me from earlier.

I almost laugh in his face. He was smooth for the first portion of his conversation.

"Future advice, Traver…you might want to ask a girl out before you start making plans." A giggle slips unintentionally, and I slip my sunglasses back over my eyes.

He looks fazed for a second, his smile decreasing just a bit. I pull myself off my elbows and stand up, his eyes following my movements…particularly my legs as I brush the sand off of them.

I put my shorts on and pick up my towel. He stands up and tries to piece his delivery back together, only to stutter and have nothing coherent come out of his beautiful mouth.

After I gather all of my things, I turn to him and sigh. "You did well for the first part. Your delivery needs a bit of work though."

"Damn, I thought I was actually going to get you to go on a date with me," he smiles, seeming to let his fragile ego go for a second.

"Wouldn't have worked anyway…I got my eye on someone else." I shrug my apologies to him, hoping he can find some girl to lay tonight to help mend his poor ego.

"Tell you what," he grabs my hand and pulls a pen out from his jeans, writing his number on it. "Next time you're in my neck of the woods, give me a call and tell me how it works out for you. Maybe then my game won't suck so much."

"Walk me back to my hotel and I'll think about it," I counter, earning a smile from him. Once there, I give him a hug and wish him luck for tonight before rolling my eyes and heading up to the room.

I toss around ideas of putting on something nice and taking Edward out tonight, just the two of us. Maybe he could think of something more original for us to do. All I know is that I want to spend time with him…alone.

I get to the room to find Edward on my bed with a troubled expression on his face.

"Hey," I smile at him while putting my stuff away around the room. Once my arms are free and I don't get a response from him, I look over and see his expression still hasn't changed.

I walk over to the bed and sit next to him, still in my bikini and short-shorts. "What's wrong?"

"Who was that guy?" he asks, looking out the window.

It takes me a second to realize he means Traver.

"Traver? I met him on the beach." I say slowly, wondering what the hell Edward's problem is.

"Are you going to call him?" he grabs my arm that has Traver's numbers on it roughly, twisting it. I rip my hand from him, pissed that he would put his hands on me like that. I get up off the bed and stand next to the window.

"You really shouldn't have done that," I say, my voice low.

It takes a second for it to click in his head. When it does, his head snaps up and his mouth opens in an "o".

"Oh my God, Bella. I didn't mean to grab you like that, I swear." He gets up from the bed, but I back away from him, not wanting him to get closer to me.

"Yes you did," I look towards the door, and then back at him. "I think you should leave, Edward."

My voice sounds pathetic to my own ears. I never took Edward for a guy who had to physically do something in order to get his point across. He was always so gentle and loving on our date and whenever I was with him…I'm not sure I like this side of him. No, I know for a fact that I hate this side of him.

"Bel--"He tries, but I cut him off.

"Get the fuck out."

"Please, Bella."

I walk over to my bag and grab my cell phone, reading to call Carlisle for backup.

"No, please Bella. Let's just talk about this," he pleads with me.

I laugh at him, letting my phone drop back into my bag.

"Yeah, let's talk Edward. Let's talk about how you put your fucking hands on me. Were you not listening when I told you about my past? Or did that just go over your head?" I take a deep breath, not wanting to overdo it.

"Get the fuck out of my room, Edward, so help me God." If looks could kill, I'd be in jail for murder of a certain bronze haired fuck-face.

He gets off the bed and heads towards the door, not looking back at me. Once the door is closed, I collapse onto the bed and pull my purse to me, looking for my savior little bottle.

I take a few or more of my friends from the bottle and take them without water, wincing at the taste of chalk.

I lay back and wait for them to kick in, hating that Edward…EDWARD did this to me.

**Do you hate me? Review and tell me what you think!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello beautifuls! **

**Alright, so here's the new chappie. The wait wasn't too long, which makes me happy. I hope it makes you happy, too!**

**Some of this information I ****learned from my best friend (Wikipedia) and the other information I just bullshitted. If you are going through what Bella is going through in this chapter, I'm jealous and I would love to speak to you…but if not, don't harp on me for getting shit wrong. This is my fanfic and I will make up important information as I please.**

**Whoa, that sounded a bit bitchy…sorry duckys.**

**I'm going on a four hour road-trip tomorrow (February 27) so I can get an entire new wardrobe and I have all that time to ignore my homework and write this! The same amount of time driving back on Sunday will surely put me in a good position to post a new chapter by the end of the week, sound good?**

**I don't own Twilight, that's all S.M.**

**I do own a new red Samsung Flight, which is totally rocking my life at the moment.**

**Oh, come visit me on Tumblr and get some pictures and teasers and such for new chapters, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah.**

**.com**

"Hey baby girl," Jasper's voice is the first thing I'm able to focus on. I feel the bed shift in front of me, but I still don't open my eyes.

I hear him sigh, most likely disappointed with me for taking pills. I probably didn't put the bottle away when I took then…however many hours ago. Shit, what time is it?

"It's just after nine in the afternoon." Jasper knows what I need without even communicating. He's too good for me sometimes.

I try to speak, but end up croaking more than anything. "I'm sorry, Jazz."

He sighs again and lies facing me, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I move as close as possible to him, wanting every thought to just leave my body so I can be at peace. Everything is still fuzzy from the drugs, but I seem to have slept most of the effects off already. Damn, I already have a tolerance to this prescription.

"I know, baby girl. Edward wouldn't tell us what happened…do you want to clarify so I know whether or not to kick his ass?"

I crack a smile and tell Jasper everything from the time I left them on Rodeo to taking the pills. He just sits there and listens, never interrupting or judging. After I finish, he is quiet for a moment before taking a deep breath.

"_Fuck," _is all he says for a moment. After another moment spent with my eyes closed, he speaks again. "He was wrong, Bella. I know that, you know that. He definitely knows that. You should see him now, Bells. He looks like hell and won't stop pulling on his hair…it's going to fall out or something."

I crack a small smile at the thought of him running his hands through his copper hair repeatedly, making it a mess. A mess, but a hot one at that.

"But he didn't mean it. I know what you're thinking and I know what was and is going through your head. Edward never set out to hurt you. With what you've told me, he didn't even _know_ he did it. I don't think he would ever intentionally hurt you like James, Bella."

Naturally, I argue with him. "That's the point, Jasper! He didn't even know that he grabbed my arm. So next time we're together what if he _doesn't know_ that he slaps me across the face or pushes me down the stairs?"

Jasper rolls his eyes at me. "Stop being so dramatic, Bella. He…cares for you. Even I can see that through all the protective bullshit that I have to deal with. I know that you've seen it. He's beating himself up over this, and you need to give him the benefit of the doubt."

We sit in silence for a moment, both of us digesting what he said. I didn't know that Jasper had to deal with Edward and me emotionally. I thought he was fine with it since he gave Edward advice on where to take me for our first date. Other than that, I understand what he said. Maybe I am being too dramatic…but it just triggered that empty emotion in me that I don't want to ever have to deal with again and I reacted negatively. Who can blame me with my past?

I let out a big sigh. "Is he in his room with Alice?"

Jasper nods and pulls me closer to him – we must have drifted somehow when we were talking – and holds me. I take comfort in his embrace, breathing in his southern comfort. After about a minute, he releases me and we both get up from the bed. I close my eyes for a yawn and when I open them, Jasper is staring at me with an amused expression on his face.

"What?"

"You didn't change before you crashed, I'm guessing."

Sure as shit, when I look down, I'm still in my bathing suit and shorts. I show Jasper the middle-fingered bird and head over to the dresser. Since it's almost ten at night now, I decide to just put something comfortable on.

I find a dark blue, light red and white plaid long shirt that serves as a dress and throw on a pair of matching dark blue tights. The hotel hallways require shoes, so I slip on white fringe heels that end an inch or two below my knees and are only about three inches.

With a quick look in the mirror to fix my make up so I don't look like a troll, I leave the room and walk the few feet to Edward and Alice's room. I knock tentatively, hoping Edward answers so we can just talk it out and not have any interference.

I get my wish.

The door opens to reveal a tired looking Edward with crazy hair, just like Jasper said. He doesn't seem surprised to see me and lets me in. Their room is laid out exactly like mine, and I notice he has the same bed that I chose. I can tell because Alice's bed has her clothes _all _over it. I look around, but don't see her.

"She went to Rosalie's room to talk about fashion or something."

I nod in understanding and we stay there –him leaning against the door frame looking at me, me sitting on his bed playing with the fringe on my boots. And since everything between us can't get more awkward at the moment, we both speak at the same time.

"Bella, you have to know tha—"

"Edward, I overreacted like a bit—"

We both stopped and laughed, the tension broken. He walks over to the bed and sits next to me, leaving like a foot of space between us…probably afraid of another overreaction from me.

I motion for him to stop so I can get everything off my chest first. There's no sense in letting him sit in his guilt or whatever he's dealing with longer than he needs to.

"As I was saying, I overreacted. Like a little bitch. It's just that, when you grabbed me, I was reminded of my past and it was a shock. I know you didn't mean it and I know you aren't like that. So please don't feel…guilty or whatever is making your poor hair suffer."

He doesn't smile at the intended joke, but looks even more distressed. He tugs his hair.

"Bella. I grabbed you. Any way you spin that, it's still wrong. Even if you didn't have the past that you have, it was way wrong for me to do that. I didn't even know that I did it until I saw your face and then it was like a rewind in my mind. God, how could I be so stupid?" More tugs at his hair "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so very, very sorry. I can't believe I did it and I understand if you don't want to talk to me and if you want me to leave and go back to Forks. I would understand completely." Still more tugs on that delicious hair.

I reach over and put an end to his tugging and still his hands by putting my own above them. He looks surprised for a moment.

"Edward," I say forcefully. "Stop."

He looks at me with pained eyes, clearly torturing himself. Jesus Christ, what did I do?

"Please. I know you didn't mean it. I know you would never hurt me. I _know_ that. It was a mistake and it was wrong, but I forgive you. I overreacted, Edward! It wasn't even that bad looking back on it. Please stop with the hair and the tortured eyes. I can't handle it…I forgive you. Please."

I know that I sound like a whiny beggar, but I could care less. I want him to be happy again. I want him to be normal Edward and make me laugh or say something to make me irritated or just _anything. _My stomach is in knots, making me want to throw up. It's like his pain is my pain.

Is that what love is? I know that's what they say in romance novels and cheesy love stories, but I've never felt it. Then again, I've never been in love.

After a moment or two, he relaxes. I scoot closer to him, so that we're touching, and lean my head on his shoulder. We sit in silence for however long, just breathing and being together. After a while, my neck starts to hurt and I look over at the old-fashioned clock on the far side of the room. Holy shit – 11:38.

I move to stand up and Edward's hand grabs mine in panic. I smile at the gesture for some reason and work the kinks out of my neck. "I have to get some sleep for tomorrow. Big day and all." I wink and lean down to fix the fringe on my shoe that seemed to have gotten stuck together.

When I get back up, Edward is standing close to me. Very close. I look up into his eyes, dark green with the low lighting in the room, and become paralyzed. Slowly – very, very- slowly, he raises his hand to my neck, lightly resting it there while tilting my head to a more preferable angle.

I stay paralyzed while he leans down – still slower than slow- and touches his soft lips to mine. The kiss is soft and gentle…loving. After a few seconds…too soon…he releases me and rests his forehead on mine.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night, Edward."

"What does one wear to a meeting that will change one's life?" I say to no one but everyone at the same time.

"One wears something that epitomizes them. One in this particular situation would wear something sexy, flirty, gentle, and bold. One would pair it with a killer pair of heels and personality and BAM! Record deal." Alice speaks up first.

I agree with everything, especially the killer heels part, but still huff at the clothes atop every surface of the room. I was originally going to go with a business-like outfit that I bought a few months ago – a black high waist skirt with a sleeveless light blue ruffled blouse. It's cute and shows off some cleavage, but it's still to business-like. I'm not interviewing to become a CEO of a major company. I'm meeting with Record Company Execs that want to see _me_ for who _I_ am. But I want to look perfect when I meet them.

I tap my lips in sync with my foot tapping angrily on the ground, probably pissing the people below me off, but I could care less about them at the moment.

"Wear something yellow. It looks amazing on your skin." Rosalie speaks up from her spot on the floor where she is sitting on her knees, looking through Italian Vogues while multitasking with me.

Alice hums her agreement and takes everything that doesn't have yellow on it away from our eyes so we have better visuals to work with.

That leaves us with about ten dresses, all of them pretty of course. I take the two sundresses and put them with the other discarded dresses, taking them out of the running immediately.

Twenty minutes later, we have made the choice. It's sexy but not slutty. It's cute but not childish. It will make me look amazing while being comfortable. Win, win, win, and win.

The dress is a spaghetti strap styled dress with bright yellow ruffles covering the bust. At the waist there is a black band that you can't really see with the ruffles, and then it's a lighter black color that ends at the knee. The lighter black color is form fitting, which makes my hips look good, but the best part of the dress beside the bright bust is the zipper that goes from top to bottom right in the front. It gives the dress a bit of edge.

I put it on along with a slight push up bra -hey, I want the girls to look good too!- and it already looks amazing. Now the easier part. Shoes. In my opinion, every shoe is meant to be with an outfit. If the shoe isn't supposed to be with the outfit, it won't call out to you and it won't scream "PICK ME!" So essentially, searching for shoes is easy.

While playing with my hair, trying to find a good style to go with the dress, I hear Alice gasp behind me near the shoes. "Is this Alexander McQueen!?" She holds up a pair of amazing stilettos with yellow and black blocky shapes on them.

I smile and nod, returning back to the mirror.

"How much did you pay for them?" I glance at her through the mirror to see her examining the shoes like a brand new puppy. Yeah, she's petting them.

I think about it for a second, knowing I spent around eight hundred dollars on them. I haven't even worn them yet, and I was really looking forward to, but looking at her face right now is so much better than what mine was.

Alice deserves a new pair of expensive shoes. She has helped me so much this past week with shopping and calming me down when thinking about this trip caused me to freak out, and just being there and being a good friend to me. Hah, a good friend. I never would have thought I could have one of those outside of Jasper and Emmett.

"Can we get back to work?" I say suddenly, not answering her question. I can tell she is a bit crushed by my subject change, but I want to find a special way to give them to her.

She picks out three pairs of good shoes, but the ones that call to me are the plain yellow stilettos. I put them on and stand in view of both girls. They both nod their approval and Rosalie gets up to do my hair. She's always been amazing at doing hair, so whenever she wants to do mine, she has full approval.

She flat irons it but gives it more volume than I thought possible with straight hair. She put some product in that she brought with her that makes it shine like crazy and with a little hairspray, my hair is good to go.

They both sit on the bed close to each other so they can finish the magazine while I do my makeup. I use a little less eyeliner today and use a shimmery blush that gives my face perfect shine and color.

I slip on a bracelet that Phil got me for good luck, a skinny platinum band with Tahitian Keshi pearls scattered around it. The dark oddly shaped pearls look striking next to the delicate platinum, and I absolutely love it.

I spray on a little floral perfume and I'm good to go. Just in time, as Jasper strolls in the room letting out a low whistle when he sees me. He smiles and strides over to me, kissing me on the cheek.

"You look ready to kick ass and pose for a magazine."

"That's the plan." I smile at him and notice Alice watching us with a small smile on her face. Once she notices that I noticed her, she quickly looks back at whatever Rosalie is commenting on, but I let it slide.

"You ready to hit the road, baby girl?" Jasper asks me. That's the second time he's called me baby girl. I love the nickname, but I wonder where it came from. He usually calls me darlin' or something equally as adorable.

I put on my best smile, the nerves hitting in small bits. We walk to the door, leaving Rosalie and Alice on the bed.

"Call right when you get out and tell us about your new contract!" Alice yells right before we close the door.

I shake my head at the now closed door and nudge Jasper. "So when are you taking that girl on a proper date?"

"Soon," he says, not giving much away.

I tell him so and he just laughs, the little fucker. We meet up with Carlisle and Edward in the hall way and then we're off. Carlisle and Jasper seem to walk faster than Edward and I, which was probably planned in private.

"You look beautiful, Bella." Edward says softly.

I blush and thank him, concentrating on not falling over. The nerves are still coming in little bits. Bit by bit by bit by bit.

"OH MY GOD!" I scream once we get out of the building, earning stares from people walking by.

Edward, Jasper, and Carlisle laugh at me, but I'm too elated to care. I just signed a one-year contract with Dawning Records; I have every right to be dancing like a tool in the middle of a busy Los Angeles sidewalk.

Eventually, I calm down and hug my three guys, whispering my thanks in each of their ears. They know why. I couldn't have done that without them there. They all put in their input when necessary, but let me take the lead with the personal view on the contract. Carlisle helped more with the business aspect of it, making sure I wasn't getting screwed over.

The meeting didn't really feel like a meeting, more like a serious discussion. Marcus was there and was making jokes left and right about random things, while his partner Caius was sterner about things. I found it weird, their personalities, as they were dressed completely opposite from them. Caius was dressed in light jeans with a striped black and white t-shirt with a tux jacket thrown over it. His hair was messy and surfer-dude looking. Marcus, on the other hand, was in a dark suit with a dark purple tie. It seemed off to me, but I let it go.

We get back to the hotel quickly after Alice and Rose bombard everyone's cell phones with texts asking where we are and how it went. Collectively, we got 26 text messages.

The over-texters are on my bed when I arrive in my room, waiting for me. The guys decided to go Carlisle's room or something to "give us space". I call bullshit. They just don't want to have to deal with the screaming and oh my god!-ing.

"SPILL IT, SWAN!" Alice practically screams at me. I feign disappointment, walking over to the bed and sitting down carefully. I look down at my lap to look sad and forlorn, but also to hide my smile. They are going to freak out when they hear this.

They immediately scoot closer to me to comfort me, even though I don't need any comfort at the moment…or the next year.

"I GOT IT!" I yell suddenly, scaring the shit out of both girls. They both jump a little, with surprised faces that are too priceless. Damn, I wish I had a camera! Then, as suspected, they both get angry and slap me. Hard.

I wince and rub my leg where they both decided to hit me and roll my eyes at them. "That hurt, fuckers!"

Rose gives me her typical you-better-give-me-what-I-want-or-I-will-fuck-your-shit-_up _look and I finally tell them everything.

After getting through the useless information about Caius and Marcus and the guys' input, we got technical.

"So, what does your contract even mean?" Alice says, tilting her head like a puppy. Cute.

"Basically, it's a one year deal, which I guess is kind of rare for new labels, since they usually want something long-term and more stable, but I'll take what I can get. I don't know if I will want to be doing this in four years, you know? I just have to take it slow. If they like the album I record and it sells good, they will renew the contract and I will make another album. Anyways, I record an album, they produce and do whatever they do with it and then I start promoting it. "

"Like a tour?" Alice asks.

"I guess. Marcus said we will talk more about the tour when we get closer to that time, but basically it will be a minimum of twenty cities and will be all over. Not other countries though. I think that's too much for a first album."

"Wait; will you be on like, talk shows and stuff?" Rose asks while twirling her hair. Typical.

I shrug. "I guess. I think I'll perform on them or whatever, just to get my shit out there. But that's only after my single is out."

"When's that going to be?"

I shrug again. "Depends on how quickly I can record this album."

We're all silent for a moment, just soaking it in. Alice's head snaps up and looks at me suddenly.

"You write music, though. You wrote that beautiful song that you sang at the club! Are they going to let you write your own stuff?"

This was the part I wasn't too thrilled with. "They can't give me complete control, Alice. They said I can write a few and if they approve, then maybe they will be on the album. Jasper told them straight out that I'm not going to sing anything that I don't want to sing, which was what I was going to say, but he took the words out of my mouth." I smile at the memory of Jasper being the bestest best friend in the entire world in that moment. Most people would just sit back and sing whatever the fuck was handed to them, just because they had a record contract. But I'm not going to be something I'm not. I'm not perfect, but I'm not fake about it.

We talk a bit more about what was said in the meeting and where I'm going to record my songs. Thank God they are letting me do it in Port Angeles. I want to be close to home so I can see my family. I'm not ready to just up and leave without them. No fucking way.

The girls eventually unglue themselves from my bed and say goodnight, leaving me alone for the first time today. Once the door clicks shut, I'm silent for a moment before a giant fucking smile appears on my face.

I get up, still in my dress and heels, and dance around my room while singing a random tune that has been in my head for the past hour or so. I hear chuckles at the door and see Edward standing there, hands in jean pockets, with bare feet and totally fuckable hair. Sigh.

I flush at the unknown audience I had, stopping my dancing. I take off my shoes and throw them past Edward, almost hitting him in the process.

"Hey! Are you trying to kill me?" He laughs, probably half-serious.

"Now why the hell would I do that? Then I wouldn't get to look at your pretty face all day."

I'm not entirely sure where the boldness comes from, but I'm determined not to blush with this statement and stand my ground. After all, it's true. Clearly Edward didn't expect this, as his face looked shocked for a second before he composed it and laughed a full laugh. Oh, the glorious music to my ears. I wonder if I can just record that laugh and put it as a song on my album. That alone would shoot my album up to number one on anyone's list.

I decide I've had too much excitement for one day. I go to my dresser to find something to change into to sleep in. I find one of Emmett's t-shirts right on top of everything in my second drawer. I smile at the thoughtfulness of Emmett or Rosalie, putting in one of his t-shirts for me to sleep in.

I don't know why, but I've always just loved sleeping in either Jasper or Emmett's clothes. They are just big and comfortable and smell like them, which is always comforting. I smile at it and pull it out before gesturing to Edward that I'll be right back.

I quickly change into the giant shirt in the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror and giggle. Of course. The shirt itself is a dark green with a bright yellow symbol on the middle of it.

Since I never got to be a kid when I was one, and never got to watch T.V. or listen to the radio and listen to what was "hip" So when coming to Forks I was completely blind and ignorant of pop culture.

Emmett, shortly after we met for the first time, found out that I had never seen his favorite television show growing up, Legends of the Hidden Temple. The show had a bunch of different colored and animal named teams going through a "temple" searching for ways to get out and little puzzles. I really liked the show, but it was only on for a few seasons so there wasn't much to watch.

So now we're back in my hotel bathroom, in a Green Monkey's team shirt from said show. I roll my eyes at the shirt in the mirror, as if Emmett could see me. I'm definitely not giving this one back. If I have to, I'll hide it from him.

Since Emmett is a monster and I'm petite from years of not eating and genetics, the shirt swallows me. It lands at an inch or two above my knee, so I don't worry about putting on sweatpants or anything. I normally don't sleep in them anyway, so Edward will just have to deal with looking at my legs. He's seen more of them in my day-to-day outfits anyway.

I throw my hair up into a messy bun right on top of my head and walk out of my bed to see Edward on my bed, lying down. I smile at the sight and open my mouth to tease him, when I realize he's slightly snoring. I smile wider at the precious innocent image of my possible love sleeping in my temporary hotel bed.

Since I'm tired as fuck (Yeah, as if that's that _only_ reason), I crawl in beside him and turn off the lights in the room with the remote on the nightstand.

Within moments, I'm falling asleep without the use of drugs or alcohol or someone singing me to sleep. All I needed to sleep peacefully was Edward Cullen.

The last thing I register is Edward putting his strong arms around me and pulling me to his chest. I let sleep take me, loving that Edward…EDWARD did this to me.


	19. Chapter 19

**Alright, so this chapter is alot shorter than normal. It just seemed right to end it here.**

**The next chapter will be longer to make up for this one, I promise.**

**Come and visit this story's tumblr at www(dot)kaitlinhale(dot)tumblr(dot)com**

The first thing I register when waking up the next morning is the smell. Sandalwood and vanilla. Normally, I would laugh at any guy who smelled like this, as it's just weird. But with my current companion, I want to bottle the scent up and carry it with me. I wonder if that's possible…

A chuckle pulls me out of my thoughts of intense creepiness, and I open my eyes to find Edward staring down at me with a smile on his lips. I furrow my brow, wondering what the hell is so funny.

"What are you thinking about in that head of yours?" he moves his hand from the mattress between us to my hip. I shudder. "You look like you're happy but in pain at the same time."

I growl at him, obviously not a morning person, and narrow my eyes. "I'm sure I could help you out with feeling pain for your own this morning."

He rolls his eyes at me and after a few moments of comfortable silence, he moves to get up. I grab at his hip, not wanting him to leave so suddenly. The reaction is foreign to me, but I roll with it.

He smiles a soft smile. "I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be right back." I release him and watch him as he crosses the room to the bathroom. After about a minute in there, he comes back out, scrubbing his face. I smile at the gesture, finding it adorable. Mother fuck, who knew I was a sappy morning person? Gross.

He lies down on the bed next to me again, finding the position that we were in a few minutes ago. With him on his left side facing me, I move forward and rest my head in his shoulder. His hands play through my hair, which probably looks like a rats nest, but I don't really give a shit when he has his hands through it.

"Ready to head back to normalcy?" he asks softly, his fingers continuing their dance through my hair.

I groan and shake my head, my motions somewhat limited from his body.

"You don't like it back in Forks?" he asks, probably already knowing the answer.

"It's just my favorite place. Everyone there is so disposable, you know? The people there aren't real. They don't talk about real shit and they don't think like individuals."

"They all seem to worship you, though. That has to make everything easier for you." He wrongfully points out.

"Hardly. They don't worship me…well maybe some of them. Most are just scared of me. I can be very intimidating."

He laughs a free – but not loud – laugh. "Yeah, I noticed." With this, he earns a punch to his stomach, courtesy of yours truly.

"I thought you were friends with that Angela girl?"

I make a noncommittal noise. "Not really. Like I said, everyone is disposable. One day someone is my best friend, the next we pretend like we don't know each other. The last time I talked to her was your first day here."

"Oh yeah? Did you talk about me?" I can hear the smile in his voice. The cocky little bastard.

"We mentioned your car and some other shit that I can't remember. I was also under the influence, so I guess that didn't help." I realize my slip as soon as it's out of my mouth.

"Under the influence of…" he puts it out there, waiting for me to respond.

Fuck, fuck. I forgot he doesn't know about the pills.

"I sometimes abuse medication….sometimes." I feel him stiffen and I wish that I could take it back and go back to our light-hearted conversation from earlier.

"Sometimes? When exactly is sometimes?" His voice is tight, controlled.

"Just when I get to anxious or need a mental break from something." I say quickly, not wanting him to be mad at me. Jesus Christ. A month ago, I could have cared less if he thought badly of me. But now that I'm kinda-sorta in love with him, I want to be perfect.

Whoa. What the fuck? I, Bella Swan, am not perfect. Far fucking from it. If some guy can't handle me, fucked up bullshit and all, then he can just suck one and move on. With my new steely resolve, I return back to the conversation at hand.

"When was the last time you took some?"

"The night before last…"

He gasps slightly, so subtle I almost didn't catch it. What did I say?

"After our fight?" his voice no longer controlled, but sad and defeated.

"Yeah…" and then it clicks. He thought I did it because of him. Technically, I did, but I don't want him to take the blame for my fucked up past and current tendencies.

"Stop, Edward. It's not your fault. I took them because I wanted to take them and you had no part in it. Don't take the blame, please." I pull back so I can look at him. His eyes are sad and full of pity for me and anger probably meant towards both myself and him.

He doesn't say anything for a while after this, so I get up and head over to my closet to pack up all of my shit and find an outfit for the day. We're going to the airport in a few hours, so I pick out something that won't be uncomfortable sitting on a plane.

I pick out a simple black fitting tank top and sheer black leggings to go under a long white and black striped sweater. The sweater has holes and rips strategically placed along it, giving it a homey feel. It cost me about 300 dollars, and I absolutely love it.

Since the outfit itself is all black and white, I grab my bright red ankle boots to go with it. The ankle boots were a gift from Jasper from a few months ago. They tie up the front and there is a buckle that reaches around the shoe. I head into the bathroom without a backwards glance at Edward to shower. After a quick ten minute shower, filled with more humming from me, I scrunch my hair so it's curlier than normal and take ten minutes to dry it.

After my hair is set in place with a little hairspray and my outfit is on and looking hot, I put on some eyeliner. I decide that since my shoes are red, my lips should be too. I put some red gloss on, but it's not obnoxious.

I deem myself presentable and walk out to find Edward on my bed with my laptop open. At first, I'm a little pissed that he would just open my laptop without asking me first, but then I realize that I never told him not to, so it's not really his fault. Plus, his face when he looks up and sees me is totally priceless, so I forgive him.

"Jasper came by earlier and told me to tell you that we're leaving in an hour. Carlisle has to get back quicker, I guess." He tells me after picking his jaw up from the floor. I didn't even put a lot of effort into this outfit, but obviously he likes it.

I smile in acknowledgement and plop myself on the bed next to him, careful of my heels. "What'cha looking at?" I ask.

"Nothing in particular," he tells me. I look at the screen and see that he is on MyLifeIsAverage. I enjoy this more than I probably should. I love this website with a burning passion.

We sit and read the submissions, laughing and saying a few of the funnier ones out loud. After about a half hour of this, Jasper enters the room again.

"You guys ready to go?" he asks, leaning against the door frame and fixing the sleeve of his shirt.

I nod at him while Edward hands me the now closed laptop so I can put it in its bag. It takes five minutes to get everything out of my room and do a check to make sure I'm not leaving anything valuable behind.

Before forgetting, I grab a penny from my purse and set it on the floor in the corner of the bedroom section. Edward gives me a weird look, so I explain.

"I put it heads up. They are supposed to mean good luck."

"But don't you have to find one, not put one down to get the luck?" he asks with a cute confused little tilt to his head.

I smile and laugh as if it's obvious what I did. "Someone else is going to see it and get good luck." I grab my purse and lap top back while Edward and Jasper grab my other suitcases and we head out into the hallway where the rest of the gang is waiting for us.

I tell each good morning, even though it's like, noon. We head down the hall single-file and after a few elevator rides to get all of the luggage down, we are on the way to the airport.

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

"Really, Alice? Isn't that phrase reserved for middle-school kids?" I roll my eyes and look back at my floor, filled with different fashion magazines. Alice pouts like said middle school kid and narrows her eyes at me.

"Please," she cuts something out of a Vogue that I just recently got. "I know my brother, and he doesn't just sleep next to a girl. It's never happened."

That piqued my interest.

"So what has he done, then?" I ask her, my voice probably sounded more than just a little curious. I figured that Edward, being as gorgeous as he is, has gotten some in the past. But I didn't think he was a man-whore about it. Although, I don't really know if I can say anything about it, since I've been known in Forks as a whore since freshman year.

"I don't know specifics, Bella." She looks at me like the thought is repulsive, but they are related, so it kind of is. "I don't know how many girls he's been with."

That does nothing to quench the curiosity. "You have to give me more than that, Alice."

She huffs, cutting another thing out of the expensive magazine. It's not cheap to have them imported over here from Italy. "He's…experienced, I guess. He didn't go around and whore himself out, but he has been known to get action whenever he wanted it."

Well, that doesn't sound so bad. I make a noise similar to a grunt and go back to my own magazine trashing. When I suggested this to Alice, she almost hit me. Her hand actually rose like she was going to, but I caught it before it did any damage.

I showed her my album that I created over the past few years with magazine clippings and squares of fabrics. I've loved fashion ever since Renee took me shopping in Seattle a few days after meeting them. So if I see something I like or think to be interesting, I cut it out and add it to my collection.

Maybe after all of this music stuff dies down, I can dabble in fashion. Well, it's a thought.

So here we are, listening to Eric Hutchinson and mutilating fashion magazines in my room. Once finished with the magazine in my hands, I jump up and grab my laptop. I check Facebook first, wanting to catch Edward. Ugh, I'm so pathetic.

Once logged in, I look to the bottom of the screen and see that he is in fact, online.

**Bella Swan**

Don't you have a life?

**Edward Cullen**

Says the girl who messaged me mere seconds after logging in?

Well, shit. I don't have a comeback for that one.

**Bella Swan**

Are you stalking me?

**Edward Cullen**

Says the girl who messaged me mere seconds after logging in?

**Bella Swan**

Real cute.

**Edward Cullen**

I know, right? :)

**Bella Swan**

Why are you on Facebook and not enjoying the dreariness that is Forks, Washington?

**Edward Cullen**

Since you are keeping Alice busy and Carlisle is at work, I want to relish in the silence.

**Bella Swan**

Where's Esme?

**Edward Cullen**

She still isn't back from her London gig. I guess the actor threw a fit about her design so she had to start over or something.

**Bella Swan**

What a dick. He should be grateful that someone like Esme is doing his house.

**Edward Cullen**

I agree. So why are you ignoring my sister?

**Bella Swan**

She's occupying herself by going through my magazines. I don't think she will surface for days.

**Edward Cullen**

If only that were true. She might need to eat, though.

**Bella Swan**

There's plenty of appetizing glossy paper around her to munch on. She can make deal.

**Edward Cullen**

I don't think Alice would appreciate the sheer goodness of eating paper, though. You're out of luck with that one.

**Bella Swan**

Damn.

Jesus Christ, our conversations don't even make sense, so why is there a giant face splitting smile on my face?

Alice giggles next to me and I realize that she is just staring at me.

"Shut up," I say through a blush.

"You're talking to Edward, aren't you?" Please. The little pixie knows who I am talking to.

I flip her off and return to my very intellectual conversation.

**Edward Cullen**

So when are you going to the recording studio?

**Bella Swan**

In a few days.

**Edward Cullen**

Want a ride?

**Bella Swan**

It might be kind of weird for you to drive me to my own basement.

**Edward Cullen**

Wait…what?

**Bella Swan**

Renee was so excited when she heard I actually got the deal that she called a few people to create a studio in my basement.

**Edward Cullen**

Wow. How is that going to work with Marcus and Aro?

**Bella Swan**

Some days Marcus will be there with me, along with whoever else needs to be there. Other days there will be a live feed sent to Aro.

**Edward Cullen**

Oh. Have you written anything new?

**Bella Swan**

Your sister has kept me plenty busy since California, so no. I have a few things in my head that I'm dying to write down, but they can wait.

**Edward Cullen**

That song you wrote for open-mic night…who was that about?

I might as well go balls to the walls and just tell him. He obviously likes me, so why can't I say it back when I already know I more than like him?

**Bella Swan**

You.

I wait for his response for a few minutes, breathing calculated breaths so as to not panic.

**Edward Cullen**

Thank you.

**Bella Swan**

You're welcome.

We don't say anything else about the song, which I'm partly grateful for. What else am I supposed to say about it? After a few more minutes of talking about random shit, I have to end the conversation.

**Bella Swan**

While our talk has been incredibly stimulating for my mind, I must bid you farewell.

**Edward Cullen**

I suppose so, my dear lady.

**Bella Swan**

I'll talk you later?

**Edward Cullen**

Of course.

I log off in a great mood and suggest getting something to eat to Alice. She agrees and hops up to follow me.

After I eat an apple and she eats basically my entire kitchen, we head to the living room to watch T.V. for a bit. We land on some stoner happy movie and I settle in on the couch.

I'm awake to a darkened room and arms around me, lifting me up and carrying me someplace.

Immediately, I'm taken back to the miserable little house.

James has his arms around me, carrying me up the stairs of the new house that smells off.

I didn't even do anything downstairs. I just asked him if he could smoke outside, since my dad never liked when people smoked indoors. As soon as the words leave my mouth, an angry expression crosses James' face and he simply blows smoke in my face.

I've never been a child to talk-back, but that was just rude and I've been in a bad mood ever since we moved in here. I want to go back to my dad and go fishing with him again while listening to him retell stories from when he was my age. James isn't a nice person and he doesn't look at my mom like Daddy used to. He looks at her like she's nothing, and that makes me mad.

"My dad wouldn't have done that," I say lowly, not really intending for him to hear it. But James does hear it and his angry face becomes even angrier. He spits his cigarette on to the linoleum kitchen floors that desperately need to be scrubbed and stomps his heavy boot to stop the ember from burning.

He keeps stepping closer to me, each step he takes forward; I take one step back, until I'm wedged between him and the old refrigerator. I cower, not wanting to upset him anymore.

He grabs my arm roughly and lifts me. The grip on my left arm is excruciating. I cry out and try to get him to put me down, but the movement only causes him to tighten his hold. He finally drops me, but I don't expect it, so I lose my balance and fall to the floor on my butt. He laughs an evil little laugh and throws me over his shoulder, heading for the stairs.

I cry and scream at him to let me down. I'm not a baby. I don't need to be carried up the stairs.

He opens the door at the top of the stairs, my new room, and throws me inside. He almost leaves, but not before he grabs a stray book from a box near him and throws it against the unprotected light bulb. The room goes dark with the exception of the light from the hall behind him. I can't see his face, but I can tell that he's smiling.

He turns around and slams the door so hard that my windows rattle. Once I hear his boots reach the first floor, I let it out and cry.

What has my mom done?

**Reviews are nice, yes?**


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